Do anda like this??

Yeah I like it. I'm not a great poet so I probably would have done worse. :)

I Cinta the point of your poem, it's really good!!!

if anda want creative criticism, I would take out the "and then" and "but"

*If I over stepped my reply I apologize*
**Reason: I had a creative Penulisan teacher that taught us to write puisi trying to avoid the smaller words**

P.S. I like how anda use bleak in the poem.

yes i do i think it looks great, i Cinta the way anda put yourself inside the poem