1. If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores anda atau is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in Cinta with anda — and anda are the point of his existence.
2. Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells anda to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the Cinta of your life. anda should stay with him since he will keep anda selamat, peti deposit keselamatan forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling anda he will never see anda again), it is because he loves anda so much he will suffer just to keep anda safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your Friends and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as anda keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even lebih romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave anda always come back.
9. Because they come back, anda should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though anda have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, anda should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy anda something.
11. anda should use berkata male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical atau technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while anda run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what anda must do.
13. Car theft in the service of Cinta is acceptable.
14. If the boy anda are in Cinta with causes anda (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten anda end up in the hospital, anda should tell the doctors and your family that anda “fell down the steps” because anda are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if anda sacrifice everything anda are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills atau emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When Penulisan a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal sumber material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making atau watching a major feature film, anda should gleefully embrace the 20 minit of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20. Vampires — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.