Why, Hans, Why?!? 

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There is something that has been bothering us since the first time we saw Frozen. We are referring to the downfall of Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. Yes, this handsome prince stole our hearts early in the film with his meggings, spectacular singing voice, and charming presence, but we have a lot of feelings about Hans that we just haven’t been able to get past. The only solution? Get out all of our feelings via Oh My Disney. (And use as many lyrics from Frozen songs as possible while getting our feelings out.) So here goes:

When we first met you Hans, you seemed so sweet and cordial. You had an adorably awkward moment with Anna and our hearts just melted. Anna was just looking for a beautiful stranger (tall and fair), and there you were like magic.

Later, you decided to make sure that we were completely under your spell by telling Anna you would never shut her out. All she wanted was for love to be an open door, and there you were, to sing beautiful four note chords with her. Just when we thought we couldn’t possibly love you more, you proposed on top of a majestic waterfall. WHO DOES THAT HANS? You’re just too good.

So even though Elsa gets upset when you propose to Anna, you’re still there to support Anna when she wants to go after Elsa. You promised to protect Arendelle from treason and we trusted that you would. WE TRUSTED YOU. Little did we know what would be coming…

After Anna’s horse comes back without her, you decide to launch this heroic plan to go rescue her. It’s only after you discover Elsa’s ice palace and bring Elsa back to Arendelle that things start to fall apart for us. You lock Elsa up in a jail…. you thought this was a good idea? Why, Hans, why? The girl has magical ice powers and you think you can just lock her up? We aren’t exactly sure why you’re making such poor decisions all of a sudden.

Then, Anna returns and you see that something’s wrong. After Anna told you that Elsa froze her heart and that only an act of true love can save her, you know Anna is thinking about a true love’s kiss. You lean into her, the music swells, we’re so ready for the kiss and then

WHAT?! Why couldn’t you just be happy and save Anna? To add insult to injury, you start monologuing. Hans, don’t know you anything? You know monologuing is the oldest villain trick in the book, and yet here you are revealing your evil plans. Ugh.

Of course, to continue this little charade, you lie to everyone, including Elsa, and say Anna is dead. What a jerk move, Hans. Then, you decide to go and kill Elsa, but guess what dude? Your plan has been officially foiled by REAL true love. Take that, Mr. 13th in line to the throne.

You could have had it all, Hans. You maybe could have been Anna’s prince and helped rule Arendelle. You have some good leadership qualities when you’re not using them for evil purposes. But, we digress, because it is YOU that has a frozen heart. We’re not sure if we’ll ever get over this betrayal, so we’ll just have to always ask ourselves: why, Hans, why?

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