Cuddy and House
You could cut the tension with a scalpel...
Cuddy: It's not going to work. anda know why? Because this is fun. anda think of something to make me miserable, I think of something to make anda miserable. It's a game, and I'm going to win. Because I got a headstart - you're already miserable.
House: If (Cuddy) doesn't solve this soon, her head's going to explode and I don't want to get any on me.
House: No, there is not a thin line between Cinta and hate. There is a Great dinding of China with armed sentries telah diposkan every 20' between Cinta and hate.
Cuddy: When I hired anda , I knew anda were insane. I will continue to try and stop anda from doing insane things, but once they're done...trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane.
Cuddy: Answer me.
House: Nothing I could say is going to change how anda feel, and nothing could come out of your reaction that is going to change what I plan to do. So I prefer to say nothing.
Cuddy: So...that was anda just saying nothing?
House: Uh-huh
House: But I had three reasons.
Cuddy: Good ones?
House: Well, lets see in a minit - I'm just making them up now.
...
House: Which brings me to my fourth reason.
Cuddy: I thought anda berkata there were only three? House: I thought you'd buy one of them.
House: I'm not doing it. (leaves, then stops) You're supposed to stop me. Renegotiate.
Dr. Cuddy: Hmm, and anda were supposed to keep on walking. Sorry, I guess we both screwed up. Go on, do it again.
House: Why is it always me ?
Cuddy: Because the world hates you.
House: Gimme a reason to get out of this, and I'll tell anda who started the rumour about anda being a transsexual.
Cuddy: There is no such rumor.
House: There will be unless anda get me out of this dinner.
House: Chase killed that woman, now Foreman's in charge?
Cuddy: Yeah, we have a pecking order here — if Cameron kills somebody, Chase takes over. There's a flow chart in the lobby.
Cuddy: Twenty-four times a tahun anda come storming into my office spouting that anda can help someone. Except anda never say those words. anda say something like, "His pancreas is going to explode because his brain is on fire!"
House: How right anda are, Dr. Cuddy! We also don't pad our bills, swipe samples from the pharmacy, atau fantasize about the teenage daughters of our patients, either.
Cuddy: True; better be true; and you're a pig.
House: Cuddy thinks it’s idiopathic. “Cuddy” and “idiop” being the relevant parts of that sentence.
Dr. Chase: Well I’d say TB, but Cuddy’s already ruled it out.
House: And you’d be just as big an idiop as her.
House: anda hired me...
Cuddy: 'Cause you're a good doctor who couldn't get himself hired at a blood bank, so I got anda cheap.
Cuddy: Did anda give cortical steroids to speed the baby's lung development?
House: No, I dropped an anvil on its chest to prevent lung development. I'm trying to extinguish the human race one fetus at a time
Cuddy: Oh, and I looked up that philosopher, and it turns out that if anda try sometimes, anda just might find, anda get what anda need.
House: How long do anda figure before I get a call from Cuddy?
Cuddy: anda put him on Lupron?
House: Uh-huh.
Cuddy: And anda told them it was like milk?
House: Yes.
Cuddy: Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
House: It's creamy.
Cuddy: If anda would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake.
House: [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; anda can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
House: This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a bored... certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
[to Lisa]
House: That is true, isn't it?
[to crowd]
House: But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done sejak a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, anda may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! anda can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
[nobody moves]
House: And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
[everybody raises their hand]
House: Okay, well, I'll be in Exam Room One if anda change your mind.
Cuddy: Jody Matthews?
[Jody raises her hand]
Cuddy: Please accompany Doctor House to Exam Room One.
Cuddy: People talk.
House: About how big your keldai is getting? I've been defending you- anda got back!
Cuddy: I need anda to wear your lab coat.
House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.
House: Right rudder. Bank, bank, bank!
Cuddy: Good coffee? The rest of this hospital is busting its tail and you're...
[House's eyes get really wide, and he covers them with his folder]
Cuddy: What are anda doing?
House: Trying to think of anything except the produce department at Whole Foods.
[Wilson smirks]
Cuddy: I am working. It got hot. Stop Berlakon like a 13-year-old!
House: Sorry. anda just don't normally see breasts like that on Deans of Medicine.
[Wilson tries to look anywhere except at Cuddy's chest]
Cuddy: Women can't be heads of hospitals? atau just ugly ones?
House: No, they can be babes. It's just anda don't normally see their fun bags.
Cuddy: Your reputation won't last if anda don't do your job; the clinic is part of your job. I want anda to do your job.
House: But as the philosopher Jagger once berkata "You can't always get what anda want."
House: Dr. Cuddy. Thanks for the consult. His throat seems to have some condition.
Cuddy: He has a sore throat.
House: Of *course*! Yes! Why didn't I... He... He berkata that it hurt and I should have deduced that it was sore.
Cuddy: I was in a board meeting.
House: Patients come first, right?
House: How are we doing on the cotton swabs today? If there's a critical shortage, I could run home.
Cuddy: No, anda couldn't.
House: Nice.
House: anda know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a...
[pauses] I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
Cuddy: Do anda have anything to add to this debate?
House: Wilson's right, Foreman's wrong, your baju is way too revealing for the office.
Cuddy: What are anda doing?
House: Well, you're trying to be me, so I thought I'd try to be you.
Cuddy: anda don't have the cleavage for it.
House: But I have a much tighter ass.
Cuddy: They're sleeping together?
House: If sejak sleeping together anda mean having sex in the janitor's closet...
Cuddy: Here?
House: No, the janitor's closet at the local high school. Go Tigercats! Do anda have one of those camera phones? 'Cause I got a mySpace account.
Cuddy: I will deal with them after I deal with you.
House: Oh c'mon... let's gossip some more. I'm sure she's into bondage.
Cuddy: anda can't lift your arm.
House: anda can't pee standing up.
Cuddy: Put down the syringe.
House: I can outdraw you, mysterious stranger.
Cuddy: Pay attention to me!
House: Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you.
House: I want my old carpet back.
Cuddy: It was stained with blood.
House: Yeah. My blood. Which makes the carpet part of me. I want it back. I want to be buried with it.
Cuddy: anda think anda can get me to do anything anda want, regardless of how stupid it is?
House: It's my office! It's where I work, where I think, where I save lives, allowing anda to brag to rich people so they'll give anda lebih money to spend on MRI's and low-cut tops.
House: I thought anda were only supposed to put on a pound a week during your last trimester.
Cuddy: I'm not pregnant.
Cuddy: I thought I knew all of your friend.
House: Bad news... estrogen is too high.
Cuddy: No matter how many people anda tell otherwise, I am, and always have been, a woman.
House: anda don't have cancer.
Cuddy: anda don't have dwarfism.
House: anda have no proof of that.
orange guy: I followed her. I couldn’t stop thinking about what that doctor said. Cuddy: I told anda not to listen to him, he’s an idiot. orange guy: I was ORANGE. Cuddy: I don’t want to know what anda found out. orange guy: anda don’t care? Cuddy: I’m your doctor, you’ve been good to me and good to this hospital, of course I care, but I don’t see how this conversation can end well for me. Either your wife is having an affair, atau she’s not having an affair and anda have come here because anda rightly think I should api, kebakaran him, but I can’t, even if it cost me your money; the son of a jalang, perempuan jalang is the best doctor we have.
Cuddy: Don't anda think this is a little manipulative?
House: No, I think it's hugely manipulative.
Cuddy: Here's what I think she's going to say. [Imitating Stacy's accent] Oh, I loooove Greg! But if anda go against the patient's wishes, you're calling her a liar. And if something goes wrong, I end up in court, having to defend the big mean doctor (albeit with dreamy eyes) who wouldn't believe the nice suburban mom. And even though his cane makes me melt, do the damn surgery.
House: She [Stacy] can't handle working with me.
Cuddy: Oh, right, yeah, she's still got a thing for you, making it impossible for her to deal, makes perfect sense. Except for the pronouns!
House: Your guilt. It's perverse, and it makes anda a crappy doctor. It also makes anda okay at what anda do.
Cuddy: anda figure a perverted sense of guilt makes me a good boss?
House: Now, would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better. [Pointing to Stacy] Should have seen her in the last months of our relationship. Lot of guilt. Lot of screaming. I know this wasn't just because it was your roof. Cuddy... anda see the world as it is, and anda see the world as it could be. What anda don't see is what everybody else sees: the giant, gaping chasm in between.
Cuddy: House, I'm not naive. I realize—
House: If anda did, anda never would have hired me. You're not happy unless things are just right. Which means two things: you're a good boss, and you'll never be happy. sejak the way why does everyone think that anda and I had sex? Think there could be something to it? [shrugs]
Cuddy: Are anda being intentionally dense?
House: [in sarcastic tone] Huh?
House: Death row guy. I want the case.
Cuddy: How do anda even know about him? anda don't have access to the hospital's mainframe.
House: No, but "partypants" does.
Cuddy: anda mencuri my password?
House: Hardly counts as stealing; it's a pretty obvious choice.
Cuddy: Good morning, Dr. House.
House: Good morning, Dr. Cuddy! Cinta that outfit. Says, I’m professional, but I’m still a woman. Actually, it sorta yells the saat part.
Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.
Cuddy: How's your hooker doing?
House: Oh, sweet of anda to ask, funny story, she was going to be a hospital administrator, but hated having to screw people like that.
[House is washing his face in the men’s room as Cuddy walks in ] House: Ooh, girl in the boys’ bathroom. Very dramatic. Must be very important what anda have to say to me. [ dries hands and face on paper towel ]
Cuddy: Yesterday your patient’s tumor was 5.8 centimeters. Today it’s 4.6. How did that happen? House: At a guess, I’d say “Dr. House must be really really good – why am I wasting him on hiccups?” I wash before and after. [ walks over to urinal ] Cuddy: anda also requisitioned 20cc of ethanol -- what patient was that for? atau are anda planning a party? House: [ over his shoulder ] Do me a favor…? [ Cuddy turns on water faucet ] House: I was gonna say “leave,” but that works. Cuddy: anda shrunk the tumor! House: Only way to get the guy to do the surgery… Cuddy: Fraud! Fraud was the only way. There is a reason that we have these guidelines. House: I know – to save lives. Specifically doctors’ lives, and not just their lives but their lifestyles. Wouldn’t wanna operate on anyone really sick – they might die and spoil our stats. Cuddy: Bergen has a right to know what he is operating on. House: True. I got all focused on her right to live, and forgot. anda do what anda think is right.
Cuddy: Oh, why do anda have to make everything so dramatic?
House: Because I'm a very high-strung little lapdog. Ruff ruff ruff, rarr, ruff!
Cuddy (on how she can find him when he is hiding): I just follow the scent of arrogance.
Cuddy: I know you'd rather spend a couple of hours listening to yourself than listening to patients.
Cuddy: I am the only one that can control him.
And finally, House reveals his true feelings...
House: anda are one evil cunning woman. It's a massive turn on.
Cuddy and House
