(( I wrote this in a fit of passion while listening to utterly depressing soundtrack music, so if it gets a bit otherworldly/dramatic atau strange I do apologize. ^^ Thank anda for Membaca and I hope anda enjoy!))
Hungary(fem)POV. Shortly after all the drama that anda will read about link.
Now without further ado I present some mad fangirl ramblings~
With a strangled cry of disbelief, Eliza crumpled to her knees and stared numbly at the door as it swung closed with a resounding slam, sweeping a sharp gust of chilly air across her face. 'Divorce papers'.
The breeze that carried those words only served to add to the allusion of a slap to the face and her hati, tengah-tengah throbbed painfully as she struggled to pull air into her burning lungs. She willed herself to quiet the staggered gasps of effort and respire normally. To not be overcome sejak the crushing guilt that pressed against her chest relentlessly and made breathing impossible. To do something. Anything.
She simply stared into angkasa for a while in a strange and inconsolably searing mix of denial and suffocating grief before eventually coming to face her mangled reality. He was finally done with her.
Her newly regained breath left her in a sudden whoosh and she had the agonizing feeling of sinking past any point of return. With a shuddering sigh she bit her lip in a vain attempt to quell the sob that threatened to rip from her and fill the empty room with her agony. Something pathetically caught between a miserable whimper and an exasperated sigh flew past her quivering lips but surprisingly no tears came. In an odd way she felt shamefully relieved that things fell into place the way they did. Mind anda she wasn't happy about her predicament in the slightest but she no longer bore the sinful burden of deception. And even if it was only sejak an insignificant amount, that-at least-made it a little bit easier for her to live with herself.
And that in itself was going to be a hard thing to do.
The thought of Prussia hating her severely depressed her.
The possibility that she'd never see him again broke her heart. And she hated herself for it.
All of it. 'A moment of weakness'
, that was what Liechtenstein had tactfully coined her selfishness as.
She wondered now if in that weakness she had ever envisioned the resulting consequences.
If she had, then surely things would have been much much different.
Tired mentally and emotionally she sought for every silver lining her exhausted mind could reach for. Kato
With a small sigh her hand and eyes fell to her swollen belly and she allowed a small smile to soften her features. Of course, the very manifestation of her deceit would be one of her only sources of joy.
"Mama can't wait to meet you...", she murmured into the silence, jumping a bit at the sound of her own voice.
Suddenly aware of herself Eliza shuddered in disgust, finding her existence very weak and ugly. A pitiable self-loathing consumed her and darkened her self-image considerably. She hated them. All of the conflicting emotions that melded together into a potent wave and steadily tore her apart were cursed vehemently in every language she knew.
But of course, she was just using them as a scapegoat. She was frustrated with herself lebih than anything.
Tired of feeling and sick of thinking she started to hum to herself. Gradually the tune lifted into a melody and eventually into a song. Soothed a bit she sang on, tears rolling down her cheeks yet imperceptible in her voice.
It was an old Hungarian folk ballad. It was almost funny how the lyrics paralleled her life at the moment.
An immoral woman drowning in a sin that eventually killed her. She was cursed and hated but in truth she was just lonely. Desperately lonely.
When her voice grew horse and failed her, her memory picked up where she left off, spiraling the sad tune around the slowly darkening room.
It felt empty, so, so empty. So big and unforgiving without him. As it would be from now on. But this time it would be different, she would stop living for herself and start living for others, one person in particular for that matter. For as long as she knew she was needed sejak someone she'd find a way to keep it together.
"I'm truly sorry my beloved...", she whispered, wiping her damp cheeks and slowly getting to her feet. She could stand, even if it did hurt like hell. And if she could stand then surely she could put one foot in front of the other and start to alih forward. Living with regrets was too tiring and stifling, living with shame she could handle. Living with herself, that was going to take some time. A long, long
And as much as she wanted to scream and fight against it she had to face the fact that it was her plain default of common sense that had soiled her love, so she had no right to complain anymore.
With trembling hands she gently wound her fingers around the doorknob, refusing to look at the golden ring flung carelessly to the ground in heartbreak and anger. One step at a time.
She coaxed herself to open the door and smoothed her face into a mask of indifference. Grin and menanggung, bear it. For the rest of your damn life. -Le Fin-
(( *runs to a corner and hides* DX IM SORRY IF IT SUCKS I WAS UP TILL THREE TRYING TO FINISH THIS AND I WAS HUNGRY AND SLEEPY! djsgvk.bgfvj
Thank anda for reading. I am open to criticism *loads rifle* as well as reviews! Liz loves anda /]^3^[\ ~<3
Please excuse the typos, I really don't give a damn anymore~! ))