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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my senarai of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let anda know now i got alot of these from the YouTube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything atau eating anything anda might spit it atau something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the penyapu late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's kegemaran vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the cendawan have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do anda call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do anda call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do anda make an octopus giggle ten times?
anda give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do anda make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's kegemaran composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between anda and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't anda hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher berkata it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the tomato, sos tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do anda know if it's raining Kucing and dogs?
anda step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do anda know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do anda get Pikachu on a bus?
anda Pokémon (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't anda dress with Pikachu in the room?
He'll Pikachu (peek at you)

#27 What do anda call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
anda boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton menyeberang, cross the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do anda call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's merah jambu and fluffy?
merah jambu fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
merah jambu fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when anda drink 7 coca colas?
anda burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the ikan say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't anda trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope anda liked them. Make sure anda check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
 PewDiePie
PewDiePie
posted by dodo4
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare



The words of truth are always paradoxical.
- Lao Tzu

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.
- Lao Tzu

The wise man does not lay up his own treasures.
The lebih he gives to others, the lebih he has for his own.
- Lao Tzu

Nothing is softer atau lebih flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it.
- Lao Tzu

Silence is a sumber of great strength.
- Lao Tzu

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever anda ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

The cave you...
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Man: Where have anda been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen anda someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this kerusi, tempat duduk empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if anda sit down.

Man: Your place atau mine?
Woman: Both. anda go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do anda do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: hei baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do anda like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the ends of the world...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF anda DON'T PASS THIS ON anda DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All hari long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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20. Yoruichi Shihoin from "Bleach" Cool, Smart, fast, strong and she can turn into a cat, Yoruichi is the bomb. Even her former student Soi-Fon loves and respects her.
 The MASTER of female shinigami.
The MASTER of female shinigami.

19. Kushina Uzamaki from "Naruto" The mother of the main character Kushina get's little time in the sires cause she's dead but that doesn't stop her from being totally kick keldai in life.
 The red hot-blooded habanero.
The red hot-blooded habanero.

18. Mana from "Yu-Gi-Oh!" My kegemaran Yu-Gi-Oh girl...Fun, pretty and AWESOME. Mana is one of the strongest and few girls in this sires about guys.
 The original dark magician girl.
The original dark magician...
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1. Q."Can I screw you?"
A.I would say: "No..."

2. Q/M."Would anda mind if I read this?"*Holds up some porn magazine*
A. I would say: "I don't give a da**..."

3. Q/M. *Hugs anda and takes a little something off anda would like him not to*
A.I would slap him and say "Don't do that, da** it!"

4. Q. "Are anda sure we can't f***?"
A. I would say: "If anda say that agin...I swear I'm going to get ticked..."
5. Q. "That somehow arouses me..."
A. I would say:"Get aroused all anda want, not like I care if anda are atau aren't...As long as anda don't jump around..."

6. Q. "I want to sign your shirt..."
A. I would say:...
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posted by xxXsk8trXxx
Abbaye de Belloc
Abbaye de Citeaux
Abbaye du Mont des Kucing
Abertam
Abondance
Acapella
Ackawi
Acorn
Adelost
Affidelice au Chablis
Afuega'l Pitu
Airag
Airedale
Aisy Cendre
Allgauer Emmentaler
Alverca
Ambert
American Cheese
Ami du Chambertin
Anejo Enchilado
Anneau du Vic-Bilh
Anthoriro
Appenzell
Aragon
Ardi Gasna
Ardrahan
Armenian String
Aromes au Gene de Marc
Asadero
Asiago
Aubisque Pyrenees
Autun
Avaxtskyr
Baby Swiss
Babybel
Baguette Laonnaise
Bakers
Baladi
Balaton
Bandal
Banon
Barry's bay Cheddar
Basing
Basket Cheese
Bath Cheese
Bavarian Bergkase
Baylough
Beaufort
Beauvoorde
Beenleigh Blue...
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posted by IsabellaMCullen
Found this on the net. If it's been telah diposkan here before (Because I'm not sure if it has) let me know and I'll remove it...


1. Go to order a large popcorn(like the biggest one they have). When they give it to you, look at it, then throw it on the floor angrily and start crying for no reason.

2. Wait until there's a funny part in the movie. When the laughter starts to die down, scream at the bahagian, atas of your lungs.

3. Before the movie starts, sit near the front. Start moaning loudly and dancing wildly.

4. At the end of the movie, when the credits are rolling, stand up quickly and try to convince everyone...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Solve the puzzles sejak saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until anda "hear" the answer.

Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED jenazah, hearse, kereta mayat WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN...
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-The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

-Our eyes never grow, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

-A sneeze can exceed the speed of 100 mph.

-The most common blood type in the world is type O.

-The rarest blood type in the world is type A-H, less than 12 people have it.

-Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

-You consume 1/10 of a calorie every time anda lick a stamp.

-It takes lebih calories to eat a piece of saderi than the saderi provides anda with.

-Many people think eating ikan makes anda lebih intelligent.(sorry - it doesn't)

-Some lions mate 50 times a day.

-No...
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posted by angy7sdg
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of

the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.




Only in America ......do people order

double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.





Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.





Only in America ......do we leave cars

worth thousands of dollars in the

driveway and put our useless junk, sarap in the garage.




Only in America ......do we buy hot Anjing in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.




Only in America ......do we use the...
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added by adultswimperson
Source: Google
posted by KitKitty12
(A/N) there is gayness, cussing, and sex


~Jason's POV~

I had just woke up tomorrow is Pax and im really excited.

I pulled off the covers and swung my legs over the side of the katil and stood up.

I'm going to Pax with Sky, Dawn, Husky, Jerome, And Deadlox, i was excited i'd never actually met them and tomorrow i would.

I grabbed a pair of clothes and a towel and hopped into the pancuran, pancuran mandian blasting my outro song Eclipse.

Five to ten minit later i climbed out and pulled my clothes on and brushed my hair out.

"Daily routine..done" I muttered to myself staring at the mirror.

My phone rang, i quickly grabbed...
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added by fanfly
Source: wallcoo.com
added by SummerThunder
added by edwardcarlisle
Source: didyoukno
posted by Cyrusrocks
My sister sent me this, funniest thing ever.


Best Divorce Letter, EVERRRRRR!

Dear wife:

I'm Penulisan anda this letter to tell anda that I'm leaving anda forever. I've been a good man to anda for 7 years & I have nothing to tunjuk for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that anda quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, anda came utama & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your kegemaran meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. anda ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. anda don't...
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added by fanfly
Source: wallsonline.com
added by BellaMetallica
found this on the net:

13 Fun Things To Do To Get Salespeople on the Phone to Hang Up

1. If they want to loan anda money, tell them anda just filed for bankruptcy and anda could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, atau is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

2. If anda get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping atau whatever. See how long that commission...
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added by breebree446