Well, it's officially official (haha) I'm now a paid photographer. It's kinda crazy. I never seen myself going in this direction, ever, if you'd of told me a bulan lalu this is what I'd be doing I'd of probably just laughed and then had a long Debat in my head about it in the darkness of my bedroom that night.. but it just happened and it's like perfect flexibility with Nick & Nat-Nat & college & everything else in my life.
It's not a full-time thing and definitely isn't the job I'm using to support myself, hopefully I can add a yet there but I'm not completely sure of this, not because I don't Cinta it, because believe me, I do, almost as much as the two beautiful kids that are passed out right now in their in playpen.
These things just take time, and hopefully I'm good enough to own that time and turn it into something that I can depend on instead of working jobs as a waitress and stuff while raising twins and going to college. I'm obviously one step ahead because it's no longer just a hobby, I get paid. The first step is also the easiest as I've been told.
Turns out, It's not as easy as I believed it would be but i'll never regret Natalie atau Nicholas because at times they're all that push me to keep moving forward.
I thought I'd end up as a song writer atau something so not a dream I had atau dreamed of having. But my hati, tengah-tengah found me in this little kedai down the jalan from the mall and I met this guy who was like, taking pictures of the chairs? Yeah, the chairs. And the way he started talking about it... it was just like I'd found something to turn to. I don't really know how to explain the feeling.
Like a cold pancuran, pancuran mandian after a hot hari sweatin' it up outside running atau whatever you'd imagine would wear anda out and make your muscles ache? I guess it's that feeling of immense relief & gratitude and just like love. Haha I'm sounding like a hippy aren't I? Sorry. I'm getting older, that $hit be cray. I'm off topic now, and have probably run off topic alot already so i'm gonna end this ramble here.
Now... back to the guy taking pictures of the sofa chairs in this rundown bookshop.
Turns out he was this like big shot incognito, yeah like known but unknown, (Why he insist on it I have no idea because his shots are like honorable to even have the chance to look at they're so gorgeous. I'm not trying to make him sound like a god atau anything but if anda just saw how he gets the shadows to hit his pictures and tell a story atau a sentence. And just transfer emotions onto things like a frickin' gutter you'd see what I mean and why I have no idea why he wouldn't take direct credit for his shots) photographer and I couldn't understand for the life of me why he'd be in this little unknown town I live in in Cali.
Like what kinda dude with money would be near Colfax? It's not like it's what they mengiklankan when they do vacation ads and stuff. But anyway this guy, after speaking to him a bit, asked me if i wanted to borrow one of his camera's because, "I looked interested enough," and meet him back in front of the kedai the seterusnya day(since they were closed on Sundays, obvi) and give it back to him.
Yeah I know, only I would be curious about a guy taking pictures of the chairs(Yeah, that was sarcasm even if it turned out he was actually taking pictures of the patterns on the chairs, still weird though.) in a book store and strike up conversation with this crazy looking' stranger about what the hell in the world was he doing. Anyway I was kinda torn. Have fun taking pictures of Rawak things all hari and pay Carly extra for babysitting atau just go utama and see my little munchkins? I started to tell the guy no then he started talking about the pictures of the woods he got earlier and anda could hear it, in his voice, how much these pictures meant to him.
So I gave it shot, because this dude was really persuasive, and spent the rest of that hari running around town like a young teenage girl with no worries having the time of my life trying so desperately to get a picture that would be perfect. I took pictures of people walking down the streets, a guy ticketing this car where the meter was telah tamat tempoh and lots of the woods and mountains that are in my backyard that I didn't actually pay much mind to 4 hours lalu but had become Lost in in those moments.
I returned the camera to the guy the seterusnya hari and before I even got to say thank anda he was already scrolling through the shots I took and handing me this pricey looking business card and telling me to give him a call in a week.
I got myself a new job and a new passion. Like, I don't know, this kinda feels like how I felt at the end of 8th grade where we started learning about the life-cycle of the stars and I was this huge astronomy nerd, always talking about how pretty supernovas were and that I wanted to end up being an astronomer one day.
Turns how anda have to have this big shot college degree, that's way to expensive for my britches, and not just a passion for it. And it'd of been just little nice if my 8th grade teacher would've warned me about how serious I needed to be about my grades in science to pursue that instead of just encouraging me. That dream had a horrific ending in 10th grade and there were tears involved.
I suck at science..like legit. It just spins circles around my brain and I'm guessing that the only reason I got an A in 8th grade(because its the only A I've ever received in that subject, i'd never forget) in my fourth quarter was because I was actually interested in the stars. I didn't get over it until my freshman tahun in college, sadly.
Even though now I think I know why I wanted to be one so badly. Once that man, that strange stranger I just met and didn't even know the name of(It's Micheal, sejak the way) gave me a camera with each new shot I realize even lebih how it wasn't the knowledge of astronomy that I was in Cinta with it was the beauty of what was written in the stars and how it would be so amazing to see them on the other side of the night sky. That's what it turns out I was obsessed with, sorta.
Lately I've found myself outside after the twins are dead to the world and just staring up at the stars and at the right moments I feel the itch in my fingers and the ache in my hati, tengah-tengah to just capture the moment on film. I haven't gotten my own camera yet, but I am saving up for that beauty I saw some other guy using the other day.
Then I realize that the magic of the moment isn't something I can copy because actually being there is a whole other story. But that I can transfer some of that beauty for others to see and that even if I get just a little bit of that magic to share with someone else then it's worth it, capturing the night sky, using up the memory on my phone, just so I can share it later and have a reason to talk about how I felt in that moment.
How strong those feelings were that I felt the need to talk about them until I Lost my voice.
How I thought about it 24/7 and how the stars haunt me in my dreams and on the other side of the lens.
Sharing the comfort I get from it. Passing on how overwhelmed I get when I realize how small I really am when it comes to the reality of things.
The beauty of the real world I see around me and the realization that while life can be quite crappy our reality is run wild with just as much beauty and wonder as our dreams. It's just as realistic as it is improbable. And that gives me just a little comfort. Just a little certainty that things'll end up okay in the end.
So taking pictures is what my escape is nowadays, my affair with Fotografi is my passion. And I felt this strange need to share it with anda guys for some reason. I was overwhelmed with like the feelings I've been having, they're so adult-like. I think i'm finally living now and while this was in the beginning just gonna be a dinding post in this spot I realize now it's gonna be an article.
If I've overwhelmed anda with my rambling, I'm sorry. I didn't plan on this turning into this huge of thing. This is getting enormously long so I'm gonna end it with this,
If anda read this thanks for taking the time, what are new surprise things that have happened to anda recently? Things that have smacked anda in face surprised you. What are anda passionate about nowadays that anda wanna talk until your lips fall off, about?
Cinta you! I always will because at one point in my life anda guys were some of the most important people I had. That's not something that just disappears, like ever. Thanks for everything anyone of anda has ever done for me. I wish there was a way I could thank anda all in person.