I basically combined all the stories from Ruflowers, fixed up some stuff (spelling, grammar, etc) and swapped them around to the order that made the most sense...If this thing makes any sense at all. If you’d like to read them from the actual site, it’s link.
CHAPTER 1: Brandon Bunga was at the place where the white boys dance. He was grinding his groin into whoever had a penis!
Just then a black man strolled in. It was RUFUS WAINWRIGHT!!!!! Oh, he wasn’t really black, he was just Canadian.
Brandon’s pores started immediately tingling with glittery arousal. He popped and locked his way through a throng of white boys hugging each other in silence to get to Rufus, who was wearing a velvet baju and leather pants with spiky heel shoes.
“Hey sailor, what’s your name?” Brandon started giving Rufus a lap dance even though Rufus was standing, so Brandon was straddling him basically.
“Rufus Wainwright – what’s yours?”
“Brrrrrrrraaaaaaandon,” Brandon replied as he stretched his tongue out all the way to lick his own beard saucily.
“My, what a sexual dancer anda are.” Rufus complimented.
“Yeah I know, wanna bUmP n GrInD????????”
CHAPTER 2: Brandon was in his hometown of Las Vegas, walking down Main jalan when he bumped into someone. When he looked up to apologize he was shocked to discover he was looking at his own face!!!
He and himself did that whole routine from that episode of I Cinta Lucy with Harpo Marx. (Author’s note: If anda don’t know what this is you’re too young to be Membaca RuFlOwErS.) It was amazing! Could he really be looking into a mirror?
Just then Brandon’s reflection spoke words of his own!
“BRANDON FLOWERS! Are anda a Vegas prostitute now? Did anda know that....” he lowered his voice conspiringly. “....Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off?”
“I MAY BE A QUEEN, BUT I’M NOT A GIRL!!!” Brandon cried as he slapped Brendon Urie across the face.
Just then Rufus strolled out of a casino. He had recently taken over Celine Dion’s tunjuk and was still wearing a beautiful sequined dress.
“What’s going on here?” He inquired.
CHAPTER 3: One hari Rufus and Brandon were browsing the information superhighway and Googling themselves.
“Oh Rufus,” Brandon said, “You’re so popular on the Web. What’s the secret to your success?”
“That’s easy Brandon!” Rufus replied. “The reason I am soooooo popular is because of....” He left a dramatic space.
“What is it? WHAT IS IT!?!?!?!?!” Brandon wailed, tugging at Rufus’ sleeve.
“....My mighty mane of chest hair.”
“Your chest is so sexxxxy Rufus,” Brandon berkata as he ran his hands over Rufus’ body. “But I can’t grow hair on my chest. :( How can I ever be as popular as you?”
Rufus was distracted for a moment sejak the way Brandon’s hands felt on his bod, but replied wisely, “Grow hair someplace else, duh.”
“You’re a genius Rufy! LET’S MAKE LOVE!!!!!!!!”
CHAPTER 4: “What is that thing?” Rufus asked in his most offended tone.
“What?” Brandon replied, confused.
“That!” Sassed Rufus, indicating Brandon’s fashionable new moustache with a disgusted wag of his finger.
“Oh, this?” Brandon said, stroking his whiskers enticingly. “You like?”
“It’s hideous!”
“You told me to grow hair someplace else, so I did!”
“I didn’t specifically say to grow a ulat, caterpillar on your face!”
“It’s not like your hairy situation is any better,” Brandon rebutted as he tugged lightly at Rufus’ chest hair.
“You bitch!” Rufus cried. He leapt out of katil and ran into the bathroom. Brandon could hear him rooting around in the cabinets.
“Aha!” Rufus emerged with something long unused in his hand: an electric razor.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Brandon screamed as Rufus lunged at him with the moustachio killer. They wrestled for control of the razor, which had been switched on.
In the end, Brandon ended up with no moustache and one eyebrow, while Rufus had a smiley face sheared into his chest hair.
And then they had make-up seeeeexxxxxxxx.
CHAPTER 5: On a stormy night Brandon was lying seterusnya to Rufus, dreaming of arms of Ros right above his couch. In the middle of his dream, he had a premonition.
“YOU CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYY BRANDOOOOOOOON...” Whispered the earth.
“WHAT WAS THAT??? I WAS TOO BUSY LOOKING AT THAT GREAT BIG SLED OVER THERE!” screamed Brandon to the earth.
“I berkata anda CAN FLY, anda ALABASTER RETARD!” The earth screamed back.
“OMG,” berkata Brandon has he clutched his hands to his chest and began floating into the air. Then he woke up and cried, for he was not really flying.
“What’s the matter, schnookums?” Asked Rufus, for his love’s tears had awakened him from a deep slumber, wherein he was dreaming about Membaca minds.
“Oh nothing,” Brandon berkata with a *sigh*. I CAN’T FLY :( he thought.
“YOU CAN’T FLY?!?” Rufus cried!
“CAN anda READ MY MIND?” Brandon sang!!!
CHAPTER 6: “Candy talks to strangers, thinks her life’s in danger...” Rufus heard coming from the walls of one of the nearby pre-show rehearsal rooms. He pushed the door open a little bit, slipping in quietly and closing the door behind him. Always having been entranced at the way Brandon threw his whole self into his music, Rufus stood to the side, leaning against a wall, water in hand.
“No, no....wait – can we take it fro--” Brandon looked up, catching sight of Rufus in the corner of his eye. “Hey, Pain-in-the-ass-wright,” he grinned, before turning back to Dave and humming a certain spot in the song. “Yeah, from there.”
Rufus watched as Brandon closed his eyes in concentration, head already moving to ASSHOLE STUPIDFACE Dave’s gitar line.
“Wait for something better, no one behind you, watching your shadows, this feeling won’t go!”
The whole song was different from anything else Rufus had heard – on their album atau during their shows. It was darker, but it was smoother with a string of words that anda knew ached something bad to whoever had dealt with them first hand.
“And the sky is full of dreams, but anda don’t know how to fly! I don’t have a simple answer, but I know that I could answer...”
“There’s something better!”
Rufus waited their song out, before clapping, and walking over to the other side of their setup.
“Sounded good. Different.....good.”
Brandon made a face – handsome, not cute, not hot, not sexy, handsome – and shook his head.
“You bigshot, Piano playing, hair-growing, not-shaving, ballad-singing assholes are all the same.” He joked.
Rufus laughed, but his attention was drawn elsewhere at the sound of a high-pitched *beeeeeeeeeeeep*!
Brandon’s eyes lit up. “Spaghettios done – who wants some?”
“Me!” berkata Asshole Stupidface Dave.
“Mmkay, sure.” Reaching into the microwave that was sitting on a nearby collapsible table, Brandon carefully pulled out three cans of Spaghettios. Walking back to where Rufus was still standing, Brandon tripped on a wire of Ronnie’s, causing him to tumble ke hadapan and spill Spaghettios all over his most prized feather jacket.
His face contorted into an emoticon of anger (>:O), and Brandon cursed.
“Chef boyar..fuck cunt keldai damn!”
“...” berkata Rufus, realizing that Brandon had fallen into his arms and that he was still supporting the thinner, hotter, gayer(?), younger man.
“Brandybuck, why do anda hate me?” Whined Asshole.
“IT’S CAUSE anda SUCK :(”
Brandon’s pupils dilated with lust as the noticed orange Spaghettio sauce dripping saucily down Rufus’ neck.
“Make Cinta to me!”
“Not now Brandon!” Rufus weakly protested as Brandon began licking sauce off his face.
“CHEF BOYARDEE MAKES ME RANDY!” Brandon squealed as he ripped off Rufus’ shirt, revealing his manly chest of hair.
Rufus’ crotch ached with longing!! “OMG, no we can’t! NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN! Asshole and Ronnie and Marky Mark are too young and impressionable.”
Brandon whined like the little jalang, perempuan jalang he was.
“Oh...FINE.” RUFUS TORE OFF HIS seluar dalam AND EXPOSED HIS MAGICAL PENIS OF WONDER. Rufus reminded himself that this was the very penis that condemned Lucifer to hell. What is a poor, depressing thespian like him to do!?!?
“Brandon, please release my stars! I’ve wanted your HOT BOD since the beginning of time!” moaned the moaning Rufus who licked hungrily at Brandon’s guyliner.
Brandon threw his head back in a passionate, passiony, passionable, fiery ecstasy of a passionate sort, letting a low growly moan (not much unlike that of a hippopotamus’) escape him.
“Not here, my love! anda are my soul mate and I cannot take anda from behind in front of these heathens!!!”
Davey, Ronnie, Marky Mark and Stephen Hawking looked at the saucy couple in astonished bamboozlement. Hawking had a boner.
“Stephen!!!” Brandon shrieked, “Do anda want to have a threesome with me and Rufus?!”
“Yes. I. Would. Like. That. Brand. On. Thank. You.”
Brandon climbed onto Hawking’s lap, still clinging to Rufus’ strong, muscular, fabulous arm.
The rest of The Killers just sat in the back, munching on their exploded Spaghettios like cows and watching.
“Why. Brandy. Kins. That. Is. Not. Such. A. Bad. Idea. For. My. Study. Of. Physic. Colloquiums. Has. Readied. Me. With. Such. Knowledge. In. A. Task. Like. This.” Stephen said, excitedly.
Just then, Juanes the cabana boy strolled in.
“OH MY GAWWWWDDDDDDDD!!! ROOOOFUS, I THOUGHT anda WERE COMING utama EARLY SO WE COULD MAKE Cinta IN YOUR POOL HOWWWWWWWSE!!!!!!!” The stupid cabana boy cried.
Brandon shot a look of disgust towards Rufus. “Is this true?!” He exclaimed.
“I-I...Du....We...Ja....”
Brandon FIERCELY got off Hawking’s lap and went to sulk in the corner. “I just can’t believe you’d do something like this to me! anda TWO TIMING WHORE!!!!!!!!!”
Juanes spontaneously combusted and Brandon sat on Hawking’s lap again. Rufus looked distraught at the thought of boning Hawking.
“It’s not polite to straddle the disabled, honey!”
Brandon sighed with acceptance. “You’re right, babycakes! LET’S FRICK!!!!!!!!!”
CHAPTER 7: Rufus and Brandon made Cinta in Italy for 3 hours straight.
After their orgasmic Cinta of deflowering each other’s sweet, sweet manhole of dedication and love, Brandon became his pissy self again. “But still, anda cheated on me with that cabana slut! I’m never gonna dance again, Rufus.”
Rufus pouted, because he pouts a lot.
“Don’t start with that shit, baby. anda know how I feel about my lack of feet to dance to a rhythm with. Besides, I Cinta you, baby, and only you. Never anyone else. Only you. Just you. You, Brandon. Only you, never anyone but you. Always you. anda anda anda anda you.”
Brandon then climbed to the tallest balcony and declared, “NO! I’M NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN, GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHY--”
Brandon was interrupted from the inside. He heard a whirring sound coming from his bedchambers.
“Who goes there?” Brandon called into the mist of shadows.
He saw something move. He could just barely make out a figure... It seemed to be a man sitting in a chair.
“It. Is. I. Forthwith. I. Hath. Cometh. To. Save. You. From. Your. Sexual. Woe. Ings.”
“OH HAWKING, HOW I’VE MISSED YE SO!” Brandon leapt into his RLS-ridden body. “LET ME RAVISH YOU!”
Hawking leapt to his feet and threw Brandon down on the feather bed. “I. Hath. Waited. A. Fortnight. For. This.” He unbuttoned his baju and motioned for Brandon to do the same.
Just then, Brandon remembered, through the haze of his overwhelming arousal, that Stephen Hawking cannot stand up! He ripped the mystery man’s face skin off, and underneath was ANDREW RIDGELEY!!!!!
“OH MY GOD IT’S ANDY RIDGELEY!!! I WROTE A SONG ABOUT YOU!”
“REALLY?!?” Andrew Ridgeley replied, tears in his eyes.
“LOL JK RUFUS COME SAVE ME!!!”
Rufus stepped into the room dressed in his knight costume from Want One, clutching a rapier. “Nuts atau guts? Your pick, anda little old doll with a frown!”
Andy sprinted for the window.
“Okay, I can do both.” berkata Rufus.
Stepping over Andrew Ridgeley’s mutilated, testicleless body, Rufus cried, “Please forgive me Brandon!!!”
“I forgive you, my darlingest teddy bear!”
Then they tongued each other until the sun came home!
CHAPTER 8: And then once the sun came home, they stopped.
There was a *knock-knock-knock* on the bedroom door.
Brandon mumbled, “Check who’s there, Roofeez. (NOT THE DRUG!!!!)”
“Ok, poochysnookumcandybean.”
After Rufus opened the door, he stood there in awe.
“Who’s at the door?”
The door slammed shut!! And Rufus was out in the hallway.
Brandon heard strange noises!!!!!!!! Was Rufus okay?????????
brandy HEARD A VOICE SHOUTING AND IT WASN’T HIS RUFY’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“YOU KILLED ANDY! HOW COULD YOU!?” It shouted.
“He was raping my Bran Muffin!!” Rufus shouted back.
Brandon ran out into the corridor with a broken wine bottle and stabbed whoever it was in the chest!
When he looked down he was horrified to discover he had ripped out George Michael’s hati, tengah-tengah with the bottle!
He wept in the arms of Rufus for several minit before they stuffed the body in a washing machine down the hall.
“MURDER MAKES ME RANDY!!!!!!” Brandon squealed.
Rufus took him hard until it was time for brunch.
CHAPTER 9: Brandon woke at the crack of sarapan lewat pagi, sarapan tengah hari o’clock. “Boy, am I still erect from the happenings of yesternight.” He said.
He turned to talk to Rufus about this dream he had about a cactus that was late for work but didn’t want to work because he had some polo lessons to attend to in Antarctica when he realized...IT WASN’T RUFUS!!!!!!!!
Brandon squealed like a baby pork chop. “WHAT DID THE MAID DO WITH RUFUS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
IT SEEMED SHE HAD REPLACED RUFUS’ DARLING SLEEPING BOD WITH THE DEAD BOD OF GM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brandon cried for a minit and then realized he needed to fulfil his lifelong dream...
To hump the dead out of George Michael.
During their passionate corpsified lovemaking, George Mikey had a hati, tengah-tengah attack and died (again)!!!! Brandon was saddened for a minit but then tossed the dead body out the window where it landed on bahagian, atas of an Entenmann’s pastry truck.
Brandon ran to the laundry room to find Rufus hanging from the ceiling!
“LOL RUFY!!!!” Brandon pointed and laughed.
“Blow me!” Rufus ordered.
“Yes master!!!!” Replied Brandon. He moved to take Rufus down from the ceiling but Rufus kicked him in the jaw!
“Leave me up here!”
Brandon sucked Rufus’ as if he’d never sucked a wiener before.
“HALLELUJAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cried Rufus.
Brandon orgasmed a whole lot. Then he took off Rufus’ t-shirt, revealing a third nipple.
“WHAT DOES THAT DO??????” Brandon said.
Rufus giggled in his mannish man tone.
“YOU LOOK AT IT THEN IT EXPLODES!!!!!!!”
Then, without knocking, Justin ‘Jesus’ Timberlake, followed sejak Joseph Stalin walked in.
“OMG WHY CAN’T anda KNOCK!? WE WERE HAVING AN INTIMATE CONVO HERE, PEEPZ.” berkata Brandon.
Stalin giggled, “I BROUGHT COOKIES!!!!!”
JT snorted. “LET’S GET THIS FUCKIN’ PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!!!!”
Brandon and Rufus were confused!! WHAT WERE THEY TO DO???????????????
Brandon cried and touched Rufus’ nipple. :(
Then Rufus’ nipple exploded because everyone was looking at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stalin and Jesus were killed sejak the explosion but Brandon was ensconced in unmentionables so he was okay.
“Rufus I was so scared! I thought Joseph was gonna knit us to death!”
“I would never let that happen. Let’s get out of here!”
Brandon and Rufus took the seterusnya flight to Alaska where they moved into an igloo with a family of Eskimos. They made Cinta inside a ikan paus carcass all winter long!
CHAPTER 10: One night, it was cold. Because Alaska is cold. Because it was Alaska. Rufus, cuddled up to his shnookyboopyweeshywashylovelybumpkincupcakeloverman, opened his eyes wide, waking in a cold sweat and clutching his scar.
“OMG!!!! ESKIMOS!!”
Brandon woke up too.
“OMG!!!!!!!!!!! ESKIMOS MAKE ME RANDY!!!!!!!!!”
Then they got up and realized that they were surrounded sejak crazy Eskimos who wanted to eat their sexy, sexy innards. There were ready to fight but then decided to stop and have MADMADMADMADMADMADMADHOTSEX like they were on Bill Nye.
“OH BRANDFUCKINGON! YOU’RE HOT LIKE SPAGHETTIOS!”
Brandon suddenly acted like he had pulut, garangan Penis Wargh Narf Syndrome and jumped back in HORROR.
“HOW DARE anda BRING UP THAT SITUATION AGAIN?!”
Then he went out into the wild to face the Eskimos sejak himself.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The End.
atau IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
EPILOGUE: It was all set. Brandon had everything ready for tonight’s [/i]Rufus does Judy[/i] concert: His Hello Kitty bic lighter, 50 sparklers, some illegal Mexican fireworks, and his hEaRt.
“Brandon! Hurry up atau we’re going to be late!” Rufus yelled from the bottom of the stairs. That metrohomosexual always takes 14 hours to get ready! He thought.
“Coming darls!!!!!!” Brandon replied. He laced up his combat boots and ran to the stairs. Brandon slid down the banister magically in less than 5 seconds, grabbed his parasol, and took Rufus’ arm. They left their Italian villa and started walking to the midnight show.
On their way to the concert, however, the encountered a UNIBROWED SPANISH VILLAIN!
IT WAS JUANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**This was written a few years lalu so there are a few out-of-date things, such as:
- Brandon wearing guyliner
- Rufus no longer re-enacts Judy Garland’s 1961 Carnegie Hall concert
- Sam’s Town moustache
- The fact that Joseph Stalin died several decades ago
Additionally, if anda read the link, anda would have noticed a story I haven’t included. (The one about Halloween and Brandon dressing up as a bottle of bleach)
I decided against publishing that particular story because Brandon’s mother is noted and I felt that under these circumstances, it was inappropriate. (Remember, it was written a few years ago)
And that story wasn’t all that funny anyway.
Hope anda liked this!
CHAPTER 1: Brandon Bunga was at the place where the white boys dance. He was grinding his groin into whoever had a penis!
Just then a black man strolled in. It was RUFUS WAINWRIGHT!!!!! Oh, he wasn’t really black, he was just Canadian.
Brandon’s pores started immediately tingling with glittery arousal. He popped and locked his way through a throng of white boys hugging each other in silence to get to Rufus, who was wearing a velvet baju and leather pants with spiky heel shoes.
“Hey sailor, what’s your name?” Brandon started giving Rufus a lap dance even though Rufus was standing, so Brandon was straddling him basically.
“Rufus Wainwright – what’s yours?”
“Brrrrrrrraaaaaaandon,” Brandon replied as he stretched his tongue out all the way to lick his own beard saucily.
“My, what a sexual dancer anda are.” Rufus complimented.
“Yeah I know, wanna bUmP n GrInD????????”
CHAPTER 2: Brandon was in his hometown of Las Vegas, walking down Main jalan when he bumped into someone. When he looked up to apologize he was shocked to discover he was looking at his own face!!!
He and himself did that whole routine from that episode of I Cinta Lucy with Harpo Marx. (Author’s note: If anda don’t know what this is you’re too young to be Membaca RuFlOwErS.) It was amazing! Could he really be looking into a mirror?
Just then Brandon’s reflection spoke words of his own!
“BRANDON FLOWERS! Are anda a Vegas prostitute now? Did anda know that....” he lowered his voice conspiringly. “....Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off?”
“I MAY BE A QUEEN, BUT I’M NOT A GIRL!!!” Brandon cried as he slapped Brendon Urie across the face.
Just then Rufus strolled out of a casino. He had recently taken over Celine Dion’s tunjuk and was still wearing a beautiful sequined dress.
“What’s going on here?” He inquired.
CHAPTER 3: One hari Rufus and Brandon were browsing the information superhighway and Googling themselves.
“Oh Rufus,” Brandon said, “You’re so popular on the Web. What’s the secret to your success?”
“That’s easy Brandon!” Rufus replied. “The reason I am soooooo popular is because of....” He left a dramatic space.
“What is it? WHAT IS IT!?!?!?!?!” Brandon wailed, tugging at Rufus’ sleeve.
“....My mighty mane of chest hair.”
“Your chest is so sexxxxy Rufus,” Brandon berkata as he ran his hands over Rufus’ body. “But I can’t grow hair on my chest. :( How can I ever be as popular as you?”
Rufus was distracted for a moment sejak the way Brandon’s hands felt on his bod, but replied wisely, “Grow hair someplace else, duh.”
“You’re a genius Rufy! LET’S MAKE LOVE!!!!!!!!”
CHAPTER 4: “What is that thing?” Rufus asked in his most offended tone.
“What?” Brandon replied, confused.
“That!” Sassed Rufus, indicating Brandon’s fashionable new moustache with a disgusted wag of his finger.
“Oh, this?” Brandon said, stroking his whiskers enticingly. “You like?”
“It’s hideous!”
“You told me to grow hair someplace else, so I did!”
“I didn’t specifically say to grow a ulat, caterpillar on your face!”
“It’s not like your hairy situation is any better,” Brandon rebutted as he tugged lightly at Rufus’ chest hair.
“You bitch!” Rufus cried. He leapt out of katil and ran into the bathroom. Brandon could hear him rooting around in the cabinets.
“Aha!” Rufus emerged with something long unused in his hand: an electric razor.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Brandon screamed as Rufus lunged at him with the moustachio killer. They wrestled for control of the razor, which had been switched on.
In the end, Brandon ended up with no moustache and one eyebrow, while Rufus had a smiley face sheared into his chest hair.
And then they had make-up seeeeexxxxxxxx.
CHAPTER 5: On a stormy night Brandon was lying seterusnya to Rufus, dreaming of arms of Ros right above his couch. In the middle of his dream, he had a premonition.
“YOU CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYY BRANDOOOOOOOON...” Whispered the earth.
“WHAT WAS THAT??? I WAS TOO BUSY LOOKING AT THAT GREAT BIG SLED OVER THERE!” screamed Brandon to the earth.
“I berkata anda CAN FLY, anda ALABASTER RETARD!” The earth screamed back.
“OMG,” berkata Brandon has he clutched his hands to his chest and began floating into the air. Then he woke up and cried, for he was not really flying.
“What’s the matter, schnookums?” Asked Rufus, for his love’s tears had awakened him from a deep slumber, wherein he was dreaming about Membaca minds.
“Oh nothing,” Brandon berkata with a *sigh*. I CAN’T FLY :( he thought.
“YOU CAN’T FLY?!?” Rufus cried!
“CAN anda READ MY MIND?” Brandon sang!!!
CHAPTER 6: “Candy talks to strangers, thinks her life’s in danger...” Rufus heard coming from the walls of one of the nearby pre-show rehearsal rooms. He pushed the door open a little bit, slipping in quietly and closing the door behind him. Always having been entranced at the way Brandon threw his whole self into his music, Rufus stood to the side, leaning against a wall, water in hand.
“No, no....wait – can we take it fro--” Brandon looked up, catching sight of Rufus in the corner of his eye. “Hey, Pain-in-the-ass-wright,” he grinned, before turning back to Dave and humming a certain spot in the song. “Yeah, from there.”
Rufus watched as Brandon closed his eyes in concentration, head already moving to ASSHOLE STUPIDFACE Dave’s gitar line.
“Wait for something better, no one behind you, watching your shadows, this feeling won’t go!”
The whole song was different from anything else Rufus had heard – on their album atau during their shows. It was darker, but it was smoother with a string of words that anda knew ached something bad to whoever had dealt with them first hand.
“And the sky is full of dreams, but anda don’t know how to fly! I don’t have a simple answer, but I know that I could answer...”
“There’s something better!”
Rufus waited their song out, before clapping, and walking over to the other side of their setup.
“Sounded good. Different.....good.”
Brandon made a face – handsome, not cute, not hot, not sexy, handsome – and shook his head.
“You bigshot, Piano playing, hair-growing, not-shaving, ballad-singing assholes are all the same.” He joked.
Rufus laughed, but his attention was drawn elsewhere at the sound of a high-pitched *beeeeeeeeeeeep*!
Brandon’s eyes lit up. “Spaghettios done – who wants some?”
“Me!” berkata Asshole Stupidface Dave.
“Mmkay, sure.” Reaching into the microwave that was sitting on a nearby collapsible table, Brandon carefully pulled out three cans of Spaghettios. Walking back to where Rufus was still standing, Brandon tripped on a wire of Ronnie’s, causing him to tumble ke hadapan and spill Spaghettios all over his most prized feather jacket.
His face contorted into an emoticon of anger (>:O), and Brandon cursed.
“Chef boyar..fuck cunt keldai damn!”
“...” berkata Rufus, realizing that Brandon had fallen into his arms and that he was still supporting the thinner, hotter, gayer(?), younger man.
“Brandybuck, why do anda hate me?” Whined Asshole.
“IT’S CAUSE anda SUCK :(”
Brandon’s pupils dilated with lust as the noticed orange Spaghettio sauce dripping saucily down Rufus’ neck.
“Make Cinta to me!”
“Not now Brandon!” Rufus weakly protested as Brandon began licking sauce off his face.
“CHEF BOYARDEE MAKES ME RANDY!” Brandon squealed as he ripped off Rufus’ shirt, revealing his manly chest of hair.
Rufus’ crotch ached with longing!! “OMG, no we can’t! NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN! Asshole and Ronnie and Marky Mark are too young and impressionable.”
Brandon whined like the little jalang, perempuan jalang he was.
“Oh...FINE.” RUFUS TORE OFF HIS seluar dalam AND EXPOSED HIS MAGICAL PENIS OF WONDER. Rufus reminded himself that this was the very penis that condemned Lucifer to hell. What is a poor, depressing thespian like him to do!?!?
“Brandon, please release my stars! I’ve wanted your HOT BOD since the beginning of time!” moaned the moaning Rufus who licked hungrily at Brandon’s guyliner.
Brandon threw his head back in a passionate, passiony, passionable, fiery ecstasy of a passionate sort, letting a low growly moan (not much unlike that of a hippopotamus’) escape him.
“Not here, my love! anda are my soul mate and I cannot take anda from behind in front of these heathens!!!”
Davey, Ronnie, Marky Mark and Stephen Hawking looked at the saucy couple in astonished bamboozlement. Hawking had a boner.
“Stephen!!!” Brandon shrieked, “Do anda want to have a threesome with me and Rufus?!”
“Yes. I. Would. Like. That. Brand. On. Thank. You.”
Brandon climbed onto Hawking’s lap, still clinging to Rufus’ strong, muscular, fabulous arm.
The rest of The Killers just sat in the back, munching on their exploded Spaghettios like cows and watching.
“Why. Brandy. Kins. That. Is. Not. Such. A. Bad. Idea. For. My. Study. Of. Physic. Colloquiums. Has. Readied. Me. With. Such. Knowledge. In. A. Task. Like. This.” Stephen said, excitedly.
Just then, Juanes the cabana boy strolled in.
“OH MY GAWWWWDDDDDDDD!!! ROOOOFUS, I THOUGHT anda WERE COMING utama EARLY SO WE COULD MAKE Cinta IN YOUR POOL HOWWWWWWWSE!!!!!!!” The stupid cabana boy cried.
Brandon shot a look of disgust towards Rufus. “Is this true?!” He exclaimed.
“I-I...Du....We...Ja....”
Brandon FIERCELY got off Hawking’s lap and went to sulk in the corner. “I just can’t believe you’d do something like this to me! anda TWO TIMING WHORE!!!!!!!!!”
Juanes spontaneously combusted and Brandon sat on Hawking’s lap again. Rufus looked distraught at the thought of boning Hawking.
“It’s not polite to straddle the disabled, honey!”
Brandon sighed with acceptance. “You’re right, babycakes! LET’S FRICK!!!!!!!!!”
CHAPTER 7: Rufus and Brandon made Cinta in Italy for 3 hours straight.
After their orgasmic Cinta of deflowering each other’s sweet, sweet manhole of dedication and love, Brandon became his pissy self again. “But still, anda cheated on me with that cabana slut! I’m never gonna dance again, Rufus.”
Rufus pouted, because he pouts a lot.
“Don’t start with that shit, baby. anda know how I feel about my lack of feet to dance to a rhythm with. Besides, I Cinta you, baby, and only you. Never anyone else. Only you. Just you. You, Brandon. Only you, never anyone but you. Always you. anda anda anda anda you.”
Brandon then climbed to the tallest balcony and declared, “NO! I’M NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN, GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHY--”
Brandon was interrupted from the inside. He heard a whirring sound coming from his bedchambers.
“Who goes there?” Brandon called into the mist of shadows.
He saw something move. He could just barely make out a figure... It seemed to be a man sitting in a chair.
“It. Is. I. Forthwith. I. Hath. Cometh. To. Save. You. From. Your. Sexual. Woe. Ings.”
“OH HAWKING, HOW I’VE MISSED YE SO!” Brandon leapt into his RLS-ridden body. “LET ME RAVISH YOU!”
Hawking leapt to his feet and threw Brandon down on the feather bed. “I. Hath. Waited. A. Fortnight. For. This.” He unbuttoned his baju and motioned for Brandon to do the same.
Just then, Brandon remembered, through the haze of his overwhelming arousal, that Stephen Hawking cannot stand up! He ripped the mystery man’s face skin off, and underneath was ANDREW RIDGELEY!!!!!
“OH MY GOD IT’S ANDY RIDGELEY!!! I WROTE A SONG ABOUT YOU!”
“REALLY?!?” Andrew Ridgeley replied, tears in his eyes.
“LOL JK RUFUS COME SAVE ME!!!”
Rufus stepped into the room dressed in his knight costume from Want One, clutching a rapier. “Nuts atau guts? Your pick, anda little old doll with a frown!”
Andy sprinted for the window.
“Okay, I can do both.” berkata Rufus.
Stepping over Andrew Ridgeley’s mutilated, testicleless body, Rufus cried, “Please forgive me Brandon!!!”
“I forgive you, my darlingest teddy bear!”
Then they tongued each other until the sun came home!
CHAPTER 8: And then once the sun came home, they stopped.
There was a *knock-knock-knock* on the bedroom door.
Brandon mumbled, “Check who’s there, Roofeez. (NOT THE DRUG!!!!)”
“Ok, poochysnookumcandybean.”
After Rufus opened the door, he stood there in awe.
“Who’s at the door?”
The door slammed shut!! And Rufus was out in the hallway.
Brandon heard strange noises!!!!!!!! Was Rufus okay?????????
brandy HEARD A VOICE SHOUTING AND IT WASN’T HIS RUFY’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“YOU KILLED ANDY! HOW COULD YOU!?” It shouted.
“He was raping my Bran Muffin!!” Rufus shouted back.
Brandon ran out into the corridor with a broken wine bottle and stabbed whoever it was in the chest!
When he looked down he was horrified to discover he had ripped out George Michael’s hati, tengah-tengah with the bottle!
He wept in the arms of Rufus for several minit before they stuffed the body in a washing machine down the hall.
“MURDER MAKES ME RANDY!!!!!!” Brandon squealed.
Rufus took him hard until it was time for brunch.
CHAPTER 9: Brandon woke at the crack of sarapan lewat pagi, sarapan tengah hari o’clock. “Boy, am I still erect from the happenings of yesternight.” He said.
He turned to talk to Rufus about this dream he had about a cactus that was late for work but didn’t want to work because he had some polo lessons to attend to in Antarctica when he realized...IT WASN’T RUFUS!!!!!!!!
Brandon squealed like a baby pork chop. “WHAT DID THE MAID DO WITH RUFUS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
IT SEEMED SHE HAD REPLACED RUFUS’ DARLING SLEEPING BOD WITH THE DEAD BOD OF GM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brandon cried for a minit and then realized he needed to fulfil his lifelong dream...
To hump the dead out of George Michael.
During their passionate corpsified lovemaking, George Mikey had a hati, tengah-tengah attack and died (again)!!!! Brandon was saddened for a minit but then tossed the dead body out the window where it landed on bahagian, atas of an Entenmann’s pastry truck.
Brandon ran to the laundry room to find Rufus hanging from the ceiling!
“LOL RUFY!!!!” Brandon pointed and laughed.
“Blow me!” Rufus ordered.
“Yes master!!!!” Replied Brandon. He moved to take Rufus down from the ceiling but Rufus kicked him in the jaw!
“Leave me up here!”
Brandon sucked Rufus’ as if he’d never sucked a wiener before.
“HALLELUJAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Cried Rufus.
Brandon orgasmed a whole lot. Then he took off Rufus’ t-shirt, revealing a third nipple.
“WHAT DOES THAT DO??????” Brandon said.
Rufus giggled in his mannish man tone.
“YOU LOOK AT IT THEN IT EXPLODES!!!!!!!”
Then, without knocking, Justin ‘Jesus’ Timberlake, followed sejak Joseph Stalin walked in.
“OMG WHY CAN’T anda KNOCK!? WE WERE HAVING AN INTIMATE CONVO HERE, PEEPZ.” berkata Brandon.
Stalin giggled, “I BROUGHT COOKIES!!!!!”
JT snorted. “LET’S GET THIS FUCKIN’ PARTY STARTED!!!!!!!!!!”
Brandon and Rufus were confused!! WHAT WERE THEY TO DO???????????????
Brandon cried and touched Rufus’ nipple. :(
Then Rufus’ nipple exploded because everyone was looking at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stalin and Jesus were killed sejak the explosion but Brandon was ensconced in unmentionables so he was okay.
“Rufus I was so scared! I thought Joseph was gonna knit us to death!”
“I would never let that happen. Let’s get out of here!”
Brandon and Rufus took the seterusnya flight to Alaska where they moved into an igloo with a family of Eskimos. They made Cinta inside a ikan paus carcass all winter long!
CHAPTER 10: One night, it was cold. Because Alaska is cold. Because it was Alaska. Rufus, cuddled up to his shnookyboopyweeshywashylovelybumpkincupcakeloverman, opened his eyes wide, waking in a cold sweat and clutching his scar.
“OMG!!!! ESKIMOS!!”
Brandon woke up too.
“OMG!!!!!!!!!!! ESKIMOS MAKE ME RANDY!!!!!!!!!”
Then they got up and realized that they were surrounded sejak crazy Eskimos who wanted to eat their sexy, sexy innards. There were ready to fight but then decided to stop and have MADMADMADMADMADMADMADHOTSEX like they were on Bill Nye.
“OH BRANDFUCKINGON! YOU’RE HOT LIKE SPAGHETTIOS!”
Brandon suddenly acted like he had pulut, garangan Penis Wargh Narf Syndrome and jumped back in HORROR.
“HOW DARE anda BRING UP THAT SITUATION AGAIN?!”
Then he went out into the wild to face the Eskimos sejak himself.
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The End.
atau IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
EPILOGUE: It was all set. Brandon had everything ready for tonight’s [/i]Rufus does Judy[/i] concert: His Hello Kitty bic lighter, 50 sparklers, some illegal Mexican fireworks, and his hEaRt.
“Brandon! Hurry up atau we’re going to be late!” Rufus yelled from the bottom of the stairs. That metrohomosexual always takes 14 hours to get ready! He thought.
“Coming darls!!!!!!” Brandon replied. He laced up his combat boots and ran to the stairs. Brandon slid down the banister magically in less than 5 seconds, grabbed his parasol, and took Rufus’ arm. They left their Italian villa and started walking to the midnight show.
On their way to the concert, however, the encountered a UNIBROWED SPANISH VILLAIN!
IT WAS JUANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**This was written a few years lalu so there are a few out-of-date things, such as:
- Brandon wearing guyliner
- Rufus no longer re-enacts Judy Garland’s 1961 Carnegie Hall concert
- Sam’s Town moustache
- The fact that Joseph Stalin died several decades ago
Additionally, if anda read the link, anda would have noticed a story I haven’t included. (The one about Halloween and Brandon dressing up as a bottle of bleach)
I decided against publishing that particular story because Brandon’s mother is noted and I felt that under these circumstances, it was inappropriate. (Remember, it was written a few years ago)
And that story wasn’t all that funny anyway.
Hope anda liked this!