Tonight was opening night, for my violin solo on stage for my senior orchestra concert. We were all dressed in black dresses and black fancy shoes that made it hard to stand. The cellos were lucky to have chairs. I had to stand, especially since I was the one doing the solo. It was another classical piece sejak Beethoven, one of his hardest pieces actually, but I’m a CIT, an actress in disguise, and a wonderful violinist, I could pull this off after all!
Two girls were setting up their stands behind me in the saat row of violins, two freshmen, exchanging words to each other’s ears to hear. I couldn’t help myself but to overhear. “She was such a jalang, perempuan jalang on Total Drama Action,” complained one of the girls, she had curly dark red hair. “I know right?” Hissed the other freshmen, she had the badam, almond shaped hazel eyes.
“Did anda see her on Total Drama: World Tour?” Babbled the curly haired girl, rolling her eyes, “She totally didn’t deserve to win that tie breaker!” The other girl nodded her head, I wanted to jalang, perempuan jalang slap them so badly! How could they say that?!
I just sighed, and finished setting up my stand and organized my Muzik for the big night, here goes nothing…
A sudden flashback hit me right in the heart, “Hey Princess,” those words from that delinquent was so strong, and I almost gagged from the sight of his face in my mind. It’s not like I miss him, after what he did to me, why should I? But the real soalan was…
“Ladies and gentlemen, the orchestra konsert shall begin momentarily,” announced the instructor, “Approximately five minit sharp!” My huge deep brown eyes looked back at the clock stuck to the wall; I bet it wanted to leave just as much as I wanted to get out of the nightmare I was living.
Then another thought hit me like a bullet, “You promise you’ll be at my orchestra concert, right?” “Of course princess, as boring as it sounds, of course I’ll be there anyway.” Now, I’d rather him not to be here, but deep down inside, I desperately missed him, I wanted him to hold me in his arms and to never let go. I wanted him to be here, without that Goth girl freak! Would he remember? Would he even care? This made my hati, tengah-tengah race, and pound like a hammer nailing in a nail.
Oh god, I’m just giving myself a headache, but would he even come here? My eyes traced back to the hanging clock, I could hear it click each second. Those clicks became thuds inside my head; making my headache worse.
Finally it was time, the lights on the ceiling flashed across the stage, and we began to play like a hurricane, a good one that is. So far so good we were pleasing the crowd below our feet on stage, and we went through the pieces slowly but surely.
I hear the recognizable notes, I was about to play my solo. Another flashback slapped me across the face, “I’m going to check on him…” “You like him!” “I do not like him!” “Yes anda do!” “Not only do I not like him, I can’t stand him! He’s rude, he’s rebellious, and he’s totally annoying…….I’m gonna go check on him…”
I remember that time when he got stuck in there, all alone…I just need to focus, and who cares, right? There are lebih important things in this world besides him…
Once again, the memory played like a broken record player that wouldn’t shut up! “So the princess has a dark side.” “Ok, that was so gross…but it was like, once I did something bad, it was so much fun I just wanted more!” “Well anda could always give me that Ciuman that’d be pretty bad!” “You’re still not my type!” “Fine, enjoy a kacang, kacang tanah butter-less life.” “Thanks, enjoy prison.” “I will.” And to meterai it all off, there was the Ciuman of our lives.
I was beginning to sweat a little; anda know how black clothing can make anda warmer. I mean, it’s not like the memories have anything to do with it…
Another memory hit, “And how could anda think it was ok to just, leave like that?! Because it was not!!! Uhhg! Abandon me again and it will not be pretty, now, get over here anda big lug! I’m not really mad, I’m just missed you!” “Every time I ran from the cops, I thought of you.” Of course, Gwen was there but I didn’t even think about Duncan actually saying that Gwen and not me…
Memories hit like bowling balls to my stomach! I couldn’t take it! But yet again, I need to focus on my solo. Then I thought of the promise he made to go see my concert. I scanned the rows of people.
No green mohawked delinquent, I was shaking from it all. I felt my hati, tengah-tengah collapse and my whole world fall apart. But in a perpecahan, berpecah saat it was my time to bask in the spotlight of my solo. I was playing while all of this was crashing in my head, and there I was, playing so fast and violently letting my emotions control the violin on the solo.
I pressed so hard on the strings that I broke my bow in front of over a hundred people watching me. I dropped my violin, and just stood there, not a word come out of my mouth. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I just stood there, my head was spinning, and I just fell.
He was all I had; now I have nothing. And the worst thing is, it isn’t a dream, its real life. And he isn’t there to hold me anymore.