I went to katil early that night, curling up on his sofa again.
It was still dark when I woke. I was groggy , but I knew it wasn’t near morning yet. My eyes closed, and I stretched, rolling over. It took me a saat before I realized that the movement should have dumped me onto the floor. And that I was much too comfortable.
I rolled back over, trying to see. It was darker than last night—the clouds were to thick for the moon to shine through.
“Sorry,” he murmured so softly that his voice was part of the darkness, but I heard the tension underlying it. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I waited for the fury to boil up—I knew that this was the calm before the storm. The yellow sky before the tornado. Pretty soon the memory of everything would push its way forward, demanding not to be forgotten, and I would become angry, and so would he.
He waited for my response, body tense, bracing himself. Fury rolled up inside me, like a rip current, it was impossible to fight against. He was bracing himself, he who had caused all this anger in the first place. I decided to try to keep calm, keep my voice calm, not tunjuk him how incredibly angry I was. That would cause him confusion and pain—because he would not understand why I felt anger at him for keeping me from Jacob Black (or attempting to, I thought with a wry smile), and he would misinterpret it as real, pure Cinta (which I felt, in a brotherly sort of way, but of course he wouldn’t think of that kind of love) , and his jealousy and anger and hurt would flare up, causing us to get into an argument.
I rolled over to face him, preparing myself. I would do best in this battle if I was able to see his expressions, his weaknesses. Like Jasper, I thought of this as a battle, strategically, except this was not physical.
I sat a few minutes, taking a few deep breaths, working to make my voice come out calm. Finally I was able to let out “Edward, we should talk,” without screaming.
He was suspicious at the tone of my voice and my use of words, and I knew exactly where his thoughts were going.
“About what?” he asked, wary. Fury tried to overtake me, and I knew that if I did not keep my mouth shut that I would scream at him. I took lebih deep breaths, willing my voice to be calm before I answered.
“About anda having Alice babysit me,” I specified, maybe my voice was a bit too calm. Edward tensed, and I knew that he was thinking about a way to get out of this discussion. I wasn’t having that.
“I know why anda did it—because anda think Jacob won’t be able to control his temper. He can. He would never even think about hurting me,” I berkata honestly, realizing too late that there was a hole in my words—realizing just before he pointed it out, when I didn’t have time to patch it up before he could stick his finger in it and rip it into a bigger hole, until my carefully planned, weaved sentences were all just a few threads, having been ripped to shreds, unacceptable and unable to make him understand, leading him to an easy victory in this argument.
“He wouldn’t think of hurting you, Bella. That’s the point I’m trying to make. He could become so angry that he wouldn’t be able to control his actions—wouldn’t be able to stop himself, atau realize what he was doing before it had already happened. Before anda were already injured, perhaps seriously.” I knew he was going to tear my knitted cloth of reassurances apart, row sejak row, so I cut him off.
“So, whatever, did anda ever think that maybe anda could have asked me before anda go and have Alice take me on a sleepover I don’t even want to be at? The sleepover isn’t exactly why I’m mad—it wasn’t half bad, the Makanan was good—the reason I’m so mad is because one, anda think anda have to get Alice to babysit me every time you’re away, which shows anda don’t trust me, and two, that anda didn’t even bother to ask, which could give the impression that anda couldn’t be so bothered with my opinion, and that three, anda paid her off for it—bribed her!” I rushed out, that was probably a longer speech than he would’ve expected, but what did he expect? For me to be whistling happily, dancing around?
“Bella, anda would have berkata no. anda and I both know that, and Alice saw it when I briefly thought about asking you.” That was true, I could hardly argue fairly.
“And I do trust you, it’s just that the dog is unpredictable. Alice can’t see him, atau anda when anda are with him,” he pointed out. That was also true, not arguable.
“I am so bothered with your opinion, I didn’t ask because you’re so stubborn that you’d still try to drive a car without gas,” he laughed a bit, but I glared;this was hardly a laughing matter. Though that was also true. My knitted plan was being picked away.
“And the Porsche was a gift, not a bribe, I promised her I’d buy it for her, so technically, that isn’t bribing.” Also true. Fine. He wanted to make excuses that were acceptable because they were true, then fine. We’d fight api, kebakaran with just that—fire.
“Well, anda still could have at least asked, to tunjuk that anda cared. And don’t anda think I want to be at somewhere other than your house, with some people other than your family when you’re away?” I countered, smiling smugly when I saw that he was temporarily stumped. But I hadn’t won. No, not sejak a long shot had I won.
“You could always stay at your house with Alice, atau go out with Jessica atau Angela (as long as she accompanied you),” he fired knocking mine straight out the air like a bird in hunting season, smiling when he saw that I couldn’t come up with a counterattack for that. I had to look carefully, from every angle, before I answered.
“That’s the point. Alice is a nice, bubbly person, but I’d get tired of her eventually. Plus, I don’t think I’d like shopping every time you’re away, and getting makeovers constantly. It would be torturing,” I used an excuse that was believable because it was true.
“You could have another one of my family members, perhaps Emmett atau Rosalie atau Jasper,” he smiled, while I glared.
“No. I’m not going to hang out with your family all the time, every time you’re away, just because anda don’t like me seeing Jacob. Maybe I’ll just have to see him on my own. Charlie won’t mind. I guess I’ll just have to refuse your offers—and let it be known to Charlie that I did, wont I?” It wasn’t even a threat. I would do this, I was that stubborn I was a little unsure about it, though, I was not sure it was the best option. It would hurt Edward--and I would hate that. I would hate being selfish enough to hurt him, the only one who could be so endlessly selfless to me and not complain once, the only male who had ever showed me unconditional Cinta in lebih that a familial way besides . . . Jacob.
“I guess I’ll have to disable your car and leave anda without a choice, not even telling Charlie,” he shot back, but I knew that under his anger, he didn’t like to leave me without a choice. It was mean and selfish (would I ever stop being so?) but I used this as an advantage.
“I guess I’ll just have to walk there. anda know I don’t like to be left without a choice, Edward. And if I have to go to drastic measures, drastic measures are what I will go to,” I told him honestly. He glared, turning to stare up at the ceiling, angry. But there was something else in his expression, something besides anger . . .
“You’re jealous?!” I exclaimed when I realized what it was in his expression. His expression turned even sourer, if that were possible.
“You’re jealous?” I asked, shocked, lebih serious now. He ground his teeth and nodded slowly, still glaring at the ceiling.
“Why?” I asked, baffled. What did he have to be jealous of? We were inseperable-- we had been through almost everything, and our Cinta was a blow-your-mind, change-your-life-forever,- give-anything-to-make-you-happy kind, and he was jealous of me being with a friend?
“Because Bella, he can give anda so many things that I can’t. He can hold anda without freezing you, atau having to worry about crushing you. He can be close to you, smelling your scent, without feeling bloodlust. He can interact physically. He can have children with you, and anda wouldn’t have to change a thing to be happy with him! You’d both live happy lives, grow old, and die, like humans should. And even with the danger his phasing and temper poses, he’s ultimately better for you. Even if anda do Cinta me, in lebih that a brotherly sense as anda do him, I can’t help feeling jealous.” I was surprised. This was the longest speech Edward had ever telah diberi on the topic of Jacob without cutting himself off in disgust and anger.
“I want to be with anda Edward. It’s my decision. So stop being jealous. Even when he can give me those things, I Cinta you. So just stop, okay?” I heard an "awe"ing, maybe from Esme.
“Sure, I’ll try, if anda wish for me to. And thank anda for your reassurances. But still, I’m not sure I’ll let anda go near him too much.”
I sighed. This was the best answer I was going to get, I could tell. So maybe we’ll have to do this the hard way.