I had been drawing this out for much too long. Why had I stayed with her for so long? How could I not have seen this painful end coming? Of course it had to end, sometime. A lion couldn't Cinta a kambing, daging biri-biri without hurting her. I knew all of this, even before the other night, her birthday. It was even lebih evident as I stared into her dark Chocolate brown eyes, wide with confusion, worry, and pain.
"You . . . don't . . . want me?" she asked slowly. She was still uncomprehending.
I knew that what I was about to say seterusnya was only the beginning of the pain I'd have to suffer for doing this to her. "No."
We stared into each other's eyes. I waited to see if she would believe me. I doubted she would. How could she? I had told her a million times how much I loved her. How could she let one word destroy all of that, almost a year, together? I calmy waited, carefully keeping my face blank, not letting her see how much her answer meant to me.
"Well, that changes things," she said. Her voice sounded so calm...and reasonable, even. I looked into the trees to mask my shock. Bella. Reasonable. Why did she sound so reasonable? She was making this seem like no big deal at all; not as if I just told her that I didn't Cinta her, but as if I told her I was leaving on an overnight trip. I desperately wanted that to be the case. I wanted her to fight me! Try to make me change my mind. If she was convincing enough, maybe I'd stay...
No. She deserved better than a character out of a horror movie. Someone like Mike Newton, maybe. I nearly growled. I wasn't going to try to make her fight me. If she wanted to let me go so easily then fine.
But my mouth didn't listen to my thoughts.
"Of course, I'll always Cinta you...in a way." I told her, wishing she'd hear the truth behind my words and fight back. Fall on her knees and beg me to stay. Threaten me, maybe. Her pleas would be pathetic and unconvincing, but if she even showed the slightest hint of resistance, maybe I'd cave in and stay with her... "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change," I continued, almost begging her to read my mind for a change. "Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked back at her to see her reaction. She looked like she was getting it, finally. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that," I added.
"Don't," she pleaded in a whisper. "Don't do this." The horrified look in her eyes was almost too much to bear. I almost changed my mind and called the others, wherever they all were, to tell them to come back, that it was a false alarm and we could stay in Forks afterall. But I loved Bella too much to be with her, if that made any sense. I wanted what was best for her, and it obviously wasn't going to be me. So I berkata the one thing that would convince her to leave me.
"You're not good for me, Bella." No lebih wanting atau waiting for her to fight back. And she shouldn't feel the want to fight back, either. How many times had she told me the same thing, that she wasn't good for me? I watched in disgust as my words sunk in.
"If...that's what anda want."
I nodded once, not trusting my voice. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much to ask," I told her. She was standing there, her face blank like I'd seen in Alice's visions...and indecison flashed across my face for just a second. But Bella was strong. She wouldn't be like this for long. I was another story, however.
"Anything," she vowed, and I knew that she would keep this promise, because it was all she could give me.
"Don't do anything reckless atau stupid," I ordered her, hoping she heard me. "Do anda understand what I'm saying?" She nodded helplessly, like this was impossible. Maybe it was, for her. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," I said, hoping this would make her promise to me stronger. "He needs you. Take care of yourself--for him." For me, I wanted to add.
She nodded. "I will," she whispered. I knew she would keep the promise. I relaxed a little.
"And I'll make anda a promise in return," he said. "I promisse that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put anda through anything like this again. anda can go on with your life without any lebih interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." Her knees started shaking, and she grabbed onto a pokok for support. I smiled cruely at her pain. "Don't worry. You're human---your memory is no lebih than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."
"And your memories?" she asked.
"Well," I hesitated. "I won't forget. But my kind...we're very easily distracted." Lies, lies.
I started to step away from her. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother anda again." Something clicked in her brain; I could see that from her expression. "Alice isn't coming back," she berkata almost silently. I shook my head slowly, hating the pain that this caused her. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell anda goodbye," I told her. "Alice is gone?" She berkata in disbelief. Why couldn't she react this way when I told her I was leaving? Maybe she realized that this was the right thing for her, too. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you," I told her. She looked a little unsteady. I wanted to catch her...but I stopped myself. Before I could make myself stay, I spoke again. "Goodbye, Bella."
"Wait!" she reached towards me.
Ah, yes, now she faught. Typical Bella.
I pinned her arms down sejak her sides and kissed her forehead softly...our last kiss. "Take care of yourself," I breathed. Her eyes were closed. Very, very lightly I kissed her lips, so lightly that she couldn't feel it. Then I let go of her and ran.
I could hear her far behind me, stumbling through the leaves and almost tripping over stray branches. I ran faster so I couldn't hear her desperate attempts to follow me. Of course she would really fight once I was gone.
I made a wide arc around the woods, then stopped back at her house. I could hear her breathing somewhere deep in the forest, low to the ground. Had she fainted? It took every amount of self-control I had made in the past almost-century to not go and find her, to not hug her to me and assure her that everything was alright. I took a pen and some paper to leave a note for Charlie; Penulisan almost exactly as Bella did. Then I went up to her room and opened her CD player, took the CD out, and carefully ripped a floorboard from the floor. I placed the CD in the opening and then took the pictures out of the foto album and put those in the floor also. I couldn't do anything much about the descriptions. I put the floorboard back in place and pressed the nails back in with my thumb, leaving a couple loose. Maybe she would find them one day. Maybe not. I wasn't sure which I preferred.
Her closet was open and I glanced in it quickly, just out of habit. A dark blue baju, blaus caught my eye. It was the one she had worn that night in Port Angeles when we'd had makan malam, majlis makan malam so many months ago. The night she knew I was a vampire...
I couldn't resist stealing it off the hanger and stuffing it into my jaket pocket. I took another pantas, swift look around and jumped out her window.
Love, life, meaning...it was all over. I could still hear Bella panting on the ground a mile away.
