I wasn't the only one that got busted; Jordan and Rigby did as well. They threw me into the police car, seterusnya to them. They stared sullenly at the floor.
"You kids are in a lot of trouble," the cop berkata as he drove us to the station. Why did he have to even say that? We all knew it already. I closed my eyes, and tried not to think. Already, I was getting a splitting headache. I didn't want to think about what was happening, atau what was going to happen. I wonder what would happen if I asked the cop for my drugs back...
When we got to the station, they put us in a cell directly. They berkata we were to wait in here until our parents came. We sat there on the cold cell benches, and waited. Then Rigby started to cry. I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Oh man, guys! My dad's gonna be so pissed! He's gonna kill me!" he berkata through tears. "He's gonna beat my keldai when we get home!"
"Dude, I just hope my parents come," Jordan sighed. Rigby held his head in his hands and continued to cry for a while. I didn't know what to expect from Blair and James. I wouldn't say I was scared, just... anxious. A half jam later, Rigby's parents, along with Blair and James showed up.
"You are in so much trouble, Mister," Rigby's dad seethed as he grabbed his wrist. I didn't dare look up at Blair atau James. I just went to their sides, and stayed quiet. The adults talked with the cops for a while, and paid the bail. We were suspended from school for two weeks, and we were to be searched for drugs sejak the police once a week for the seterusnya two months. After they finished talking, James put a hand on my shoulder, and the three of us went home.
The car ride was silent. I still didn't look up at anyone. I couldn't. I was pretty sure I knew what they were thinking; they were disappointed in me.
When we got in the house, I started to my room, but James caught my wrist. I was forced to look at him. His eyes were soft, yet hurt. He frowned at me.
"Shelby, I want anda to stay down here." I almost didn't listen, but something told me I should probably just behave for now. I came back down the stairs, and sat on the living room couch. I could see Blair and James talking quietly in the dapur for a while, then they went upstairs. I curled up in a ball on the sofa, kerusi panjang and stared at the floor. Once my eyes flickered to the remote, but I wasn't sure if I should. It'd be nice to have some noise, but I wasn't sure it'd help my headache. So I just sat there, for an hour, doing nothing.
Blair came downstairs, with a small garbage bag in her hand, then went to the garaj to throw it away. When she came back, she sighed, put her hands on her hips, and looked at the clock. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot, and kept my gaze low.
"I need to go pick Sage and Kirsten up from school soon. anda wanna come?" she asked, like today was just a regular day. My arms constricted tighter around my knees, and I shook my head. Blair was quiet for a while, then left. I heard the mini van pull away from the garage. A little while later, James came down. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together once. I slowly looked to him when he sat down seterusnya to me on the couch.
"...I..." he sighed. "I'm... very sorry for what happened to you, Shelby. I'm sorry anda were feeling so bad that anda chose to do that to yourself. I hope that we can work to make it better. That's all we ever wanted for anda and your sisters."
"...Can I go up to my room now?" I asked quietly. He sighed, then nodded. I got up quickly and went to my room, throwing myself onto my bed. I stuffed my face with my pillow, trying to drown out the screaming in my head. I lifted my pillow, only to see my stash was gone. My hati, tengah-tengah lunged, and I looked under the bed. Again, gone. I looked in the "empty" shoe box on the shelf in my closet. Now it really was empty. I groaned and laid down on the ground, staring up at the ceiling fan.
What was I going to do? Already I was craving cocaine. A while later, my headache was so bad I wanted to scream. I got up off the floor and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my head. Was this what I'd have to deal with? Either this growing pain, atau die from the drugs like Carissa?
"Shelby?" Kirsten's voice came through the door. She walked slowly over to me, her face scared. Sage walked behind her, looking calm. "B-- Blair told us what happened..." she berkata softly. I didn't say anything. "...Why'd anda do that, Shelby?" she asked. "I mean, anda could've died! They berkata that's why they did the drug-search today; because a girl died from it!" I bit my tongue to keep from screaming at her. I didn't care! Right now, I wanted to die!
"Go away, Kirsten," I groaned, pulling the covers further over my head. She sighed, and then I heard her walk out the door. It scared me when I felt someone climb onto the bed, and curl up seterusnya to me.
"I kept my promise," Sage berkata quietly. "Even when I wanted to tell someone, I didn't. "
"Ok," I mumbled. She was quiet for a long time.
"Does that make anda happy?" she asked. I pulled the covers off and looked at her.
"What do anda mean?"
"You seem angry with me all the time. I was hoping this would make anda happy with me." I sighed, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
"Sage, I'm not angry with you." She cocked her head slightly and stared at me still with her big brown eyes. "Life just sucks, ok? That's why I'm angry all the time." She nodded, somewhat understanding.
"I still miss Mommy, Shelby..." she said, her voice cracking a tiny bit at the end.
"I know," I sighed. She curled up closer to me and closed her eyes. I sighed, and closed my eyes as well. Her small hands gripped my arm as she snuggled close to me. I fell asleep a few moments later.
"Shelby! I'm gonna kill you!" I jolted awake to see Paige running at me. She jumped on the katil and punched my arm.
"Ow! Hey!" I pushed her away.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she shouted at me. "Why the hell would anda do something so stupid!?"
"Don't swear.." Sage berkata quietly, rubbing her eyes.
"You just don't get it!" I shouted at Paige. She groaned.
"I can't believe you'd be so stupid! anda could've died! anda were killing yourself! Don't anda know that?!" Before I could shout "yes" at her, Blair and James came into the room.
"Girls! Calm down!" Blair said, a little annoyed. Jori walked in behind her, her eyes big.
"Shelby?" she asked quietly. "...Why?" I groaned and sat back down on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone! Was that so much to ask?! I cried into my hands, in front of everyone. They were all quiet, as I sobbed.
"Come on, girls," James berkata quietly. "Just give her some angkasa for now..." I thought all of them left, but then someone took a kerusi, tempat duduk seterusnya to me, and put their arm around my shoulers.
"It'll be ok," Blair berkata softly. I turned and wrapped my arms around her neck, and cried.
"You kids are in a lot of trouble," the cop berkata as he drove us to the station. Why did he have to even say that? We all knew it already. I closed my eyes, and tried not to think. Already, I was getting a splitting headache. I didn't want to think about what was happening, atau what was going to happen. I wonder what would happen if I asked the cop for my drugs back...
When we got to the station, they put us in a cell directly. They berkata we were to wait in here until our parents came. We sat there on the cold cell benches, and waited. Then Rigby started to cry. I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Oh man, guys! My dad's gonna be so pissed! He's gonna kill me!" he berkata through tears. "He's gonna beat my keldai when we get home!"
"Dude, I just hope my parents come," Jordan sighed. Rigby held his head in his hands and continued to cry for a while. I didn't know what to expect from Blair and James. I wouldn't say I was scared, just... anxious. A half jam later, Rigby's parents, along with Blair and James showed up.
"You are in so much trouble, Mister," Rigby's dad seethed as he grabbed his wrist. I didn't dare look up at Blair atau James. I just went to their sides, and stayed quiet. The adults talked with the cops for a while, and paid the bail. We were suspended from school for two weeks, and we were to be searched for drugs sejak the police once a week for the seterusnya two months. After they finished talking, James put a hand on my shoulder, and the three of us went home.
The car ride was silent. I still didn't look up at anyone. I couldn't. I was pretty sure I knew what they were thinking; they were disappointed in me.
When we got in the house, I started to my room, but James caught my wrist. I was forced to look at him. His eyes were soft, yet hurt. He frowned at me.
"Shelby, I want anda to stay down here." I almost didn't listen, but something told me I should probably just behave for now. I came back down the stairs, and sat on the living room couch. I could see Blair and James talking quietly in the dapur for a while, then they went upstairs. I curled up in a ball on the sofa, kerusi panjang and stared at the floor. Once my eyes flickered to the remote, but I wasn't sure if I should. It'd be nice to have some noise, but I wasn't sure it'd help my headache. So I just sat there, for an hour, doing nothing.
Blair came downstairs, with a small garbage bag in her hand, then went to the garaj to throw it away. When she came back, she sighed, put her hands on her hips, and looked at the clock. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot, and kept my gaze low.
"I need to go pick Sage and Kirsten up from school soon. anda wanna come?" she asked, like today was just a regular day. My arms constricted tighter around my knees, and I shook my head. Blair was quiet for a while, then left. I heard the mini van pull away from the garage. A little while later, James came down. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together once. I slowly looked to him when he sat down seterusnya to me on the couch.
"...I..." he sighed. "I'm... very sorry for what happened to you, Shelby. I'm sorry anda were feeling so bad that anda chose to do that to yourself. I hope that we can work to make it better. That's all we ever wanted for anda and your sisters."
"...Can I go up to my room now?" I asked quietly. He sighed, then nodded. I got up quickly and went to my room, throwing myself onto my bed. I stuffed my face with my pillow, trying to drown out the screaming in my head. I lifted my pillow, only to see my stash was gone. My hati, tengah-tengah lunged, and I looked under the bed. Again, gone. I looked in the "empty" shoe box on the shelf in my closet. Now it really was empty. I groaned and laid down on the ground, staring up at the ceiling fan.
What was I going to do? Already I was craving cocaine. A while later, my headache was so bad I wanted to scream. I got up off the floor and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over my head. Was this what I'd have to deal with? Either this growing pain, atau die from the drugs like Carissa?
"Shelby?" Kirsten's voice came through the door. She walked slowly over to me, her face scared. Sage walked behind her, looking calm. "B-- Blair told us what happened..." she berkata softly. I didn't say anything. "...Why'd anda do that, Shelby?" she asked. "I mean, anda could've died! They berkata that's why they did the drug-search today; because a girl died from it!" I bit my tongue to keep from screaming at her. I didn't care! Right now, I wanted to die!
"Go away, Kirsten," I groaned, pulling the covers further over my head. She sighed, and then I heard her walk out the door. It scared me when I felt someone climb onto the bed, and curl up seterusnya to me.
"I kept my promise," Sage berkata quietly. "Even when I wanted to tell someone, I didn't. "
"Ok," I mumbled. She was quiet for a long time.
"Does that make anda happy?" she asked. I pulled the covers off and looked at her.
"What do anda mean?"
"You seem angry with me all the time. I was hoping this would make anda happy with me." I sighed, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
"Sage, I'm not angry with you." She cocked her head slightly and stared at me still with her big brown eyes. "Life just sucks, ok? That's why I'm angry all the time." She nodded, somewhat understanding.
"I still miss Mommy, Shelby..." she said, her voice cracking a tiny bit at the end.
"I know," I sighed. She curled up closer to me and closed her eyes. I sighed, and closed my eyes as well. Her small hands gripped my arm as she snuggled close to me. I fell asleep a few moments later.
"Shelby! I'm gonna kill you!" I jolted awake to see Paige running at me. She jumped on the katil and punched my arm.
"Ow! Hey!" I pushed her away.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she shouted at me. "Why the hell would anda do something so stupid!?"
"Don't swear.." Sage berkata quietly, rubbing her eyes.
"You just don't get it!" I shouted at Paige. She groaned.
"I can't believe you'd be so stupid! anda could've died! anda were killing yourself! Don't anda know that?!" Before I could shout "yes" at her, Blair and James came into the room.
"Girls! Calm down!" Blair said, a little annoyed. Jori walked in behind her, her eyes big.
"Shelby?" she asked quietly. "...Why?" I groaned and sat back down on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone! Was that so much to ask?! I cried into my hands, in front of everyone. They were all quiet, as I sobbed.
"Come on, girls," James berkata quietly. "Just give her some angkasa for now..." I thought all of them left, but then someone took a kerusi, tempat duduk seterusnya to me, and put their arm around my shoulers.
"It'll be ok," Blair berkata softly. I turned and wrapped my arms around her neck, and cried.
All this pain just inside...I cannot let it go.... It hurts so bad...Seeing the one anda Cinta in the arms of another.... Each night I cry myself to sleep,just hopeing the seterusnya hari will be even beter...But these words always run through my mind..."You're going to die alone".. It repetes and repetes...Pain ... Oh how it hurts so... But what makes it worse...That someone that's with the one my Cinta ...is my rival....Time has stopped to anda as your tears run down slowly on my cheek.... I've Lost almost everyone in my life... It's even scary just trying to be myself....They say if anda keep your feelings jared up...you'll snap... That's haven't happened to me yet... And hope it will never will. Don't keep your feelings jared up... atau one hari you'll snap
"Now who's gonna take care of Mike!" Jane screamed at the bahagian, atas of her voice. "Now how am I suppose to marry Dave! Now how am I suppose to become an archaeologist!" "Mike, marriage, archaeology?!" I said, confused. "Oh, I can't explain now! I just wish I listened to David." She sighed. "Don't beat yourself up. David has the gift, anda can still talk to him." She forced a smile. "Gift?" Dave whispered as he entered the room. "More like a curse." "David, i'm so sorry I didn't listen! But I just never thought-" "Save it." He butted in. "Everyone I've ever loved ends up dead. I should have seen it coming." "But anda did! anda tried to save my life and I was to stupid and selfish to care." "Janet." He sighed. "I don't think I can talk to anda anymore. Never again." She stared at him, her face appalled. "What are anda saying?!" "I'm saying seeing you, like this, it just, it just breaks my heart."
I loved to write songs. These beautiful poems of love, heartbreak, life and misery. I still do. Shame they'll never reach the world as I hoped.
But, life is life and death is well, death. I wish I could still play with Eyes Of The Wolf, my old band. I remember the lullaby I wrote for Jannet when she had nightmares.
'Prr, Prr
Of the Cat on the mat so peaceful
Cheep, Cheep
Of the Bird in the garden so alive
Neigh, Neigh
Of the Horse on the racecourse so pantas, swift
Woof, Woof
Of the Pup in the tulips so playful
But now please my dear Jannet rest
So tomorrow anda take life's seterusnya test'
I still sing it to her every night. But she can't hear me now. Maybe i'm just not Singing loud enough. Sometimes she hears me sing a few lines. I know because sometimes when I sing she'll start crying. I don't know why. Maybe she misses me. atau maybe I scare her. I don't know. The world is a very strange place
But, life is life and death is well, death. I wish I could still play with Eyes Of The Wolf, my old band. I remember the lullaby I wrote for Jannet when she had nightmares.
'Prr, Prr
Of the Cat on the mat so peaceful
Cheep, Cheep
Of the Bird in the garden so alive
Neigh, Neigh
Of the Horse on the racecourse so pantas, swift
Woof, Woof
Of the Pup in the tulips so playful
But now please my dear Jannet rest
So tomorrow anda take life's seterusnya test'
I still sing it to her every night. But she can't hear me now. Maybe i'm just not Singing loud enough. Sometimes she hears me sing a few lines. I know because sometimes when I sing she'll start crying. I don't know why. Maybe she misses me. atau maybe I scare her. I don't know. The world is a very strange place
This is a song inspired sejak Anastasia's Once Upon a December. Also, it's the main song for my novel-in-progress, Imaginary. It's a song in which one of the main characters sings to cheer her up when she's scared. And once I finally get the story telah diposkan here, you'll actually see the depth and power and horror of the song.
Written sejak a friend of mine from school.
Midnight settles, darkness falls
Close your eyes and remember
Fallen Bidadari always sing
Once upon a December
Blood is flowing and it's warm,
Life's nightmares are like a storm
Demons dancing gracefully
across my memory
Broken Rama-rama with torn wings
The pain they will always remember
Fallen angels, I hear them sing
Once upon a December.
Written sejak a friend of mine from school.
Midnight settles, darkness falls
Close your eyes and remember
Fallen Bidadari always sing
Once upon a December
Blood is flowing and it's warm,
Life's nightmares are like a storm
Demons dancing gracefully
across my memory
Broken Rama-rama with torn wings
The pain they will always remember
Fallen angels, I hear them sing
Once upon a December.
Scraping at the boughs,
Unknowns becomeths known,
Where shards break across my skin as my mind is shredded into nothing.
How did I get here?
How did I become this?
How do I get out?
Trapped inside a thousand mirrors,
Seeing so many façades,
Which one is me?
Carved up and bleeding,
Happy unconscious,
Pepped up to go?
Nails scratch into my brain,
As I pick apart memories,
For a clue.
An inkling.
An idea.
Lost!
I’m so lost!
Where do I fit in anymore?
Who am I?
And how did I wind up here?
Unknowns becomeths known,
Where shards break across my skin as my mind is shredded into nothing.
How did I get here?
How did I become this?
How do I get out?
Trapped inside a thousand mirrors,
Seeing so many façades,
Which one is me?
Carved up and bleeding,
Happy unconscious,
Pepped up to go?
Nails scratch into my brain,
As I pick apart memories,
For a clue.
An inkling.
An idea.
Lost!
I’m so lost!
Where do I fit in anymore?
Who am I?
And how did I wind up here?
I slammed the car door shut, and faced the school.
"Have a good hari sweetie," Mom said, somewhat hopefully from the drivers seat. Just the words made me want to ball up and cry. She drove away, leaving me in the dust. I would not survive this day.
Not that I deserve to.
I clutched my buku to my chest, and tried to keep my eyes fixed on the ground. But I still felt their eyes on me.
"Bitch," they muttered.
"She deserves to die," others said. Didn't they know I want to? Didn't they know how much strength it took to keep breathing? And when I did, it was the everlasting pain that nearly brought me to my death. But I could only hope.
But they didn't know this. They just knew it was my fault. And it was. It was all my fault for what had happened.
And I'd live with this guilt till I die.
*****************************
Please let me know if I should continue this; I don't know if I should.
"Have a good hari sweetie," Mom said, somewhat hopefully from the drivers seat. Just the words made me want to ball up and cry. She drove away, leaving me in the dust. I would not survive this day.
Not that I deserve to.
I clutched my buku to my chest, and tried to keep my eyes fixed on the ground. But I still felt their eyes on me.
"Bitch," they muttered.
"She deserves to die," others said. Didn't they know I want to? Didn't they know how much strength it took to keep breathing? And when I did, it was the everlasting pain that nearly brought me to my death. But I could only hope.
But they didn't know this. They just knew it was my fault. And it was. It was all my fault for what had happened.
And I'd live with this guilt till I die.
*****************************
Please let me know if I should continue this; I don't know if I should.