Alone. All cold, cold as snow in December's winter embrace. What have I become in life? I let the others push me, let poverty and unhappiness take over, and let me live a short, tragic life. Did I long to be miserable and unhappy like Poe so I could become a great writer? Did I read The Little Match Girl too much at age five atau six to the point where I became her? Am I an attention seeker because my parents never gave a damn about me? I could have been anything, anything I wanted. I was a great writer, fantastic artist, had a perfect boyfriend for me, but I just threw it all away. If I could, I swear I could just go back in time right now and just tell my little six tahun old girl self to become the greatest that she could be. The tears rolling down my face felt cold and icy. The cold reminded me of the Cinta my mother gave me. Cold and uncared for. I could of ran away and joined a group of hippies and be happy. I could have lived an artistic 1960's lifestyle with my beautiful husband and angelic looking children, with a lot of money and slight fame. No. I chose making myself suffer, just so others won't take me down. I thought if I could make myself suffer, no one else would bring me down atau take me down. It was a wrong choice in life. I lie in the snow, and people are either scared shitless of what might happen to me, atau else just walk sejak and don't care. I'm freezing, but I don't care.
As the agonizing hours go by, I find myself not in reality. I hear slight voices from the outside, but I can't awaken. Yet, I don't wanna wake up just yet. I want to stay and see what my imagination shows. What I see here is so much colorful and much prettier than the other universe that has destroyed me. I felt like I was in the movie Howl's Moving Castle, where Howl and Sofie are in his secret garden. It looked exactly like that. Acres and acres of the softest, greenest grass, with Bunga of many kinds and Warna popping up, so full of life. Few trees are around that bare Buah upon their leaves for food, and beautiful crystal blue water ahead so fresh and welcoming. The sky was at it's bluest, and the clouds never looked so fluffy and white before. Also, a beautiful, attractive man came before me. He had dark wavy shoulder length black hair that looked messy, but was as soft and smooth as silk. He had a very sexy muscular tone, but it wasn't pro wrestler muscular, it was lebih of a healthy muscular that was attractive and not disgusting atau too much. He had the most gorgeous hypnotizing amber eyes that I got Lost in. He had beautiful bold lips that even a woman with lips would be jealous of, and they looked so soft, healthy and kissable. He had a slight tan and smooth skin, and the most gorgeous smile that I've ever seen on a man. He loved me. He whispered in my ear,"I've been waiting for you, my love." He kissed me passionately, and I was definitely correct about his lips being kissable. Is this my life? Am I supposed to live in this fantasy? From there on, I didn't care if I woke up atau not. I was just happy that I never have to have anyone hate me, have to work on the streets to get Makanan atau money, have to have parents that never cared for me, atau live in the agony.
I never knew if I lived atau died. I never knew if I ever woke up ever again. I never knew if my hati, tengah-tengah ever stopped beating. In my world, it never did. I had children, a great life and husband in this beautiful perfect world in my mind. Maybe this is my life, to live inside of my mind. I sound insane, but I don't care anymore. I won't freeze anymore, atau suffer anymore. For the first time in years, I feel loved and needed. I Cinta this feeling. We never aged, we never really hurt, we just felt happiness and love.
I maybe crazy, but at least I don't have the life I lived. I maybe sad, but I'm happy now. I maybe just be a body lying in a hospital katil but I'm alive in my mind. The best part of all? I don't have to freeze to death to find escape atau peace of mind. I can do whatever because I can control this now.
I woke two years later. Something inside of me changed, as if I became a monster atau something. Something inside of me died. It was my happiness. It just died. I walked around saying,"Put me back! Put me back! Please! I don't want to wake! Please put me back!" The last thing I remember before blacking out is seeing a little girl that looked like my daughter from my world, and a sharp pain in my arm. Now, I have something making me sleepy, but it isn't myself. I have something wrapped tight around me, but it isn't my husband atau one of my children. I live in a secure place, but it isn't beautiful and colorful like in my mind. I heard noises from the outside, but it wasn't birds atau waves, it was screams from other women. I had something made me feel whole and wonderful, but it was taken away from me. I now close my eyes, hoping to go back home.
As the agonizing hours go by, I find myself not in reality. I hear slight voices from the outside, but I can't awaken. Yet, I don't wanna wake up just yet. I want to stay and see what my imagination shows. What I see here is so much colorful and much prettier than the other universe that has destroyed me. I felt like I was in the movie Howl's Moving Castle, where Howl and Sofie are in his secret garden. It looked exactly like that. Acres and acres of the softest, greenest grass, with Bunga of many kinds and Warna popping up, so full of life. Few trees are around that bare Buah upon their leaves for food, and beautiful crystal blue water ahead so fresh and welcoming. The sky was at it's bluest, and the clouds never looked so fluffy and white before. Also, a beautiful, attractive man came before me. He had dark wavy shoulder length black hair that looked messy, but was as soft and smooth as silk. He had a very sexy muscular tone, but it wasn't pro wrestler muscular, it was lebih of a healthy muscular that was attractive and not disgusting atau too much. He had the most gorgeous hypnotizing amber eyes that I got Lost in. He had beautiful bold lips that even a woman with lips would be jealous of, and they looked so soft, healthy and kissable. He had a slight tan and smooth skin, and the most gorgeous smile that I've ever seen on a man. He loved me. He whispered in my ear,"I've been waiting for you, my love." He kissed me passionately, and I was definitely correct about his lips being kissable. Is this my life? Am I supposed to live in this fantasy? From there on, I didn't care if I woke up atau not. I was just happy that I never have to have anyone hate me, have to work on the streets to get Makanan atau money, have to have parents that never cared for me, atau live in the agony.
I never knew if I lived atau died. I never knew if I ever woke up ever again. I never knew if my hati, tengah-tengah ever stopped beating. In my world, it never did. I had children, a great life and husband in this beautiful perfect world in my mind. Maybe this is my life, to live inside of my mind. I sound insane, but I don't care anymore. I won't freeze anymore, atau suffer anymore. For the first time in years, I feel loved and needed. I Cinta this feeling. We never aged, we never really hurt, we just felt happiness and love.
I maybe crazy, but at least I don't have the life I lived. I maybe sad, but I'm happy now. I maybe just be a body lying in a hospital katil but I'm alive in my mind. The best part of all? I don't have to freeze to death to find escape atau peace of mind. I can do whatever because I can control this now.
I woke two years later. Something inside of me changed, as if I became a monster atau something. Something inside of me died. It was my happiness. It just died. I walked around saying,"Put me back! Put me back! Please! I don't want to wake! Please put me back!" The last thing I remember before blacking out is seeing a little girl that looked like my daughter from my world, and a sharp pain in my arm. Now, I have something making me sleepy, but it isn't myself. I have something wrapped tight around me, but it isn't my husband atau one of my children. I live in a secure place, but it isn't beautiful and colorful like in my mind. I heard noises from the outside, but it wasn't birds atau waves, it was screams from other women. I had something made me feel whole and wonderful, but it was taken away from me. I now close my eyes, hoping to go back home.