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Is this a good beginning to a book?

I'm doing this from out of boredom, and I'm wondering if it sounds any good. No, it'snot just 1 chapter, it's apart of a chapter.




My hati, tengah-tengah was racing faster than it ever had. My feet couldn't keep up with it's pace. Soreness ran through my legs, begging me to stop and die. But I couldn't. Throbbing, my head lurches in front of my whole body as I almost stumble towards the ground, twisting my foot and running again. The tears falling from my eyes remind me of the dryness in my throat. I try taking deep breaths as I make stuttering noises. Branches hot my legs, smacking my face and watching me from behind and up front. Taking a risk right now isn't going to be easy, and I might be risking my soul, my fate, my destiny, but I didn't have a chance. I threw myself into the river as my right leg scraped itself against a rock. When I came back up a bloody scream came from my mouth. Salt tears filled the freshwater river. I climbed up to land and tried to calm myself down, but the pain from my leg lurched into my side, releasing red blood that had once still been inside of me. I looked up and saw nothing, as something was once behind me. I grabbed a tree, trying to retain balance. My struggling was louder than any noise that came out of my mouth, once again,wet, from the fresh water I had accidentally let seep in through the crack of my teeth. My long, black hair hung over my face and shoulders, reminding me of what a ugly hair color I had. The throbbing in my head reminded me of what great pain I had encountered when I thought I could climb a tree, but had fallen not even half way up. Picking up a big stick, I limped on home, awaiting the comfort the warmth had always greeted me when I got back. I looked over my shoulder and saw only fog,and a trail of my red blood, following me all the way back home.
 CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
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Rawak Jawapan

ErnieHannah333 said:
Yeah, I'd say that's pretty good. It gets my attention and I'd like to see what happens next.
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posted hampir setahun yang lalu 
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thanks :)
CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
Elle-C said:
Without a moments hesitation I say, yes, you've penned a beyond good, deliciously descriptive beginning, love!

Your story is so solidly and immediately entertaining...I was actually startled sejak how quicky I was drawn in. I was honestly fully engaged sejak the saat sentence! I kept wondering whether the narrator was in pursuit of something, atau if something was pursuing the narrator.

I truly enjoyed this small, but sensational sample of your writing. In fact, I'm very eager for the seterusnya installment. My only complaint is that anda haven't let me know where I may continue reading!

Well done winsome writer...well done. ❤
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posted hampir setahun yang lalu 
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Thank you. These type of komen-komen help me a lot with having the courage to go on.
CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
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Hello, again. My story will be progressing through out the month. I can message anda with new chapters if anda would like.
CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
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You're most welcome! Please do continue...and please let me know when new chapters become available! :o)
Elle-C posted hampir setahun yang lalu
darange said:
its really detailed and If it were a published story i would definitely read more
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posted hampir setahun yang lalu 
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I'm going to try to write a whole book ^^ Thank anda
CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
Book-Freak said:
I think it is good, and has potential to be excellent. I would really like to know what happens next. However, do anda mind if I post some criticism? (I'll add a komen atau send a private message, up to anda :])
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posted hampir setahun yang lalu 
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That's fine.
CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
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Message is okay.
CrystalNeons posted hampir setahun yang lalu
raraboom said:
it's a very good start,i like it,(maybe i should make a book too)
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posted hampir setahun yang lalu 
laura199627 said:
Yeah, It has suspense and mystery and it sounds interesting.
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posted hampir setahun yang lalu 
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