I'm a mental mess sometimes...

I have a similar problem. :(

Recently, I think I've fallen in Cinta with one of my friends. The only thing is, she's a girl. I always knew I was sorta bi, but it really hit me when I realised I was in Cinta with her. I always Cinta having little conversations with her about various Korean idols, and even if our other conversations are about absolutely nothing, I still cherish them. Everything she says makes me smile like a conplete idiot, it's almost too much to handle. Thankfully, she has a blog and today I sent her an anonymous message telling her how much I loved her and how I never wanted her to change.

But she'll never know it's me, because I don't think I can find the courage to tell her even though she means the absolute world to me.

I have years of bullying still with me (about 7 years ) I have Lost my grandfather who was my best friend and I loved him soo much. A few members of my family have gone missing,my aunt whent insain. My dad left me and my mom didn't even know my birthday atau how old I am and never calls. No one whants to hang with me at school and when I did hang with someone people were teaseing us has a couple but we are not a couple. I fell for my best friend who lives a long ways from me and I barley ever get to see him. all my Friends moved away I never see them anymore. I have high self esteem issues I think im fat cause everyone in my class is under 100lbs while im 123 and im the only on in my school who has acne. I got called gross for being bi-sexual . About 10 family members have died in my life time . I saw my cat die in front of me. I am not very good in school so my grades suck and I feel stupid. My mom yells at me when im depressed cause she thinks I am fine. My very best friend tried to commit suicide several times. All I hear from her is how depressed she is. My other so called friend makes fun of my depression sometimes. I can barley sleep at night anymore my mind wont shut up I do have mayjor depression my doctor told me so. I got called to the park once thinking I could make Friends that haven't moved away and all I got was your a fat whore ,bitchè, your stupid useless etc.. and once guy in my class berkata I should die.......

Man, that sounds terrible. I honestly hope things get better for you.

As for my own problems, I’ve been meaning to vent about this for quite a while, though the only site I really could is Tumblr, which the people I’m talking about could easily see, so I never really had a chance to say this. But they don’t have accounts here, and hardly even know what Fanpop is in the first place, so here we go. I’m not using their names, though if anda know my Friends and I, it’s probably extremely obvious who I’m talking about. But whatever, not using names anyway.

So I have this little group of friends. There are five of us and we’re all extremely close. This this revolves around three of us. Me, of course, and let’s call the others Person 1 and Person 2. I’d say we’re the closest three out of the group. Most of the time when we do Skype calls, it’s the three of us. Anyway, back in, say, late July atau early August, I realized I had a lot of feelings for Person 1. They had probably developed over time, atau maybe overnight, I honestly don’t know. But they were a hell of a lot lebih than just friendship. My Friends found out that I had a crush on someone, but they didn’t know who, of course. Turns out, Person 1 also had a crush at the time. The rest of our Friends kept bombarding both of us with soalan about who it was and taking guesses. One day, I was in a Skype call with Person 1 and Person 2, like we did all the time during the summer. Person 2 is one of those people who is very perceptive sometimes and can definitely guilt trip atau threaten anda into giving things away. Not in the “bad person” way atau anything, we’re all just the type of Friends who are total assholes to each other and have fun with it. But anyway, Person 2 would just slip in soalan about who we had crushes on. It turned into a full-on interrogation. Not only am I a terrible liar, but I also just don’t like lying and I’m bad at avoiding questions, so naturally, she got a lot out of me. Same with Person 1. And somehow, as much as I tried to avoid it, she narrowed down the possible people. Both Person 1 and I had crushes on someone else of the group of us three. This honestly gave me hope. Looking back it was extremely stupid of me to become so optimistic, but hey, I couldn’t help it. There was a huge chance the person I liked could return my feelings. I was still too scared to ask her, though, so I just daydreamed about a possible relationship like a loser and never did anything about it. I honestly, truly thought that this would work out in my favor. Even Person 2 would constantly make komen-komen like “Oh, just admit your Cinta for each other and get together!” Eventually, Person 2 found out about my crush on Person 1. She knew, and thought it was adorable, saying she’d try to set Person 1 up with me. So one hari at school, I had finally worked up the courage to ask her out. I would do it as soon as I got home. (finished in comments)

I myself am a mental mess when it comes, too…school. Math is my favourite subject, it makes me stress. I don't like school, I hate school. I also have trouble when it comes to my crush, whenever he talks, I blush. U_U

Everything makes me feel like a mental mess because of the fact that I am a mental mess, no matter how many meds I take. I'm schizoaffective, which isn't something I admit to a lot of people, but since we're having honesty jam here, I might as well, right?