Cinta problem

I donno if u call tis a crush/luv/infactuation but ya I am in luv wid ma cousin(n yeah it is legal to get married to ur cousin in my community so tats not a prob at al)….am 21 n he is 22….
I donno wen did it start…I just remem tat 4yrs back after a long wait I did proceed to propose him….at tat time I din know how to proceed n yeah I wasn’t even sure if I am really in luv wid him so I logged wid a fake name n talked wid him for a few days….i felt lik I grew even lebih closer to him…even he was lyk I mean he did lyk talking to me...everythin was goin on fine but something was poking me deep inside for keeping my identity under wraps so finally I told him online tat I was his own cousin..he was shocked at once n came straight away to my house (we r actually neighbours frm past 13yrs)… his presence frightened me….but he din speak a wrd abt d matter…n even I kept mum…n d following months was a shear silence between us…then he left d city for a job…he used to ask for me n talk to me on fone….d causual talk….i knew he wasn’t interested in me but I was not able to forget him…..once in a while wen there was peek frustration abt tis I used to either type in a long mail atau sms him sayin “I know it’s a no but why cant u just say it out….coz am not able to deal wid ur silence”…many times its was a no reply act frm him even if he did reply he used to answer to all issues but nvr berkata yes/no….
Then at his work place he fell in luv wid his collegue n I just backed off…it was hard but no other go… later he broke up wid her n she got married to someone else….d whole of tis galfrnd issue…only I knew abt it in d family(he din tell me…I accidentally came to knw abt it)….but I was like I din want to disturb him atau hurt him lebih so I just kept to myself……….he got trasfed back to our place…al was fine until one hari on wich I had to travel wid him to my coll….we both hardly speak to each other frm d start…so it was a si