What do anda guys think of my story "Fanged Kingdom"?

It seems rather rushed as if anda are glossing over a lot of details that could be expanded on A LOT to make a lebih intriguing story that draws anda in.

A lot of the scene could have better been done written out rather than summarized like the whole "The parents couple" to "their own" and even a fair amount before that.

Also anda would probably like to avoid using words like "things" and preferably use lebih detailed words like "skills".

And I didnt read the saat chapter, but I skimmed it and just one thing I need to point out

When anda have dialogue anda need to create a new paragraph any new person speaks. Making it looks like:

"What are anda doing?" Bill asked.

"I am doing well." Joe responded.

"Do anda like pizza?" Bill asked.

"Why do anda keep asking me questions?" Joe responded

Of course with better words than "responded" and "asked" but I wasnt really trying with the writing.

keseluruhan in general it sounds nice, a bit generic when compared to the RPs Ive been part it, but it seems to be pretty nice. If anda want tips though, the things I listed above should help but in general, anda are probably going to want to expand your Penulisan and be lebih descriptive.

It's a good story IMO. Btw, don't use "https." Just use "http."