Credit: I found these online, and they made me smile. As anda can see, I clearly didn’t make them up. Thought of course, If I had, I wouldn’t be claiming they were someone elses…Never mind..

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
-A. Whitney Brown

When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.
- Stephen Wright.

Did anda ever walk in a room and forget why anda walked in? I think that’s how Anjing spend their lives.
–Sue Murphy

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ‘Whoa, I’m way too high!’
-Bruce Baum

anda have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a hari when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I’m not mad.- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.
- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say anda cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
- Yogi Berra

He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed.
- Robert Gronock.

Question: If anda could live forever, would anda and why?

Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Contrary to popular belief, “Damn It” is not God’s last name.
(Construction wall, Philadelphia, 1969)

Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they’ll use all their fingers.
- Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.

Sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug.
- Mark Knopfler.

America is the country where anda can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.
- Barrymore.

Why do they call it rush jam when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
- Dick Cavett

If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
- Dan Quayle

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields.