5 MONTHS SINCE ZAYN MALIK LEFT 1D: 101 THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WE'VE HAD IN THAT TIME 

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It\'s 5 months since Zayn Malik quit One Direction. 5 months since

devastating statement. 5 months since \'normal\' and \'22 year old\' were transformed from simple words in to linguistic daggers that still pierce our hearts every time we hear them. 5 months days since 5/5 became a thing of the past. A bit of history. A legend of our time.

Sometimes those 5 months feel like a lifetime. Sometimes the day he left seems like just yesterday. As fresh and and painful as the sharp sting of a grazed knee, or squirt of lemon in the eyeball.

No, we\'re not crying. It\'s the lemon. IT\'S THE LEMON.

Anyway, before things get a bit too weird and we embark on some sort of epic Zayn based soliloquy that lasts 3 hours and uses some really dodgy metaphors, here\'s 100 thoughts and feelings we\'ve experienced in the #5monthswithoutZayn.

2. That was mean, we\'re sorry. You\'re not a demon. You\'re an angel.

5. Perhaps we\'ve entered the \'anger\' stage of the grieving process.

6. It\'s just that we never wanted this to end, Zayn. Realistically we understand that nothing lasts forever, we do. But would one more album have killed you, Zayn? WOULD IT?

12. What\'s this track Naughty Boy\'s just tweeted, Zayn?

15. Sweet Jesu that voice though - it\'s like a silk clad Adonis is pouring waves of melted chocolate into our eardrums. It is.

16. But it\'s TOO SOON, Zayn. Can\'t you see we\'re still bleeding? Can\'t you see we still need time to heal?

17. Also yeah totally not on board with this whole #Zaughty thing.

19. If it ain\'t Zouis, Zarry, Ziall or Ziam we don\'t wanna know, pal.

20. Look you just caught us at a bad time, OK? We were literally in the middle of watching fetus 5/5 vids, we\'re in a very sensitive place right now.

21. It\'s not that we don\'t want solo music from you eventually, Zayn. It\'s not. Just not right now. Just not while the sentence \'normal 22 year old\' is still ricocheting around our brains.

23. That statement, it\'s cold. It doesn\'t count. It\'s impersonal. It doesn\'t explain.

24. Are we to blame, Zayn? Are we all to blame? We only ever wanted you to be happy. Are you happy?

26. Sorry, still flashing back to that anger stage, occasionally.

27. A day at a time, a day at a time, we just need to take it a day at a time.

28. But do you remember when he got that badger quiff though?

29. Do you remember how he\'d stay quiet in interviews, like the whisper of wind through a willow tree, breaking his silence only to speak words of the wisest wisdom?

30. Do you remember the first time we heard the You & I high note, and it felt like we were flying and falling all at once?

41. Oh you\'re thanking One Direction in your speech? That\'s a thing you\'re doing? We\'ll just be over here, then, drowning in a river of our own tears.

42. Don\'t think about the \'I always wanted a brother...\' quote, Sugarscape, for god\'s sake - it will destroy you.

47. Didn\'t realise the human body was equipped to deal with this kind of emotional pain, tbh.

48. Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night chaaaaaaanges.

49. Probably shouldn\'t have sung that out loud.

52. Then again, he was the one who broke down on top of the photocopier the day Zayn left, so he can\'t even judge us.

56. Do you know some days we forget he even left?

68. You\'re ZOUIS for Christ\'s sake. You don\'t do this. You don\'t do this. STOP IT.

69. Don\'t make us come over there and knock your heads together.

70. Will somebody please make Naughty Boy stop talking please.

72. Oh Zayn, you would have looked so divine in those Dodgeball shorts.

73. Do you realise that? Do you realise how much those red and white vibes would have worked for you?

82. Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast his hair changes?

84. And then the \'Not My Type\' demo comes along, and slays us in the heart.

88. Four amazing years of fetus to frickin\' huge.

93. OH BLOODY HELL HE\'S IN PARIS AND HE\'S DOING THE FASHION THING.

94. Those cheekbones those cheekbones those cheekbones those cheekbones

98. A solo deal? An actual solo deal? Our ears are not ready. Not even10 per cent ready.

99. OH GOD HE\'S ON TWITTER AGAIN. HE\'S TWEETING THINGS. LOTS OF THINGS. SOME OF THEM ANGRY.

101. Always in our heart, Zayn Malik. Sincerely, Sugarscape.

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