I found this wise letter written to a, well, if i berkata what i wanted to, it would take too long. So, just read.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ atau Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding atau salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the pantai in tight, white shorts. But my kegemaran feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell anda how selamat, peti deposit keselamatan and secure I feel each bulan knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have anda ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing anda haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minit from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with pisau skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, anda must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. anda surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written sejak drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, anda of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”
Are anda fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a hari in which anda have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so anda don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting senapang and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the Cinta of God, pull your head out, man. If anda just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make lebih sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” atau “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? atau are anda just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minit miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
I like that person. Just remember, no riffles, hammers, atau running over people.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ atau Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding atau salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the pantai in tight, white shorts. But my kegemaran feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell anda how selamat, peti deposit keselamatan and secure I feel each bulan knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have anda ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing anda haven’t. Well, my “time of the month” is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minit from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with pisau skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, anda must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. anda surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written sejak drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, anda of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period.”
Are anda fucking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a hari in which anda have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so anda don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting senapang and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the Cinta of God, pull your head out, man. If anda just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make lebih sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” atau “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”? atau are anda just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minit miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
I like that person. Just remember, no riffles, hammers, atau running over people.
