Emmett

-Edward bought Bella a small silver phone. The kinds everybody has when there's an emergency. I wonder what's so special about the small silver phone.

Bella holds small sliver phone sejak it's edge. Almost dropping it.

Bella: Euw. It's small. and silver. and it's a phone. Omg its a small silver phone!!

Edward: Silver is sexy. Would anda prefer a green giant phone instead, Bella?

Bella: No. Not green. I hate green. Green is wet. Green is damp. Green is Forks. I hate Forks.

Edward: If anda haven't come to Forks then anda wouldn;t have met me, your sexy, gorgeous, perfect boyfriend who's also a vampire...

Edward and Carlisle in a hospital approx. 107 years ago. Edward dying in the bed. Carlisle walks over.
Carlisle: anda ready?
Edward: For what?
Carlisle takes his wrist and bites him
Carlisle: For the wicked awesome parody!!
Edward yelps and pulls away
Edward: What the fuck! I thought anda were a doctor!!
Carlisle frowns and bites him on the neck, Edward starts flinching in pain, and the screen goes blank. Twilight is born flashes across the screen followed sejak three days later. Edward waking up confused remembers being bitten and sees Carlisle standing over him, Edward frowns gets up, and hits Carlisle...