The color drains from your face and your eyes blaze fire. Your entire body stiffens and for a fraction of a second, anda turn your face away, unable to even look at him. How dare he mock you!? Especially now, when your usual defenses against him are disabled sejak your agony. But of course he knows that, and, as usual, he is using that information to ridicule and wound, just like he always does to anda and everyone else. anda grip the doorframe for support and something pahit rises in your throat.
"You son-of-a-bitch." Your voice is impeccably controlled, deathly calm, and pitched at a throaty whisper, but somehow your words are filled with lebih venom and your simple statement has lebih of a devastating effect than if you'd shrieked obscenities at him. His eyes widen in what appears to be genuine surprise and his mouth falls open. Momentarily stunned, for a brief saat anda consider that he might actually be sincere, but then anda banish the notion as quickly as it appeared. He is House; he is never sincere, and besides, you've gone too far to back down now.
"When I was getting a baby, anda told me I'd suck as a mother," anda hiss, a distorted, cynical sing-song in your tone and your chin raised in hurt defiance. The features of your face are twisted in your disgusted rage. "Now that I've lost it, anda tell me I'd be great as a mother!" anda punctuate every pahit word with a menacing step in his direction, until anda are mere few inches from his towering form. "Why do anda need to negate everything?" anda practically spit, cutting him like a pisau with your harsh demand for truth. Your narrowed eyes rake over him, searing him with the heat of your anger.
He stares straight at you, piercing anda with the intense blue of his eyes, and anda draw in a breath. "I don't know," he whispers with a heartbreaking, unguarded, childlike honesty, instantly melting your fury and replacing it with astonished bewilderment. anda gasp and your eyes widen in shock. His walls are, for some bizarre, unknown reason, momentarily down and he is so vulnerable, so exposed, and so...close.
I could lose my hati, tengah-tengah tonight,
If anda don't turn and walk away,
'Cause the way I feel, I might,
Lose control and let anda stay,
He is close. Very close. So close that anda can see the pulse at his throat and every line and contour of the face that has haunted, tormented, and lingered torturously near, yet just out of your reach, for twenty years. With a start, anda feel his warm breath ghost softly over your flushed and streaked face, your cheeks still burning from your anger the moment before and the deluge of hot tears that have each left their own searing trail on your striking features. Abnormally susceptible, every nerve in your body heightened sejak your grief, anda shiver involuntarily at the sensation and your own shaky breath catches in your throat as he appears to lean even closer. Confused, anda peer up at him, crystal droplets glistening on your dark lashes and a soalan in your red-rimmed eyes. Your gaze is searching. There are strange emotions flickering in the blue flame of his eyes and though you've never been able to read him quite as well as he always has you, in this electric moment, anda desperately try to solve the mystery behind them.
anda see regret. Hurt. Uncertainty. And, as his gaze shifts away from your commanding stare, an agonizing pain deeper than anda could've ever imagined. But then, with what is obviously a tremendous effort of will, he turns and stares unflinchingly back down into your eyes, courageously revealing to anda emotions anda thought he couldn't possess. Concern. Tenderness. Affection. Respect. A fierce, passionate desire but one deeper than mere lust, and something else, something somehow lebih profound, lebih complex than anything you've ever seen in him before. Something that both exhilarates and frightens you, intoxicates and sobers you, empowers and tames you. Something anda are completely unable to decipher. He inches even closer and a curious tingling feeling sweeps over your skin.
Suddenly anda feel a stir within the depths of your heart, in the fathoms of your very soul, and in that instant, for once, it is you, Lisa Cuddy, who is having the epiphany.
That mysterious emotion anda see in his eyes is love.
A state of euphoric, yet disbelieving panic swells and mounts within you. Your hands begin to tremble and your heartbeat far exceeds its normal rate, pounding out a wild, erratic rhythm that anda are sure must be audible to everyone within a ten-mile radius of your entryway. A strange, yet all-too-familiar sensation ignites in your lower abdomen and a delicious shiver runs down your spine. As his breath mingles with yours anda suddenly find yourself unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to think beyond the proximity of the man who is so obviously weighing something heavily behind the cerulean depth of his eyes.
Without even realizing it, anda hold your breath in anticipation, for anda know that now is not the time to take control; this is his moment to advance, not yours. anda can only hope he knows that anda are--and always have been--his for the taking. Only he has ever had the power to both comfort and conquer anda at the same time and now, when the pain of your loss is so excruciating that anda can hardly menanggung, bear it, anda need him lebih than anda ever have. anda silently will him to seize this opportunity, hardly daring to hope, and your eyes widen and your hati, tengah-tengah leaps as anda see him make his decision.
But somehow, anda are both expecting and utterly unprepared for what he does next.
'Cause I could take anda in my arms,
And never let go,
I could fall in Cinta with you,
I could fall in Cinta with you,
Suddenly, before anda even have time to comprehend the significance of what has just transpired, he has pulled anda into his arms, his lips have descended upon yours, and he is Ciuman anda with an emotional intensity unlike anything you've never experienced before. To your own astonishment, your first instinct is not to fight atau resist, but to close your eyes and welcome him, catching the side of his face with your hand as he effectively captures your mouth and your body in one fluid motion. In stark contrast to the rest of him, his lips are surprisingly soft, but, though gentle, his Ciuman is desperate, probing and raw, a perfect, intoxicating blend of demanding and tender that arouses a deep ache in your middle and draws a feeble, tremulous whimper of submission from your throat.
Though at first, your mind fails to register what is happening, your body responds to him automatically and anda return his Ciuman with enthusiasm, rejoicing at the feel of his fingers buried in your dark curls and the pleasurable, yet slightly painful, sensation of his rough stubble on your tender skin. At the taste of his intoxicating flavor, something within anda snaps and anda become instantaneously insatiable, your lips moving frantically over his in your desperate desire for lebih of him. Your mouths dance together feverishly, hungrily, in a synchronized, yet spontaneous rhythm that makes your head spin and your body tremble. Emitting the smallest of moans, anda seize his bottom lip between your own, silently begging him for lebih as anda suck pleadingly upon it. He mercifully obliges, quickening the Ciuman with a power that sends your mind reeling and simultaneously enveloping your petite form with one powerful arm, drawing anda up and ke hadapan to meet him with surprising strength and ease. Melting into the contours of his body, anda shudder as his hand roams over your back, both gently caressing and forcefully meshing your body with his as if to draw anda into himself. Wrapping your arms around him, anda grip the leather of his jacket, clinging to his frame as though you'll never let go.
Then, with sudden impetuosity, anda part your lips and draw breath from him, inviting him to invade, conquer, and possess anda in every possible way. He accepts, and your ecstasy climaxes as his tongue tenderly, passionately, begins to make Cinta to yours; swirling hungrily over your lips and teeth, exploring every corner of your mouth with a reverent, yet staggeringly passionate tenacity, and tasting anda as though he'll never get enough.
But in a strange sort of oxymoron, with this deepening of the kiss, it no longer remains solely about the forces of sheer desire and your passion moves beyond the realm of the strictly physical. anda taste not only whiskey and too-sweet ceri, cherry lollipops, amazingly strong coffee and the pahit lingerings of Vicodin, but intense pain and dominating fear, naked honesty and overwhelming loneliness. His soul is laid bare before anda as an offering and unquestionable evidence of the purity of his love. You'd never imagined that he would--could--be like this; not again.
Tears rise unbidden to your eyes and, feeling for the first time in a long time that anda are truly free, wholly protected, and unconditionally loved, anda release the deluge of emotions that are held captive within you, some anda have restrained for as long as anda can remember; others, fresh wounds that are still bleeding. anda pour out the hurt of rejection, the pain of your loss, the ache of your guilt, and the burn of your longing, opening the depths of your hati, tengah-tengah to him with a wild abandon that both thrills and scares you, but feels so unbelievably right. All facades are ripped away, all pretenses shattered, and not despite your pain, but because of it, anda both become beautifully broken in each other's arms.
I can only wonder how,
Touching you,
Would make me feel,
But if I take that chance right now,
Tomorrow, will anda want me still?
This simple act of naked vulnerability, blind trust, and painfully raw passion is somehow so much lebih intimate than anything that has ever transpired between the two of anda before, even the one perfect night anda shared together so long ago. Perhaps it becomes too intimate, too personal, and perhaps that is why, just as your Ciuman begins to escalate into the beginnings of something more, just as anda finally resign yourself to the fact that anda might actually want something more, he suddenly pulls away with a jarring abruptness that leaves anda confused and unfulfilled.
Astonished and perhaps a bit frightened sejak the strength of your emotions, for a brief moment, anda both remain Frozen in the same position, the only difference being the recently introduced angkasa between your lips, and it is a good thing his arm is supporting you, your body hovering inches above the floor, for it feel like your Bones have turned to liquid. anda don't dare open your eyes at first; anda are afraid. Afraid of breaking the spell, afraid it will all be a dream, afraid of what anda might see reflected in his eyes. atau of what anda might not.
Yet even with your sense of sight disabled, anda are consumed sejak him, sejak your desire for him. His very nearness is stimulating to your senses and his scent seems to bewitch you, holding anda mesmerized sejak the caress of its achingly familiar embrace. The sound of heavy breathing seems to fill the room and with your body still molded to his, anda can feel his heartbeat pound strongly within him, the two rhythms merging into a strange sort of symphony that holds anda spellbound, in awe of its beauty. anda can practically taste his breath as it swirls around your face, engulfing anda and permeating every particle of your being, seeming to tenderly Ciuman your cheek as it mingles with your own.
Intoxicated sejak him, anda contemplate touching your lips once lebih to his, knowing full well that, in doing so, anda will peminat a flame that, once ignited, neither one of anda has ever been able to quench. But before anda make the decision to pass the point of no return, anda become increasingly aware of the sensation of being gently lowered and just as your bare feet come into contact with the cold floor once again, your eyes fly open and your gaze locks with his.
Tonight it is blue on green, though usually when your eyes meet, it is an explosive fusion of piercing, arresting blue, both equally strong, equally fierce, and sparking with an electricity ignited sejak either mischief, anger, atau repressed desire. But in your grief, your eyes are no longer the deep blue-grey, subtly flecked with green and gold, that anda know he is spellbound by. Especially when anda are absolutely furious with him and they seem to take on an almost flame-like quality. Instead, your eyes have assumed a dull, cloudy green hue, tinged with grey and rimmed in red, a blend of Warna that characterize your excruciating pain and torturous heartache. His eyes, though still a blindingly bright, electric blue; striking cerulean with just a hint of green, are somehow deeper and darker than anda remember seeing in a long time and anda detect a raging conflict between two forces battling within them.
anda see a fierce, passionate desire, both for your body and for you, smoldering behind the blue, mingled with respect and tender affection. Your eyes widen and your breath catches in your throat. anda are used to childish mockery, taunting arrogance, stubborn determination, atau undisguised lust; this blend of distinctly human emotions is foreign to you, yet somehow familiar, and that both comforts and frightens anda half out of your wits.
Gone is the immature, exasperating little boy that is the bane of your existence and the sumber of a significant majority of the stress in your life. In his place is a man anda have seen only glimpses of since the days before the infarction, before Stacy, before your relationship was supposed to be strictly that of an employer and employee. Back when anda weren't quite so concerned with your reputation. Back when his sense of humor didn't rely so much upon the ridicule of other people. Back when anda both smiled a bit lebih and fought a bit less. And back when anda allowed the tall, endearingly arrogant medical genius with the piercing blue eyes to capture your hati, tengah-tengah after only one night.
But anda also see a paralyzing fear churning wildly within the cerulean depths. Tonight, anda have both crossed the line, scaled the wall, and broken the chains that have separated anda from each other for twenty long years. anda have finally telah diberi in to the passionate desire that has been lying dormant within anda both for far too long and, in a moment of impetuosity, acted upon it without regard for potential consequences. anda have pushed aside all the self-imposed boundaries between anda and dared, for one minute, infinitesimal moment, to be completely honest, blindly trusting, and openly broken. And that intimacy, that vulnerability, scares the hell out of him.
The desires of his hati, tengah-tengah war against the voices in his head. anda peer anxiously up at him as he fights desperately against his insecurities, his unwillingness to become vulnerable, and his terror of rejection and hurt. Although anda are powerless to help him, unable to relieve his torment, your gaze locks with his and anda silently will him to seize the opportunity literally standing before his eyes. As the pressure mounts within, your hati, tengah-tengah begins to pound wildly within anda and anda feel his eyes bore into your body, piercing your very soul with the power and intensity of the conflict raging behind them. This is the point of no return, and the electricity of the moment practically sears your skin with its heat. anda see him fight madly, resisting his captors and their all-too-familiar chains with all he has, and then, at the last possible instant, anda see him, once again, submit.
"Good night." he whispers, and something dies within you.
So I should keep this to myself,
And never let anda know?
I could fall in Cinta with you,
I could fall in Cinta you,
He flees without a backward glance, too distracted to even close the front door, and anda watch, in a state of petrified shock, as he hurries down your steps and away from what could have been his last chance at happiness. And, quite possibly, yours.
"G-good night." anda stammer, the words catching in your throat, threatening to unleash the torrent of hot tears that anda feel rapidly beginning to pool in your eyes. anda gaze dumbly after him for a few seconds, praying, wishing, silently pleading in hopeful desperation, but he does not turn, and as he limps out of sight, anda exhale, and with a massive effort of will, tear your eyes from his retreating form.
Slowly, painfully, as though in a dream, anda shuffle across the hallway and collapse weakly against the wall. Hands pressed against it, anda fight madly to keep your footing, swallowing furiously in a desperate attempt to choke back the tears, and, surprisingly, anda succeed for a few torturous seconds. But then, overcome sejak your emotional and physical exhaustion, anda begin to tremble violently, and, unable to resist any longer, anda crumple to the floor in a heap, letting the tears flow once more.
Deep, heavy sobs rack your body and hot tears cascade down your cheeks in apparently limitless quantities. Burying your face in your hands, anda curl into a writhing, miserable ball on the floor, the very picture of defeat. Shaking with the power of your body's response to your now twice-broken heart, anda lie there, hunched against the wall, crying bitterly into your sweater, until anda have no lebih tears left to cry. anda remain limp and shivering on the cold floor for a few minutes, gasping through the last traces of your tears, until your body finally ceases its violent trembling and anda feel as if it might be remotely possible that anda have the strength to alih again. Then, weakly, tremulously, with a remarkable display of willpower, anda raise yourself up from the dusty hardwood and lean your flushed face against the cool plaster.
And I know it's not right,
And I guess I should try,
To do what I should do,
Unbidden, your mind begins to replay every sensation, every smell, and every taste of the grief-soaked kiss. Once again, anda feel his hands fisted in your hair, his stubble scraping your skin, his lips moving roughly over your mouth, his tongue tenderly caressing yours. Wincing, anda shut your eyes tightly, squeezing the last remaining droplets from them, and bite the inside of your cheek until anda taste blood, inflicting physical pain upon yourself in some desperate hope that it will distract anda from your far lebih compelling emotional wounds.
anda stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the memories, knowing full well the danger of drowning in the beautiful anomaly that is Greg House. anda know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if anda dwell upon him long enough, anda will forget that he is a narcissistic, arrogant drug-addict and instead, anda will focus on all the wonderful little things anda Cinta about him. How piercingly blue his eyes are. How he can make anda laugh at things anda know anda shouldn’t. How infuriatingly adorable he is when he knows he's right. How his whole face lights up when he looks at you. And how, if anda are not careful, he just might make anda fall in Cinta with him.
But that is the one thing anda must never do.
Gritting your teeth, anda tell yourself firmly that the Ciuman was a mistake, an accident, a...something-that-should-never-have-happened. anda clench your fists and shake your head violently until your temples begin to throb, as though giving yourself a splitting headache will somehow erase the fact that he's gone. anda mercilessly command your brain to banish the memories, but in the very act of ordering their destruction, anda come to realize just how precious they are to you. And how precious he is to you.
But I could fall in love,
Fall in Cinta with you,
I could fall in Cinta with you,
In that moment, finally, after twenty long, torturous years of loneliness and self-denial, anda cease your fierce resistance and surrender. Immediately, it feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders and the tears begin anew, trailing hard and fast down your face, but anda do not care. anda let them fall because your tears are no longer tears of hurt, atau of loss, atau of pain, but tears of freedom. Slowly, your raise a trembling hand to your mouth and gently, almost reverently, brush your fingertips over your lips, imagining the feel of his on yours. anda chuckle hoarsely as anda feel how bruised and swollen they are and a timid, watery smile slowly begins to creep up the corner of your mouth, the first real one since anda Lost Joy.
Heaving a deep, quavery sigh, anda draw your knees up to your chest and lean your head back against the dinding in helpless, yet willing resignation, acknowledging the futility of denying what just transpired and finally allowing yourself to bask in each painfully beautiful detail. anda remember the tenderness anda saw in his eyes. The concern anda felt in his touch. The Cinta anda tasted in his kiss. And then, for the saat time tonight, anda are once again struck sejak an overwhelming revelation of monumental proportions.
anda can't fall in Cinta with him.
Because anda already have.
Slowly, hesitantly, your tentative smile blooms into a broad grin.
komen-komen are love!!!
