*presses record on the tape recorder*
Skipper's Log : My Autobiography.
Prologue:
Location : The Cen-...classified! I'm...um...in a classified location! I certainly wouldn't be in The Central Park Zoo! Well, I'm recording this autobiography for posterity's sake, see, and also because most of my secrets have been declassified.... Oh...whatever! I was hatched in Antarctica and raised a genuine New Yorker; I know the lay of the land better than the back of my own flipper. I came out into the world a bold and daring baby penguin on *coughs* CLASSIFIED *coughs*, and after rescuing a baby penguin from a leopard meterai attack, my team was formed. Then, we replaced an octopus in the Central Park Zoo. Name's Skipper (if anda haven't heard the title). I've been many things in my *coughs* CLASSIFIED *coughs* decades of life: warrior, leader, adventurer, mentor, ex boyfriend, , and possibly one of the worst enemies anda could have. I see myself as a leader, a natural born leader, and I tunjuk it, comprende? If this recording ever makes it out into the world, I don't know what I'd do except maybe slap the lazy hippie responsible for spilling what little SECRET secrets i have left! And don't even get me STARTED on what would happen if one of my enemies heard this! Oh, sejak the way, I'm making this a long and detailed recording, so if anda don't have any patience, anda can just hear it another time atau whatever.
Chapter 1: My team.
My team and I are the only things standing in the way between chaos and the Zoo. Huh, my team, what would I do without them? I've called us many things (we had it narrowed down to The Black and White Commandos, Ninja Flipper Squad and Rawak grunting that sounded like Garg Meeg Peebles) I settled on Team Penguin, something I felt was short and fearsome. Something anda could take utama and introduce to your momma! I run a tight ship and I expect only the best. I expect my men to be on their webbed toes and fit for duty. But we'll save that for later, let me introduce anda to the boys.
Rico is our demolitions expert. He doesn't say much, but he's willing to give it his all. Personally, I think years of regurgitating weapons and such had damaged his throat. His stomach is an endless void called a hammer angkasa (note to self: I have to make Kowalski put in a quarter in his tunjuk off Jar for that. Whenever he says something long, boring and scientific I charge him.) He's pretty much a world class psychopath with a taste for excitement. It's a mystery how he passed the psych exam, because Kowalski attempted to read Rico's mind once and all that he got was a single thought: "Fish". To make up for his lack of speech, he's our best (and only) weapons expert. In addition to ikan he's interested in two other things, explosions and his doll/girlfriend, Miss Perky. He also has an extreme case of gooey Cinta mush sensitivity. Young Private is the main cause ending in extreme nausea for Rico. There are two downsides to Rico, he's superstitious, and anda can't let him get too crazy with explosives because he may have the capability to destroy the Zoo *shudder*.
Kowalski is the tallest (I'm a bit jealous) and the smartest in the group. But he tends to over analyze whenever I tell him the usual "Kowalski, Analysis."In addition to being our brilliant inventor and group strategist, he's my second- in- command. One of several pet peeves I have about him is that his inventions usually end up exploding (much to the excitement of Rico), so I'm a little suspicious of anything he builds. Despite all that he's a genius. Give him a bunch of Rawak junk, sarap and he can produce a plasma ray atau a rocket ship. Don't ask me why but he has an irrational fear of the dentist (for me it's needles, but who can blame me? Sharp little instruments of terror!). He can play a banjo and sing, too. His Cinta interest is a resident dolphin, Doris, Blowhole's sister, who's tried to tell him she's not interested a gajillion times already... atau at least she used to. They shared a kiss-...I'm getting ahead of myself.
Private (Oh, sorry, I forgot "Private First Class". Yes, his name is also his title) is the shortest (thankfully) and the youngest in Team Penguin. He is our resident code breaker. He speaks with a hint of a British accent which I thought was fake until I met his Uncle Nigel (World's bahagian, atas penguin Agent (besides me) whose disguise for the longest time was a version of his usual self who acted like he was south of crazytown). He can be too soft for my comfort. He has a very bad sugar addiction and has a talent he swears never to use again: Hyper Cuteness. He has an irrational fear of badgers and is obsessed with Lunacorns (though his toy Lunacorn did save our tails once). But, he's fiercely loyal, a good member of the team and fights amazingly well when he's blindfolded.
Chapter 2: Madagascar, Africa and Europe.
Flashback to 2004 . That tahun my team and I attempted to escape the Zoo. Our escape tunnel only made it as far as our neighbor, Marty the zebra. (For time's sake let's call Marty and his friends, "The Hippies") Marty, Alex, the lion, Gloria the Hippo and Melman Mankiewicz the giraffe (the Hippies), two chimpanzees named Phil and Mason and ourselves attempted to make it back to the wild, savage lands of our ancestors. We made it as far as Grand Central Station before we were on a cargo bot bound for Antarctica (which sucked, sejak the way) later, and Africa.
The Hippes were bound for Africa, but ended up drifting to Madagascar where we found them after our trip to Antarctica. The ship was out of gas. We ended up borrowing and repairing a plane from the lemur King, Julien XIII (a.k.a Ringtail, the Bane of my existence and our neighbor) who let us on the condition that he and two of his subjects, Mort and Maurice tag along. We made it as far as Africa before the plane crashed. I don't know what happened with The Hippies, but sejak the time the plane was fixed Alex was reunited with his family, and I married a bobble head (sadly, my relationship with Lola wasn't meant to be). About 4 years later, we were in Monte Carlo playing (and winning) at roulette until The Hippies burst in and Hotel security called in Chief Chantel DuBois, of Animal Control who only wanted the Mammals as hunting trophies. We barely escaped her and her men. The Hippies' only hope was to sertai Circus Zargoza (and believe me when I say this circus needed the extra help, they were in dire need of new material) to get back home. We bought the circus with money we obtained from the roulette game, otherwise those carnies would have kicked the Hippies off the train! After the performance failed in London , they made their way stateside after an amazing performance in Rome. DuBois eventually caught up and we had to rescue them. For her services in returning all of us back to the Zoo she was rewarded with a million dollar check, but not before attempting to poison Alex. She and her team were knocked unconscious sejak us and the circus in my plan, Operation: Circus Afro, and later arrested (at least that's what they thought but I made sure that she and her men were off on an all expense paid trip to Madagascar on a cramped cargo boat. )
Then just when we thought everything was fine and dandy, Private's birthday came up!
What? My birthday was bad?
No, Private! I meant-...never mind. You'll just have to listen to this.
We went to raid Fort Knox to get Private's new kegemaran discontinued then re continued snack, Cheesy Dibbles when things went south. We were kidnapped sejak a criminally insane cephalopod, Dr. Octavius Brine (Dave, to his friends). He was the octopus that we took the place of in the zoo, and each time, the same things happened to him in each zoo he went. He had a nice collection of snow globes, though, I'll admit.
He hated penguins, and wanted to round us all up and make us hideously butt-ugly with his Medusa Serum, but we were saved sejak the North Wind, an inter-species commando team of agents consisting of Agent Classified, a British wolf, the leader, Short Fuse, a harp meterai and demotions expert, Eva, a Russian owl, and strategist, and the muscle of the group, Corporal, a polar bear.
Naturally, they thought they were too good for us, and left us out of the mission. To add insult to injury, they carted us off to their most remote base....in Madagascar! Seriously! I thought we were done with that place! Luckily, we escaped, and headed to Shanghai, where we knew Dave would attack next. We caught him, but not before our plain went down the toilet due to a lousy self-destruct button and he escaped, capturing Private and the rest of the zoo's penguins.
Classified and I argued over what should be done, and I.... *mutters quickly* admitted i was wrong and let him take over. But his plan to ambush Dave failed, and we thought he had used the serum ray gun on Private, but he managed to escape! I taught him well! He freed the North Wind, but didn't sertai them to prepare to fight. He went to try to free the other penguins as Dave set off towards New York.
He used the ray on all of us. That isn't something i really want to get into, but we reversed the ray sejak using Private's cuteness as an energy source. I mean, sure, he turned merah jambu and grew antlers, but at least he's good for something after all. I couldn't be prouder of him.
Dave was caught in the ray's beam and somehow ended up being trapped in one of his snow globes.For helping, we all got our own jet packs (good ones!) and Kowalski got his little smooch from Eva, and we used Sad Eyes to change Private back to his own feathery, non pink-and-antlered self.
Chapter 3: Life at the Zoo
Fast ke hadapan to 2008, several years after our reluctant return to the zoo. Honestly, i Cinta the zoo and i Cinta where we are because we've got 5,000 square feet right off Fifth Avenue! I'll admit I don't know exactly how a penguin is supposed to act, but those humans eat up the "cute and cuddly" routine! It's a sweet deal, we get free fish, and all we have to do is smile, wave and look disgustingly adorable to the point of nausea for the overcharged tourists, never suspecting that any of us...never mind.
The zoo contains ( in alphabetical order) an alligator, an Asian otter, baboons, badgers, beavers, camels, chameleons, chimpanzees ( they used to be in a cage, now they have a habitat. The cage is currently unused), flamingos, fossas, gazelles, gorillas, a kangaroo, a koala, lemurs, llamas, ostriches, otters, us penguins, porcupines, a polar bear, poison dart frogs, red Rhodesian slashers, the Reptile House and a rhinoceros,
There used to be an octopus habitat, a zebra, kuda belang Habitat (now the llamas) a lion exhibit (now the lemurs), a giraffe habitat (they got rid of that) and a hippopotamus habitat (now the gazelles) and anda can guess who those belonged to! The Hippies!
The zoo also has storage, a souvenir kedai (which doubles as the zoo's meeting hall) an animal care clinic, a fountain, the bathrooms, Alice's bedrooms, the staff break room, and a smattering of benches, which can come on handy for recon, but there are only three of them. Then there's the Tisch's Children's Zoo, but that's nothing TOO interesting ; just a normal petting zoo. Lastly, it's the famous Delacorte clock, which chimes every half hour, and the bahagian, atas of every jam and plays annoying calliope music, too.
I've made a few enemies at the Zoo. Alice, the ornery zookeeper, Joey the kangaroo, Officer X of Animal Control, The tikus King, a mutated sewer rat, Hans, a Danish puffin and the reason I can't put a single webbed foot anywhere near Denmark, Rhonda the walrus, a spy for Blowhole, Savio the Boa, who had makan malam, majlis makan malam plans, with the Zoo Haiwan as his main course, Clemson the lemur, who tried to dethrone Julien. But I've also made a few Friends like..uh.... Marlene the otter, our seterusnya door neighbor (I think she's from California.) Then there's Roger, originally a sewer gator, and Kitka the falcon, my ex girlfriend.
My team's main job basically is to protect the Zoo from harm. Anything that could go wrong, like one of Kowalski's failed inventions explodes, Julien royally screws something else up, an arch foe rears their ugly head again, anything like that, we have a plan for.
Chapter 4: Arch nemeses
Many of my enemies I've met while at the Zoo. All of those previously mentioned (minus Joey, Alice and X) seemed to resurface at the Hoboken Zoo. A place I'd swore I'd NEVER enter alive. I've wasted away in prison camps and gulags, but I'd take those over Hoboken any day. Sorry, back to the story. Flashback to August of 2011. The boys and I planned a fishing trip to Cape Cod. All was well until a huge storm blew us off course and we (literally) landed in Hoboken. I've heard a lot of horror stories about that disease riddled cesspool of a Zoo, but it was a sparkling clean paradise.
I knew at once something was wrong. While the others had a blast enjoying the company of our reformed enemies, while I was sticking my beak where it didn't belong (one place was a shrine Zookeeper Frances had set up for Central Park Commissioner McSlade.) This landed my right in the dungeon. It turns out that all the animals, even my men (and yes, me too. My iron will was broken sejak the sweet, sweet temptation of a neck rub) were cloned via massage chairs.
The biomechanical androids were much easier to care for and much easier for the neat freak Frances to control. Just as she was about to become head Zookeeper at Central Park, I was fighting my evil clone. The end result was her being fired from the job and arrested.
The tikus King is a different story. My men and I met him one hari in April of '09 when Julien's crown "fell" into the sewer, and I had to fight the royal rodent to get it back. My concussion was all for nothing when we learned he had a spare crown. The tikus King had been a problem for us at least 10 times within the past few years. He's the kind of tikus who will bully, lie and thieve his way into whatever he wants. Luckily we've always managed to defeat him. The bigger they are, the harder they fall and whatnot... seriously, he's 6 foot 4 inches tall with 34 inch biceps.....i was terrified when-.... I mean i faced the foe with my war face on! Hoo-ha! * karate move*
Chapter 5: Dr. Blowhole
Doctor Francis Blowhole, PhD (he got his degrees legally over the internet teaching classes at N.Y.U) is my greatest foe .On lebih than one occasion he's tried to take over the world. He has a hati, tengah-tengah of pure evil, but skin surprisingly pleasant to the touch. His plans have made me go a BIT paranoid , so much so that several years lalu I tried to trick him with a toilet /stink bomb. It failed, OBVIOUSLY since dolphins don't use toilets. (that's the last time I listen to Rico about revenge plans!) For reasons unknown, he enjoys being hand-fed ikan sejak his lobsters, and retains a chirp similar to lumba-lumba, ikan lumba-lumba calls when he says certain vowels when he laughs. He also rides a Segway Pt 76. Private thinks it's just because he was born and raised to be cared for sejak humans and just got used to zoo life, but THAT theory is ridiculous!
His lebih baru-baru ini attack was on the arctic. He tried to melt the Arctic Circle, flooding the earth. Once more, we stopped him. His final attack was last September. Using his "Mind Jacker" to erase my memory, his target was the boys. He planned to make them evil monsters fit to do his bidding using his "Diabologizer". As I washed up somewhere on a deserted island after I was ambushed sejak Hans in Shanghai, my mind created a spirit guide, in the form of Alex, The yak happy lion to help me find my memories and my way home. ( Hmm...sounds like the end of a pixie dust- filled fairy tale!)
The only time Julien created a problem and helped solve it was when I was back at the Zoo after making my way menyeberang, cross country half crazy from having Alex constantly talking to me. I found that one of Kowalski's inventions (some kind of power cell) merged with Julien's MP3 player (he thought it was a battery. What can I say? That's Ringtail for ya.) to create a monster sized machine that forced everyone to sing. Blowhole tried to tame it, but while I distracted him, the boys removed the battery, and erased Blowholes memory. Coney Island welcomed the long awaited return of Flippy the Dolphin- his cheerful, happy-go-lucky "alter-ego". His Flippy personality is a remnant of his pre -Ring- of- api, kebakaran -accident days before he became evil after injuring his eye. He switched back to it after losing his memory, as best i can figure.
Speaking of, Parker, a platypus, and Doris, Blowhole's sister came to us for help recently. As it turns out, that conniving little Mono......Monochromatic.....Mononucleosis....Monowhaddyacallit...Kowalski...what family do platypus belong to?
Monotreme, I believe. GHAA! I can't believe she dated that scumbag! What did she SEE in him?!
Anyways, that conniving little monotreme tricked us into helping Blowhole!Blowhole still thought that he was Flippy ( saat best lumba-lumba, ikan lumba-lumba in Seaville, 3 shows daily, 4 on weekends). Parker then took Blowhole back to his base and the lobsters attempted to get the Mind Jacker out of Blowhole's Segway, which failed until we showed up. We started fighting the lobsters, and Doris decided to sertai in. She had no idea how to operate the segway, and she erased all of our minds until Parker restored Blowhole's and he shackled us to a wall. He restored our memories to have one last gloat, but not before quick-thinking Kowalski knocked him off balance with his tongue. His plan to flood the earth using the moon would have worked if Rico hadn't blown up the laser he planned to use. Eventually, the lab blew up as well. Doris and Kowalski shared a brief, yet passionate kiss.
But i know out there Blowhole is still alive. Arch enemies ALWAYS return, sooner atau later.
Chapter 6: Our base
Well, seeing as this is for my teams earholes only, i think i feel comfortable telling everything.
Our HQ -or "Headquarters" for those of who that aren't in the know of such a highly complex acronym- was built only a few years ago. It was built in preparation for a bunch of seals...or maybe they were sea lions...to alih in, but when we came back to the zoo, we decided we needed our old base back. It wasn't intentionally hollow, but we put it to good use! Facing us are the lemurs, to our left is Marlene's place, the right is the chimps, and behind us are the flamingos, with us in the very center of the zoo.
We started out as only having a tunnel under the ikan bowl , which lead to the former zebra, kuda belang habitat ( the tunnel is still there. it's covered sejak a rock in the current llama habitat). Our base is simple, and comfy, but practical. The main entrance is a ikan bowl ( an old dog dish full of fish, not a glass ikan bowl) covering a hole in the concrete. For some reason, humans and the skeleton crew Alice calls a zoo staff don't notice that we vanish for most of the day!
adder there is a large ikan mounted on a a plaque Membaca "Private's First Prize". On the dinding opposite the mounted fish, there is a Televisyen with a VCR / DVD player, a large radio and megaphone on bahagian, atas of a concrete block and behind those, a jumble of wires, a fork Berlakon for a missing piece of wire, and an electrical box (Kowalski is thorough, but some of his things are makeshift). On the dinding opposite the bunks there are two portholes looking out into the water surrounding our habitat, and a periscope that looks around the outside part of our habitat. On the roof there are many pipes and wires, and a large light. I was also stupid enough to add decorative ceiling spikes.
Behind the only door in our HQ is a small atrium of a room, leading to a series of doors. They contain the following (in order) : an entrance to the zoo, the bathroom, our boiler room (which has a lot of pipes, wires and spikes in the ceiling), Kowalski's lab, our booby trap filled closet, and a staircase in case our elevators fail. We have one elevator going down 12 levels under the table, and another outside of the HQ under a garbage can that leads to the sewers. We don't use that one unless we're willing to risk life and limb getting through strategically placed and extremely dangerous booby traps that even WE can't get past! (hey, i didn't say we were perfect!)
I also have other booby traps and hidden cameras set up.
Private's trophy plaque is similar to our door. It has several tunnels leading to and from a bunch of the other habitats, Private's selamat, peti deposit keselamatan (which swings out of a compartment to block the other portions when the selamat, peti deposit keselamatan is needed). Spoons also shoot out of one of the tunnels if the HQ is under attack A laundry cart, troli and a plastic krat also fall from the room in case of an emergency. I also have a lock down system ; the windows, doors and all other entrances automatically nail and bolt themselves shut. In addition to all that, i have a metal cage that crashes down on the roof of our HQ, and tear gas, and mines, stink bombs and laser trip wires are rigged around the perimeter of the HQ (they're all along the fence of the HQ). There is also an unstable nuclear reactor underneath our pool that could very well destroy the entire city.
There is also a tunnel leading to the lemur Habitat behind the TV.
I also rigged a portion of the dinding that our door shares to swivel out and reveal a dinding of weapons, explosives and chemicals.
The first elevator under the meja, jadual leads to the 12 levels below the main room. Level two is our storage area, three is a UFO, four is a giant creature of unknown and otherwise questionable origins that Kowalski is studying, levels 5 through 12 are classified, and 13 is where Kowalski has his selamat, peti deposit keselamatan (the combination WAS D,O,R,I,S, but he changed it) and his untested inventions.
Our tunnel system is vast and numerous. One contains the cavern where Buck Rockgut was hiding from the Red tupai for 47 years. Tunnel 13B leads to the subway, which Blowhole once crashed through to get to the HQ.
Chapter 7: My Early Life
I grew up in Antarctica with Rico and Kowalski, and we found Private, still an egg, about to be attacked sejak a leopard seal. We rescued him, and bada boom, bada bing, we became a team! Any questions?
I'd tell anda about Denmark and Manfredi and Johnson, but for now that remains classified! Poor Freddy and Johnny...their lives tragically cut short sejak a cruel twist of-
Um...actually, Skipper...
Yes, Kowalski?
I was examining the security camera footage from our escapade in Seaville Aqua Fun Park last July, and Manfredi and Johnson are indeed alive and-
What?! They are?! Eggs and bacon, how did we miss seeing them in Seaville?!
I-i have no idea, sir.
Anything else life changing that anyone wants to tell me?
Um...Skipper?
What is it Private?
Remember when anda went to destroy the Denmark file?
Yes, and my fight to make the ultimate sandwich, sandwic out of two halves of an open-faced one.
So that's what happened!
*warningly* Private.....
Um...never mind....Righty-o. Back to training.
ANYWAY.....
Looking back on my life (and don't get me wrong I still intend to go about living it!) I've done and berkata a lot of crazy things. I haven't had the chance to slap a hippie yet. Hopefully Kowalski can get that time machine fixed after the last time. I speak a bit of Italian. I've learned to play the Spanish gitar after living in Mexico for eight years; I've been in countless car chases and explosions and once woke up in a Kyoto hotel room on a katil of counterfeit Deutschmarks. My point is that I've had one heck of a life!
Anyways... well, i guess that's everything for now. Remember this much... forget everything I've told you! There are no such penguins as Skipper, Kowalski Rico and Private... anda didn't see...um....I mean hear anything!
Epilogue
I've made Friends and enemies, Lost Friends and enemies, Lost my dignity a few times. My Old Man molded me into the bird anda see before anda today . On lebih than one occasion have I found myself in an unusual situation and have had the skill and the know- how to escape. I owe it all to everyone that's has ever crossed paths with me and for that I'm thankful, otherwise who knows what sort of sorry shape I'd be in? But I admit I would be nothing without my men. Guys, thanks for everything and be sure to remember the penguin Code of Honor ...no, not "Never swim in a mix of boiling oil and Bisquick... I mean "Never Swim Alone". Keep that in mind and you'll be fine. I wonder what my life would be like if I never met any of anda , but I stop to remind myself that I'm a Man and Men don't cry atau talk sappy. Kowalski, Rico, Private, it's been a pleasure.
Kowalski, try NOT to blow up the world once we retire. Rico...er...um...keep on...being Rico and enjoy life to the fullest! And Private? Keep up the good work. I couldn't be prouder that anda have your OWN secret life, just like mine! Keep on following in my footsteps and anda may just become team leader when I'm no longer able to do it!
I guess that's everything i can think of. Time to call it a hari and go out for our cute n' cuddly routine!
I'm waving my flippers back and forth now, sinking slowly for dramatic effect....and anda can't even see me, so why am i bothering to do this?
anda didn't see anything!
Skipper out!
*Shuts tape recorder off*
Skipper's Log : My Autobiography.
Prologue:
Location : The Cen-...classified! I'm...um...in a classified location! I certainly wouldn't be in The Central Park Zoo! Well, I'm recording this autobiography for posterity's sake, see, and also because most of my secrets have been declassified.... Oh...whatever! I was hatched in Antarctica and raised a genuine New Yorker; I know the lay of the land better than the back of my own flipper. I came out into the world a bold and daring baby penguin on *coughs* CLASSIFIED *coughs*, and after rescuing a baby penguin from a leopard meterai attack, my team was formed. Then, we replaced an octopus in the Central Park Zoo. Name's Skipper (if anda haven't heard the title). I've been many things in my *coughs* CLASSIFIED *coughs* decades of life: warrior, leader, adventurer, mentor, ex boyfriend, , and possibly one of the worst enemies anda could have. I see myself as a leader, a natural born leader, and I tunjuk it, comprende? If this recording ever makes it out into the world, I don't know what I'd do except maybe slap the lazy hippie responsible for spilling what little SECRET secrets i have left! And don't even get me STARTED on what would happen if one of my enemies heard this! Oh, sejak the way, I'm making this a long and detailed recording, so if anda don't have any patience, anda can just hear it another time atau whatever.
Chapter 1: My team.
My team and I are the only things standing in the way between chaos and the Zoo. Huh, my team, what would I do without them? I've called us many things (we had it narrowed down to The Black and White Commandos, Ninja Flipper Squad and Rawak grunting that sounded like Garg Meeg Peebles) I settled on Team Penguin, something I felt was short and fearsome. Something anda could take utama and introduce to your momma! I run a tight ship and I expect only the best. I expect my men to be on their webbed toes and fit for duty. But we'll save that for later, let me introduce anda to the boys.
Rico is our demolitions expert. He doesn't say much, but he's willing to give it his all. Personally, I think years of regurgitating weapons and such had damaged his throat. His stomach is an endless void called a hammer angkasa (note to self: I have to make Kowalski put in a quarter in his tunjuk off Jar for that. Whenever he says something long, boring and scientific I charge him.) He's pretty much a world class psychopath with a taste for excitement. It's a mystery how he passed the psych exam, because Kowalski attempted to read Rico's mind once and all that he got was a single thought: "Fish". To make up for his lack of speech, he's our best (and only) weapons expert. In addition to ikan he's interested in two other things, explosions and his doll/girlfriend, Miss Perky. He also has an extreme case of gooey Cinta mush sensitivity. Young Private is the main cause ending in extreme nausea for Rico. There are two downsides to Rico, he's superstitious, and anda can't let him get too crazy with explosives because he may have the capability to destroy the Zoo *shudder*.
Kowalski is the tallest (I'm a bit jealous) and the smartest in the group. But he tends to over analyze whenever I tell him the usual "Kowalski, Analysis."In addition to being our brilliant inventor and group strategist, he's my second- in- command. One of several pet peeves I have about him is that his inventions usually end up exploding (much to the excitement of Rico), so I'm a little suspicious of anything he builds. Despite all that he's a genius. Give him a bunch of Rawak junk, sarap and he can produce a plasma ray atau a rocket ship. Don't ask me why but he has an irrational fear of the dentist (for me it's needles, but who can blame me? Sharp little instruments of terror!). He can play a banjo and sing, too. His Cinta interest is a resident dolphin, Doris, Blowhole's sister, who's tried to tell him she's not interested a gajillion times already... atau at least she used to. They shared a kiss-...I'm getting ahead of myself.
Private (Oh, sorry, I forgot "Private First Class". Yes, his name is also his title) is the shortest (thankfully) and the youngest in Team Penguin. He is our resident code breaker. He speaks with a hint of a British accent which I thought was fake until I met his Uncle Nigel (World's bahagian, atas penguin Agent (besides me) whose disguise for the longest time was a version of his usual self who acted like he was south of crazytown). He can be too soft for my comfort. He has a very bad sugar addiction and has a talent he swears never to use again: Hyper Cuteness. He has an irrational fear of badgers and is obsessed with Lunacorns (though his toy Lunacorn did save our tails once). But, he's fiercely loyal, a good member of the team and fights amazingly well when he's blindfolded.
Chapter 2: Madagascar, Africa and Europe.
Flashback to 2004 . That tahun my team and I attempted to escape the Zoo. Our escape tunnel only made it as far as our neighbor, Marty the zebra. (For time's sake let's call Marty and his friends, "The Hippies") Marty, Alex, the lion, Gloria the Hippo and Melman Mankiewicz the giraffe (the Hippies), two chimpanzees named Phil and Mason and ourselves attempted to make it back to the wild, savage lands of our ancestors. We made it as far as Grand Central Station before we were on a cargo bot bound for Antarctica (which sucked, sejak the way) later, and Africa.
The Hippes were bound for Africa, but ended up drifting to Madagascar where we found them after our trip to Antarctica. The ship was out of gas. We ended up borrowing and repairing a plane from the lemur King, Julien XIII (a.k.a Ringtail, the Bane of my existence and our neighbor) who let us on the condition that he and two of his subjects, Mort and Maurice tag along. We made it as far as Africa before the plane crashed. I don't know what happened with The Hippies, but sejak the time the plane was fixed Alex was reunited with his family, and I married a bobble head (sadly, my relationship with Lola wasn't meant to be). About 4 years later, we were in Monte Carlo playing (and winning) at roulette until The Hippies burst in and Hotel security called in Chief Chantel DuBois, of Animal Control who only wanted the Mammals as hunting trophies. We barely escaped her and her men. The Hippies' only hope was to sertai Circus Zargoza (and believe me when I say this circus needed the extra help, they were in dire need of new material) to get back home. We bought the circus with money we obtained from the roulette game, otherwise those carnies would have kicked the Hippies off the train! After the performance failed in London , they made their way stateside after an amazing performance in Rome. DuBois eventually caught up and we had to rescue them. For her services in returning all of us back to the Zoo she was rewarded with a million dollar check, but not before attempting to poison Alex. She and her team were knocked unconscious sejak us and the circus in my plan, Operation: Circus Afro, and later arrested (at least that's what they thought but I made sure that she and her men were off on an all expense paid trip to Madagascar on a cramped cargo boat. )
Then just when we thought everything was fine and dandy, Private's birthday came up!
What? My birthday was bad?
No, Private! I meant-...never mind. You'll just have to listen to this.
We went to raid Fort Knox to get Private's new kegemaran discontinued then re continued snack, Cheesy Dibbles when things went south. We were kidnapped sejak a criminally insane cephalopod, Dr. Octavius Brine (Dave, to his friends). He was the octopus that we took the place of in the zoo, and each time, the same things happened to him in each zoo he went. He had a nice collection of snow globes, though, I'll admit.
He hated penguins, and wanted to round us all up and make us hideously butt-ugly with his Medusa Serum, but we were saved sejak the North Wind, an inter-species commando team of agents consisting of Agent Classified, a British wolf, the leader, Short Fuse, a harp meterai and demotions expert, Eva, a Russian owl, and strategist, and the muscle of the group, Corporal, a polar bear.
Naturally, they thought they were too good for us, and left us out of the mission. To add insult to injury, they carted us off to their most remote base....in Madagascar! Seriously! I thought we were done with that place! Luckily, we escaped, and headed to Shanghai, where we knew Dave would attack next. We caught him, but not before our plain went down the toilet due to a lousy self-destruct button and he escaped, capturing Private and the rest of the zoo's penguins.
Classified and I argued over what should be done, and I.... *mutters quickly* admitted i was wrong and let him take over. But his plan to ambush Dave failed, and we thought he had used the serum ray gun on Private, but he managed to escape! I taught him well! He freed the North Wind, but didn't sertai them to prepare to fight. He went to try to free the other penguins as Dave set off towards New York.
He used the ray on all of us. That isn't something i really want to get into, but we reversed the ray sejak using Private's cuteness as an energy source. I mean, sure, he turned merah jambu and grew antlers, but at least he's good for something after all. I couldn't be prouder of him.
Dave was caught in the ray's beam and somehow ended up being trapped in one of his snow globes.For helping, we all got our own jet packs (good ones!) and Kowalski got his little smooch from Eva, and we used Sad Eyes to change Private back to his own feathery, non pink-and-antlered self.
Chapter 3: Life at the Zoo
Fast ke hadapan to 2008, several years after our reluctant return to the zoo. Honestly, i Cinta the zoo and i Cinta where we are because we've got 5,000 square feet right off Fifth Avenue! I'll admit I don't know exactly how a penguin is supposed to act, but those humans eat up the "cute and cuddly" routine! It's a sweet deal, we get free fish, and all we have to do is smile, wave and look disgustingly adorable to the point of nausea for the overcharged tourists, never suspecting that any of us...never mind.
The zoo contains ( in alphabetical order) an alligator, an Asian otter, baboons, badgers, beavers, camels, chameleons, chimpanzees ( they used to be in a cage, now they have a habitat. The cage is currently unused), flamingos, fossas, gazelles, gorillas, a kangaroo, a koala, lemurs, llamas, ostriches, otters, us penguins, porcupines, a polar bear, poison dart frogs, red Rhodesian slashers, the Reptile House and a rhinoceros,
There used to be an octopus habitat, a zebra, kuda belang Habitat (now the llamas) a lion exhibit (now the lemurs), a giraffe habitat (they got rid of that) and a hippopotamus habitat (now the gazelles) and anda can guess who those belonged to! The Hippies!
The zoo also has storage, a souvenir kedai (which doubles as the zoo's meeting hall) an animal care clinic, a fountain, the bathrooms, Alice's bedrooms, the staff break room, and a smattering of benches, which can come on handy for recon, but there are only three of them. Then there's the Tisch's Children's Zoo, but that's nothing TOO interesting ; just a normal petting zoo. Lastly, it's the famous Delacorte clock, which chimes every half hour, and the bahagian, atas of every jam and plays annoying calliope music, too.
I've made a few enemies at the Zoo. Alice, the ornery zookeeper, Joey the kangaroo, Officer X of Animal Control, The tikus King, a mutated sewer rat, Hans, a Danish puffin and the reason I can't put a single webbed foot anywhere near Denmark, Rhonda the walrus, a spy for Blowhole, Savio the Boa, who had makan malam, majlis makan malam plans, with the Zoo Haiwan as his main course, Clemson the lemur, who tried to dethrone Julien. But I've also made a few Friends like..uh.... Marlene the otter, our seterusnya door neighbor (I think she's from California.) Then there's Roger, originally a sewer gator, and Kitka the falcon, my ex girlfriend.
My team's main job basically is to protect the Zoo from harm. Anything that could go wrong, like one of Kowalski's failed inventions explodes, Julien royally screws something else up, an arch foe rears their ugly head again, anything like that, we have a plan for.
Chapter 4: Arch nemeses
Many of my enemies I've met while at the Zoo. All of those previously mentioned (minus Joey, Alice and X) seemed to resurface at the Hoboken Zoo. A place I'd swore I'd NEVER enter alive. I've wasted away in prison camps and gulags, but I'd take those over Hoboken any day. Sorry, back to the story. Flashback to August of 2011. The boys and I planned a fishing trip to Cape Cod. All was well until a huge storm blew us off course and we (literally) landed in Hoboken. I've heard a lot of horror stories about that disease riddled cesspool of a Zoo, but it was a sparkling clean paradise.
I knew at once something was wrong. While the others had a blast enjoying the company of our reformed enemies, while I was sticking my beak where it didn't belong (one place was a shrine Zookeeper Frances had set up for Central Park Commissioner McSlade.) This landed my right in the dungeon. It turns out that all the animals, even my men (and yes, me too. My iron will was broken sejak the sweet, sweet temptation of a neck rub) were cloned via massage chairs.
The biomechanical androids were much easier to care for and much easier for the neat freak Frances to control. Just as she was about to become head Zookeeper at Central Park, I was fighting my evil clone. The end result was her being fired from the job and arrested.
The tikus King is a different story. My men and I met him one hari in April of '09 when Julien's crown "fell" into the sewer, and I had to fight the royal rodent to get it back. My concussion was all for nothing when we learned he had a spare crown. The tikus King had been a problem for us at least 10 times within the past few years. He's the kind of tikus who will bully, lie and thieve his way into whatever he wants. Luckily we've always managed to defeat him. The bigger they are, the harder they fall and whatnot... seriously, he's 6 foot 4 inches tall with 34 inch biceps.....i was terrified when-.... I mean i faced the foe with my war face on! Hoo-ha! * karate move*
Chapter 5: Dr. Blowhole
Doctor Francis Blowhole, PhD (he got his degrees legally over the internet teaching classes at N.Y.U) is my greatest foe .On lebih than one occasion he's tried to take over the world. He has a hati, tengah-tengah of pure evil, but skin surprisingly pleasant to the touch. His plans have made me go a BIT paranoid , so much so that several years lalu I tried to trick him with a toilet /stink bomb. It failed, OBVIOUSLY since dolphins don't use toilets. (that's the last time I listen to Rico about revenge plans!) For reasons unknown, he enjoys being hand-fed ikan sejak his lobsters, and retains a chirp similar to lumba-lumba, ikan lumba-lumba calls when he says certain vowels when he laughs. He also rides a Segway Pt 76. Private thinks it's just because he was born and raised to be cared for sejak humans and just got used to zoo life, but THAT theory is ridiculous!
His lebih baru-baru ini attack was on the arctic. He tried to melt the Arctic Circle, flooding the earth. Once more, we stopped him. His final attack was last September. Using his "Mind Jacker" to erase my memory, his target was the boys. He planned to make them evil monsters fit to do his bidding using his "Diabologizer". As I washed up somewhere on a deserted island after I was ambushed sejak Hans in Shanghai, my mind created a spirit guide, in the form of Alex, The yak happy lion to help me find my memories and my way home. ( Hmm...sounds like the end of a pixie dust- filled fairy tale!)
The only time Julien created a problem and helped solve it was when I was back at the Zoo after making my way menyeberang, cross country half crazy from having Alex constantly talking to me. I found that one of Kowalski's inventions (some kind of power cell) merged with Julien's MP3 player (he thought it was a battery. What can I say? That's Ringtail for ya.) to create a monster sized machine that forced everyone to sing. Blowhole tried to tame it, but while I distracted him, the boys removed the battery, and erased Blowholes memory. Coney Island welcomed the long awaited return of Flippy the Dolphin- his cheerful, happy-go-lucky "alter-ego". His Flippy personality is a remnant of his pre -Ring- of- api, kebakaran -accident days before he became evil after injuring his eye. He switched back to it after losing his memory, as best i can figure.
Speaking of, Parker, a platypus, and Doris, Blowhole's sister came to us for help recently. As it turns out, that conniving little Mono......Monochromatic.....Mononucleosis....Monowhaddyacallit...Kowalski...what family do platypus belong to?
Monotreme, I believe. GHAA! I can't believe she dated that scumbag! What did she SEE in him?!
Anyways, that conniving little monotreme tricked us into helping Blowhole!Blowhole still thought that he was Flippy ( saat best lumba-lumba, ikan lumba-lumba in Seaville, 3 shows daily, 4 on weekends). Parker then took Blowhole back to his base and the lobsters attempted to get the Mind Jacker out of Blowhole's Segway, which failed until we showed up. We started fighting the lobsters, and Doris decided to sertai in. She had no idea how to operate the segway, and she erased all of our minds until Parker restored Blowhole's and he shackled us to a wall. He restored our memories to have one last gloat, but not before quick-thinking Kowalski knocked him off balance with his tongue. His plan to flood the earth using the moon would have worked if Rico hadn't blown up the laser he planned to use. Eventually, the lab blew up as well. Doris and Kowalski shared a brief, yet passionate kiss.
But i know out there Blowhole is still alive. Arch enemies ALWAYS return, sooner atau later.
Chapter 6: Our base
Well, seeing as this is for my teams earholes only, i think i feel comfortable telling everything.
Our HQ -or "Headquarters" for those of who that aren't in the know of such a highly complex acronym- was built only a few years ago. It was built in preparation for a bunch of seals...or maybe they were sea lions...to alih in, but when we came back to the zoo, we decided we needed our old base back. It wasn't intentionally hollow, but we put it to good use! Facing us are the lemurs, to our left is Marlene's place, the right is the chimps, and behind us are the flamingos, with us in the very center of the zoo.
We started out as only having a tunnel under the ikan bowl , which lead to the former zebra, kuda belang habitat ( the tunnel is still there. it's covered sejak a rock in the current llama habitat). Our base is simple, and comfy, but practical. The main entrance is a ikan bowl ( an old dog dish full of fish, not a glass ikan bowl) covering a hole in the concrete. For some reason, humans and the skeleton crew Alice calls a zoo staff don't notice that we vanish for most of the day!
adder there is a large ikan mounted on a a plaque Membaca "Private's First Prize". On the dinding opposite the mounted fish, there is a Televisyen with a VCR / DVD player, a large radio and megaphone on bahagian, atas of a concrete block and behind those, a jumble of wires, a fork Berlakon for a missing piece of wire, and an electrical box (Kowalski is thorough, but some of his things are makeshift). On the dinding opposite the bunks there are two portholes looking out into the water surrounding our habitat, and a periscope that looks around the outside part of our habitat. On the roof there are many pipes and wires, and a large light. I was also stupid enough to add decorative ceiling spikes.
Behind the only door in our HQ is a small atrium of a room, leading to a series of doors. They contain the following (in order) : an entrance to the zoo, the bathroom, our boiler room (which has a lot of pipes, wires and spikes in the ceiling), Kowalski's lab, our booby trap filled closet, and a staircase in case our elevators fail. We have one elevator going down 12 levels under the table, and another outside of the HQ under a garbage can that leads to the sewers. We don't use that one unless we're willing to risk life and limb getting through strategically placed and extremely dangerous booby traps that even WE can't get past! (hey, i didn't say we were perfect!)
I also have other booby traps and hidden cameras set up.
Private's trophy plaque is similar to our door. It has several tunnels leading to and from a bunch of the other habitats, Private's selamat, peti deposit keselamatan (which swings out of a compartment to block the other portions when the selamat, peti deposit keselamatan is needed). Spoons also shoot out of one of the tunnels if the HQ is under attack A laundry cart, troli and a plastic krat also fall from the room in case of an emergency. I also have a lock down system ; the windows, doors and all other entrances automatically nail and bolt themselves shut. In addition to all that, i have a metal cage that crashes down on the roof of our HQ, and tear gas, and mines, stink bombs and laser trip wires are rigged around the perimeter of the HQ (they're all along the fence of the HQ). There is also an unstable nuclear reactor underneath our pool that could very well destroy the entire city.
There is also a tunnel leading to the lemur Habitat behind the TV.
I also rigged a portion of the dinding that our door shares to swivel out and reveal a dinding of weapons, explosives and chemicals.
The first elevator under the meja, jadual leads to the 12 levels below the main room. Level two is our storage area, three is a UFO, four is a giant creature of unknown and otherwise questionable origins that Kowalski is studying, levels 5 through 12 are classified, and 13 is where Kowalski has his selamat, peti deposit keselamatan (the combination WAS D,O,R,I,S, but he changed it) and his untested inventions.
Our tunnel system is vast and numerous. One contains the cavern where Buck Rockgut was hiding from the Red tupai for 47 years. Tunnel 13B leads to the subway, which Blowhole once crashed through to get to the HQ.
Chapter 7: My Early Life
I grew up in Antarctica with Rico and Kowalski, and we found Private, still an egg, about to be attacked sejak a leopard seal. We rescued him, and bada boom, bada bing, we became a team! Any questions?
I'd tell anda about Denmark and Manfredi and Johnson, but for now that remains classified! Poor Freddy and Johnny...their lives tragically cut short sejak a cruel twist of-
Um...actually, Skipper...
Yes, Kowalski?
I was examining the security camera footage from our escapade in Seaville Aqua Fun Park last July, and Manfredi and Johnson are indeed alive and-
What?! They are?! Eggs and bacon, how did we miss seeing them in Seaville?!
I-i have no idea, sir.
Anything else life changing that anyone wants to tell me?
Um...Skipper?
What is it Private?
Remember when anda went to destroy the Denmark file?
Yes, and my fight to make the ultimate sandwich, sandwic out of two halves of an open-faced one.
So that's what happened!
*warningly* Private.....
Um...never mind....Righty-o. Back to training.
ANYWAY.....
Looking back on my life (and don't get me wrong I still intend to go about living it!) I've done and berkata a lot of crazy things. I haven't had the chance to slap a hippie yet. Hopefully Kowalski can get that time machine fixed after the last time. I speak a bit of Italian. I've learned to play the Spanish gitar after living in Mexico for eight years; I've been in countless car chases and explosions and once woke up in a Kyoto hotel room on a katil of counterfeit Deutschmarks. My point is that I've had one heck of a life!
Anyways... well, i guess that's everything for now. Remember this much... forget everything I've told you! There are no such penguins as Skipper, Kowalski Rico and Private... anda didn't see...um....I mean hear anything!
Epilogue
I've made Friends and enemies, Lost Friends and enemies, Lost my dignity a few times. My Old Man molded me into the bird anda see before anda today . On lebih than one occasion have I found myself in an unusual situation and have had the skill and the know- how to escape. I owe it all to everyone that's has ever crossed paths with me and for that I'm thankful, otherwise who knows what sort of sorry shape I'd be in? But I admit I would be nothing without my men. Guys, thanks for everything and be sure to remember the penguin Code of Honor ...no, not "Never swim in a mix of boiling oil and Bisquick... I mean "Never Swim Alone". Keep that in mind and you'll be fine. I wonder what my life would be like if I never met any of anda , but I stop to remind myself that I'm a Man and Men don't cry atau talk sappy. Kowalski, Rico, Private, it's been a pleasure.
Kowalski, try NOT to blow up the world once we retire. Rico...er...um...keep on...being Rico and enjoy life to the fullest! And Private? Keep up the good work. I couldn't be prouder that anda have your OWN secret life, just like mine! Keep on following in my footsteps and anda may just become team leader when I'm no longer able to do it!
I guess that's everything i can think of. Time to call it a hari and go out for our cute n' cuddly routine!
I'm waving my flippers back and forth now, sinking slowly for dramatic effect....and anda can't even see me, so why am i bothering to do this?
anda didn't see anything!
Skipper out!
*Shuts tape recorder off*
