Rosalie's POV
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I was in the plane. The time flew sejak when I made my decision. Of course I tried to change my mind all the time, so Alice couldn't see me. But believe me, it wasn't easy. I couldn't stop with thinking about what was going to happen. I couldn't stop thinking about my family. I knew that they loved me, and that they tried to help me, but I couldn't sit and cheer myself up. I loved them too, even Jacob and his pack. I couldn't force myself not to leave something. So I left them a letter. I berkata to them that I was gone hunting for a while. It was very hard for me to lie to them. Soon they will know that I was gone.
I couldn't stop thinking about Esme. She already Lost a child once, and she loved us lebih than anything else in the world. I couldn't stop thinking about what kind of effect this will have on her. I knew that sometimes I could be selfish. That sometimes I was selfish. But I can't stay there heartbroken. That would break her too. Every hari she would see the sadness in my face. My weak and emotionless voice. I would never be what I was. Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen McCarty. If I couldn't call myself Mrs. McCarty, than there was no reason for me. I loved Esme like she was biological mother. My real mother didn't really care about me like Esme. She just wanted me to be pretty and marry. She saw my beauty as a gift to deliver her a grandson. She and my father pushed me to Royce. I still think that it was their fault that I'm not human and that I can't have a child. But Esme wasn't like that. She was very motherly and loved me like a real daughter. I was proud that I could be her daughter. She has a special place in my heart.
I thought about Carlisle too. If he wasn't there, I wouldn't even exist as a vampire. He was the one who changed me. His venom was in my body. Carlisle has a special bond with the once he changed. He changed Esme, Edward, me and Emmett. I was always thankful that he changed Emmett for me. I knew that after I was changed, I wasn't the kind of person anda wanna be with. I was furious that he changed me and I hated everyone. Edward was just irritating, Esme wanted always to help me and to be there for me, but I was angry and I didn't wanted any compassion and Carlisle felt guilty for what he did. But after he changed Emmett, I changed too. I started to respect him as my father. I never really thanked him that he changed me, and I wrote that in the letter too. I thanked him that he gave me an other change, I would never forget him. Like Esme, he had a very special place in my heart.
My kegemaran sibling was Jasper. From the first time I saw him, I liked him. He didn't seem annoying like Edward, and he took my last name without any annoyance. He understood my pain and he knew before I berkata something. I didn't wanted to give up my last name. Don't get me wrong, it was a pleasure to be a Cullen, but my last name was the last thing of my human experience. The last thing I had. But if I think about it, it only brought me sadness. Sometimes I wished that Jasper was my real brother, my real twin. He's so understanding and nobody really understand our bond. We have a strong connection together. I can always go to Jasper and talk to him. He listen to me. After Emmett, he was the one who knew me the best. He's always there for me, and other wise too. Like I berkata before, he understood my pain. He knew that my past was a sensitive subject for me. My past would always be a pain for me. I was glad that he came in the family, because I always felt the weak one in the family. Don't get me wrong, Jasper isn't weak, but his past is very sad too. I think that our pasts are the most sad once from the family. I understand him like he understands me. We talked allot with each other about our pasts. We always stand up for the family. Even when Edward started dating Bella, Jasper was at my side. I would never forget Jasper. He was an unique person.
Edward and I maybe fight allot, but that's how we are with each other. We Cinta each other but meanwhile we can rip each other’s head off too. From the first time I heard him speak, he irritated me. Especially with his mind-reader gift. After Emmett and Jasper he knew me the best because of his gift. I was a pain for him when Bella came into the family. I was rude to them, I know, but I already apologized for that. Edward and I aren't each other favorites. Carlisle changed me in the first place so I can be a soul mate for Edward. But we never loved each other like that. Edward never showed any attraction for me. I was used to be adored, I was used that men wanted me. But Edward didn't. That was one of the reasons that I didn't liked Bella first. I didn't wanted him, but the idea that he wanted a normal human girl instead of me shocked me. But after all, we loved each other. Maybe we weren't always like we have to be, but we understand each other. After Renesmee came into the family, we grew together closer. We played Piano often with each other and we talked lebih with each other. We understand each other lebih now. And I started to respect Edward more. I would miss our "piano" times with each other. After all, we shared a passion for music. And I must admit, that if we play with each other, it sounds very good. Edward was a good brother for me, and I didn't wanted to miss him.
Bella and I didn't had a good start. And that was especially because of me. I was jealous that Edward wanted her in the first place, but the fact that she was human made it worse. Especially when she wanted us to vote of her immortality. I was angry that she wanted to throw it away so easy, like it was nothing. I was angry that she didn't understood my feelings, but I was wrong. She did understand me. I was the one who didn't understand her. She didn't wanted to grow up and die, leaving Edward behind. She didn't wanted to get older while Edward would stay forever seventeen. She wanted forever with him. And deep in my heart, I would do the same for Emmett. The one thing that bounded me and Bella the most was, Renesmee. I would never forget that Bella called me. She knew that I longed for children. That I was the one who would do anything to have a child. I didn't had to think twice about helping her. Edward didn't understand me. He was furious, he thought that I was after the baby. That I didn't care if Bella died, that Bella's life was nothing for me. But that wasn't true. I truly loved Bella, she was the wife of my brother. She was the one who mencuri Edward's hati, tengah-tengah and she was the one who made him happy. How could I not Cinta her? I was angry with the fact that Edward wanted an abortion. I didn't care what he thought about me, but it was his child he wanted to kill. His own child. The other reason I helped Bella was that it was her only change to have a child. After her transformation she would never have the change again. It was now atau never. I knew that the pregnancy was hard for her, every time her Bones broke, every time she had to drink human blood, every time looking at her weakness... I truly had respect for her. It hurt me too to look at her while she is so weak, I wanted to help her, to make her feel better. But I couldn't, how much I wished I could, I couldn't. But everything was worth it. If anda look at Renesmee anda think it's an Angel, a miracle. Bella and I maybe didn't had a good start, but I loved her and she loved me back. She was my sister and my friend, and that will never change. I knew that we didn't had the bond she had with Alice, after all, Alice was the one who believed in her. Who went back to her to check if she was alive. Alice was Bella's best friend, and I had to admit, I was jealous about that. But the jealousy disappeared when they asked me to go on a shopping trip with that. It sounds very comment, but the point was, that they wanted me with them. Maybe Bella and I weren't as close as she is with Alice, but I did Cinta her and she was my friend. She always will be.
Alice was my first sister, and she always will be. The first time we met I was a little bit shocked with the pixie that stood in front of me. She knew me sejak the name and she asked me to kedai with her because we were family now. I remembered the hari clearly. I knew that I frowned at her words and that I shook my head in frustration. I was worried and afraid at the same time. Worried because I didn't know who they were and what they wanted from us. Afraid because maybe they were dangerous vampires. Send sejak the volturi atau something. But when I saw what Alice did, when I saw Edward's stuff in the garaj I burst into laughter and I totally wanted them to sertai us. Alice because she seemed very Brave - I mean if anda dare to touch Edward's Muzik collection...- and Jasper because he seemed so relax. Alice is the one who anda can ask for Nasihat about fashion, but she understands too if anda tell her something. I loved Alice from the first time, like I did with Jasper. But when Bella came into the family, Alice was all the time with her. It was like she dump me, like nothing. I couldn't be angry at her, it was who she was. She loved Bella as a sister, and I was jealous about their bound. But that changed when Alice once talked to me. Jasper told her about my jealousy and Edward told her about my thoughts. She came to me and berkata that I would always be her first sister, that we would always have something special because of that. It was a very sensitive talk, but it felt good. She agreed that she was allot with Bella, but we had forever. We went shopping after that and Alice told me that she really did Cinta me. I was very happy after that and we did allot together. Like Alice said, she was my first sister and that would never change.
I sighed deeply at my thoughts. I would miss everyone. I could talk and think hours about Emmett, but it was useless. It would just hurt me more. And I didn't wanted to have lebih pain than I already had - if that was possible -. I looked out of the window. I always liked to fly sejak plane, it made me feel lebih free. I knew that I had super speed and that I was faster, but I liked to fly. To look at the sky. But normally Emmett would sit seterusnya to me, what would made it even lebih funny. But know there was another guy seterusnya to me. He seemed very interested in me. I just tried to ignore him, soon it will be over. I wouldn't exist anymore and Emmett would be happy with his other partner. He wouldn't even think about me and he...
'Miss?' I snapped out of my thoughts and sighed annoyed when I saw that it was the guy who interrupted me. He looked young, maybe twenty. He had dark hair and dimples when he smiled at me. He reminded me a little bit of Emmett. Not much, just his dark hair and his dimples. He wasn't very pretty and I didn't like his aftershave, at all.
'What?' I asked him. I couldn't hide the annoyance in my voice. He just irritated me so much that I wanted to rip his head off and burn the pieces. He should know better. If he knew what I could do with him. That I was stronger and faster than he could ever imagine. I could kill all the people in this plane in less than a hour.
'Do anda want any drink?' he asked eager at me. He pointed at the stewardess who looked curious at me. I just shook my head and turned my head so I could look out of the window again. 'Miss?' I heard the guy again. I sighed irritated again and turned angry my head. I was starting to get angry, and believe me, if you're human and I'm angry, than you're in danger. Maybe danger wasn't the good word to explain it. The guy ignored my "signs" that I tried to tunjuk him. Signs like "leave me alone" atau "I don't like you".
'I thought maybe we could do something, maybe anda can give me your number?' the guy tried to smile sweetly at me. If I didn't knew better I would think that he was a menyeberang, cross between a kambing biri-biri and a cow when he smiled.
I frowned and I opened my mouth to yell at him that he has to leave me alone and that I would rip his head off if he ever talked to me again but then I invent something. If Emmett could tarikh other women why couldn't I tarikh any guys? Not that I was really going to tarikh him, but giving him my number wouldn't do anything. sejak the time that he thinks about calling me I would be death. So why not? I mean I have not to lose, haven't I? He was just irritating and annoying.
'Sure,' I smiled fake at him and he seemed like he was going to jump out of the plane from happiness. Poor guy. I gave him the number and I shook my head when he wanted to give his number. I didn't need it, I wasn't going to use it atau something. I turned my head and sighed when I heard someone through the speaker. We were going to land. I didn't knew if I had to be happy atau afraid. Happy because about a few hours atau maybe less than a hour, I would be rid of the pain. atau afraid because I wouldn't even dare to think about the pain that will cause to kill me.
'I will call you,' the guy smiled at me while he spoke. He took his bags and winked at me before walking out of the plane. I almost made a noise of disgust when he winked of me. If Vampires could get sick, I would be already hanging above the toilet. Throwing up. I walked out of the plane and looked at the sky. The sun didn't shine, but it didn't rain either. I hope it will happen soon. I wondered what the others were doing. I made my decision and changing my mind didn't help anymore to block Alice from seeing my future.
I decided to steal a car. That would be my last "vampire action" from my life. I was going to miss my life, to miss my family. I was going to miss everything. I didn't knew what was after the death, but soon I would know. Soon I would find out. I wasn't going to regret my decision atau something, but everyone would be afraid if death was so close. Even if it's your own decision. I would always Cinta Emmett, even if he didn't Cinta me back. I would never forget him.
I was riding in the Toyota I stole. I suddenly gasped when I saw that my wedding ring missed. But I remembered that I throw it away. It was still weird that after all those years wearing it, that it was gone. I was used to it and I loved it. It was the most costly and beautiful jewel I had. And the idea of it in the sea wasn't making it any better. Maybe that wasn't a good idea. I could resist myself from dry sobbing again, I was so weak. I was used to feel strong as a vampire, to be strong. Feeling weak wasn't part of me.
I almost gasped when I saw Volterra. I didn't knew everything was going to happen so fast. When I was still in Forks, a minit seemed a day, a jam seemed a week, a hari seemed a year. And now everything was going to fast. If my hati, tengah-tengah could still beat, than it would almost jump out of my chest. I sighed and bit my bottom lip when I arrived in Volterra. Nothing changed through the years. I parked the car and I stepped slowly out of it. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe I should go back and do what Bella said. alih on.
No Rosalie, anda can't. anda made your decision, anda can't go back. Who is waiting for anda at home? Emmett?
I closed my eyes at the harshly voice in my head. The words sneered through my thoughts and through my doubts. I sighed again and I walked with confidence to the door from the place where the volturi lived. It was now atau never, and I chose now. I knocked at the door and before I could count to three the door opened. I looked right into the eyes of death. But oddly enough, I wasn't afraid. Because that's what I had to be. My life had no reason anymore, so why should I be scared if this was what I had to be? I closed my eyes during my thoughts. I opened again and nothing changed. Death was still in front of me.
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I was in the plane. The time flew sejak when I made my decision. Of course I tried to change my mind all the time, so Alice couldn't see me. But believe me, it wasn't easy. I couldn't stop with thinking about what was going to happen. I couldn't stop thinking about my family. I knew that they loved me, and that they tried to help me, but I couldn't sit and cheer myself up. I loved them too, even Jacob and his pack. I couldn't force myself not to leave something. So I left them a letter. I berkata to them that I was gone hunting for a while. It was very hard for me to lie to them. Soon they will know that I was gone.
I couldn't stop thinking about Esme. She already Lost a child once, and she loved us lebih than anything else in the world. I couldn't stop thinking about what kind of effect this will have on her. I knew that sometimes I could be selfish. That sometimes I was selfish. But I can't stay there heartbroken. That would break her too. Every hari she would see the sadness in my face. My weak and emotionless voice. I would never be what I was. Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen McCarty. If I couldn't call myself Mrs. McCarty, than there was no reason for me. I loved Esme like she was biological mother. My real mother didn't really care about me like Esme. She just wanted me to be pretty and marry. She saw my beauty as a gift to deliver her a grandson. She and my father pushed me to Royce. I still think that it was their fault that I'm not human and that I can't have a child. But Esme wasn't like that. She was very motherly and loved me like a real daughter. I was proud that I could be her daughter. She has a special place in my heart.
I thought about Carlisle too. If he wasn't there, I wouldn't even exist as a vampire. He was the one who changed me. His venom was in my body. Carlisle has a special bond with the once he changed. He changed Esme, Edward, me and Emmett. I was always thankful that he changed Emmett for me. I knew that after I was changed, I wasn't the kind of person anda wanna be with. I was furious that he changed me and I hated everyone. Edward was just irritating, Esme wanted always to help me and to be there for me, but I was angry and I didn't wanted any compassion and Carlisle felt guilty for what he did. But after he changed Emmett, I changed too. I started to respect him as my father. I never really thanked him that he changed me, and I wrote that in the letter too. I thanked him that he gave me an other change, I would never forget him. Like Esme, he had a very special place in my heart.
My kegemaran sibling was Jasper. From the first time I saw him, I liked him. He didn't seem annoying like Edward, and he took my last name without any annoyance. He understood my pain and he knew before I berkata something. I didn't wanted to give up my last name. Don't get me wrong, it was a pleasure to be a Cullen, but my last name was the last thing of my human experience. The last thing I had. But if I think about it, it only brought me sadness. Sometimes I wished that Jasper was my real brother, my real twin. He's so understanding and nobody really understand our bond. We have a strong connection together. I can always go to Jasper and talk to him. He listen to me. After Emmett, he was the one who knew me the best. He's always there for me, and other wise too. Like I berkata before, he understood my pain. He knew that my past was a sensitive subject for me. My past would always be a pain for me. I was glad that he came in the family, because I always felt the weak one in the family. Don't get me wrong, Jasper isn't weak, but his past is very sad too. I think that our pasts are the most sad once from the family. I understand him like he understands me. We talked allot with each other about our pasts. We always stand up for the family. Even when Edward started dating Bella, Jasper was at my side. I would never forget Jasper. He was an unique person.
Edward and I maybe fight allot, but that's how we are with each other. We Cinta each other but meanwhile we can rip each other’s head off too. From the first time I heard him speak, he irritated me. Especially with his mind-reader gift. After Emmett and Jasper he knew me the best because of his gift. I was a pain for him when Bella came into the family. I was rude to them, I know, but I already apologized for that. Edward and I aren't each other favorites. Carlisle changed me in the first place so I can be a soul mate for Edward. But we never loved each other like that. Edward never showed any attraction for me. I was used to be adored, I was used that men wanted me. But Edward didn't. That was one of the reasons that I didn't liked Bella first. I didn't wanted him, but the idea that he wanted a normal human girl instead of me shocked me. But after all, we loved each other. Maybe we weren't always like we have to be, but we understand each other. After Renesmee came into the family, we grew together closer. We played Piano often with each other and we talked lebih with each other. We understand each other lebih now. And I started to respect Edward more. I would miss our "piano" times with each other. After all, we shared a passion for music. And I must admit, that if we play with each other, it sounds very good. Edward was a good brother for me, and I didn't wanted to miss him.
Bella and I didn't had a good start. And that was especially because of me. I was jealous that Edward wanted her in the first place, but the fact that she was human made it worse. Especially when she wanted us to vote of her immortality. I was angry that she wanted to throw it away so easy, like it was nothing. I was angry that she didn't understood my feelings, but I was wrong. She did understand me. I was the one who didn't understand her. She didn't wanted to grow up and die, leaving Edward behind. She didn't wanted to get older while Edward would stay forever seventeen. She wanted forever with him. And deep in my heart, I would do the same for Emmett. The one thing that bounded me and Bella the most was, Renesmee. I would never forget that Bella called me. She knew that I longed for children. That I was the one who would do anything to have a child. I didn't had to think twice about helping her. Edward didn't understand me. He was furious, he thought that I was after the baby. That I didn't care if Bella died, that Bella's life was nothing for me. But that wasn't true. I truly loved Bella, she was the wife of my brother. She was the one who mencuri Edward's hati, tengah-tengah and she was the one who made him happy. How could I not Cinta her? I was angry with the fact that Edward wanted an abortion. I didn't care what he thought about me, but it was his child he wanted to kill. His own child. The other reason I helped Bella was that it was her only change to have a child. After her transformation she would never have the change again. It was now atau never. I knew that the pregnancy was hard for her, every time her Bones broke, every time she had to drink human blood, every time looking at her weakness... I truly had respect for her. It hurt me too to look at her while she is so weak, I wanted to help her, to make her feel better. But I couldn't, how much I wished I could, I couldn't. But everything was worth it. If anda look at Renesmee anda think it's an Angel, a miracle. Bella and I maybe didn't had a good start, but I loved her and she loved me back. She was my sister and my friend, and that will never change. I knew that we didn't had the bond she had with Alice, after all, Alice was the one who believed in her. Who went back to her to check if she was alive. Alice was Bella's best friend, and I had to admit, I was jealous about that. But the jealousy disappeared when they asked me to go on a shopping trip with that. It sounds very comment, but the point was, that they wanted me with them. Maybe Bella and I weren't as close as she is with Alice, but I did Cinta her and she was my friend. She always will be.
Alice was my first sister, and she always will be. The first time we met I was a little bit shocked with the pixie that stood in front of me. She knew me sejak the name and she asked me to kedai with her because we were family now. I remembered the hari clearly. I knew that I frowned at her words and that I shook my head in frustration. I was worried and afraid at the same time. Worried because I didn't know who they were and what they wanted from us. Afraid because maybe they were dangerous vampires. Send sejak the volturi atau something. But when I saw what Alice did, when I saw Edward's stuff in the garaj I burst into laughter and I totally wanted them to sertai us. Alice because she seemed very Brave - I mean if anda dare to touch Edward's Muzik collection...- and Jasper because he seemed so relax. Alice is the one who anda can ask for Nasihat about fashion, but she understands too if anda tell her something. I loved Alice from the first time, like I did with Jasper. But when Bella came into the family, Alice was all the time with her. It was like she dump me, like nothing. I couldn't be angry at her, it was who she was. She loved Bella as a sister, and I was jealous about their bound. But that changed when Alice once talked to me. Jasper told her about my jealousy and Edward told her about my thoughts. She came to me and berkata that I would always be her first sister, that we would always have something special because of that. It was a very sensitive talk, but it felt good. She agreed that she was allot with Bella, but we had forever. We went shopping after that and Alice told me that she really did Cinta me. I was very happy after that and we did allot together. Like Alice said, she was my first sister and that would never change.
I sighed deeply at my thoughts. I would miss everyone. I could talk and think hours about Emmett, but it was useless. It would just hurt me more. And I didn't wanted to have lebih pain than I already had - if that was possible -. I looked out of the window. I always liked to fly sejak plane, it made me feel lebih free. I knew that I had super speed and that I was faster, but I liked to fly. To look at the sky. But normally Emmett would sit seterusnya to me, what would made it even lebih funny. But know there was another guy seterusnya to me. He seemed very interested in me. I just tried to ignore him, soon it will be over. I wouldn't exist anymore and Emmett would be happy with his other partner. He wouldn't even think about me and he...
'Miss?' I snapped out of my thoughts and sighed annoyed when I saw that it was the guy who interrupted me. He looked young, maybe twenty. He had dark hair and dimples when he smiled at me. He reminded me a little bit of Emmett. Not much, just his dark hair and his dimples. He wasn't very pretty and I didn't like his aftershave, at all.
'What?' I asked him. I couldn't hide the annoyance in my voice. He just irritated me so much that I wanted to rip his head off and burn the pieces. He should know better. If he knew what I could do with him. That I was stronger and faster than he could ever imagine. I could kill all the people in this plane in less than a hour.
'Do anda want any drink?' he asked eager at me. He pointed at the stewardess who looked curious at me. I just shook my head and turned my head so I could look out of the window again. 'Miss?' I heard the guy again. I sighed irritated again and turned angry my head. I was starting to get angry, and believe me, if you're human and I'm angry, than you're in danger. Maybe danger wasn't the good word to explain it. The guy ignored my "signs" that I tried to tunjuk him. Signs like "leave me alone" atau "I don't like you".
'I thought maybe we could do something, maybe anda can give me your number?' the guy tried to smile sweetly at me. If I didn't knew better I would think that he was a menyeberang, cross between a kambing biri-biri and a cow when he smiled.
I frowned and I opened my mouth to yell at him that he has to leave me alone and that I would rip his head off if he ever talked to me again but then I invent something. If Emmett could tarikh other women why couldn't I tarikh any guys? Not that I was really going to tarikh him, but giving him my number wouldn't do anything. sejak the time that he thinks about calling me I would be death. So why not? I mean I have not to lose, haven't I? He was just irritating and annoying.
'Sure,' I smiled fake at him and he seemed like he was going to jump out of the plane from happiness. Poor guy. I gave him the number and I shook my head when he wanted to give his number. I didn't need it, I wasn't going to use it atau something. I turned my head and sighed when I heard someone through the speaker. We were going to land. I didn't knew if I had to be happy atau afraid. Happy because about a few hours atau maybe less than a hour, I would be rid of the pain. atau afraid because I wouldn't even dare to think about the pain that will cause to kill me.
'I will call you,' the guy smiled at me while he spoke. He took his bags and winked at me before walking out of the plane. I almost made a noise of disgust when he winked of me. If Vampires could get sick, I would be already hanging above the toilet. Throwing up. I walked out of the plane and looked at the sky. The sun didn't shine, but it didn't rain either. I hope it will happen soon. I wondered what the others were doing. I made my decision and changing my mind didn't help anymore to block Alice from seeing my future.
I decided to steal a car. That would be my last "vampire action" from my life. I was going to miss my life, to miss my family. I was going to miss everything. I didn't knew what was after the death, but soon I would know. Soon I would find out. I wasn't going to regret my decision atau something, but everyone would be afraid if death was so close. Even if it's your own decision. I would always Cinta Emmett, even if he didn't Cinta me back. I would never forget him.
I was riding in the Toyota I stole. I suddenly gasped when I saw that my wedding ring missed. But I remembered that I throw it away. It was still weird that after all those years wearing it, that it was gone. I was used to it and I loved it. It was the most costly and beautiful jewel I had. And the idea of it in the sea wasn't making it any better. Maybe that wasn't a good idea. I could resist myself from dry sobbing again, I was so weak. I was used to feel strong as a vampire, to be strong. Feeling weak wasn't part of me.
I almost gasped when I saw Volterra. I didn't knew everything was going to happen so fast. When I was still in Forks, a minit seemed a day, a jam seemed a week, a hari seemed a year. And now everything was going to fast. If my hati, tengah-tengah could still beat, than it would almost jump out of my chest. I sighed and bit my bottom lip when I arrived in Volterra. Nothing changed through the years. I parked the car and I stepped slowly out of it. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe I should go back and do what Bella said. alih on.
No Rosalie, anda can't. anda made your decision, anda can't go back. Who is waiting for anda at home? Emmett?
I closed my eyes at the harshly voice in my head. The words sneered through my thoughts and through my doubts. I sighed again and I walked with confidence to the door from the place where the volturi lived. It was now atau never, and I chose now. I knocked at the door and before I could count to three the door opened. I looked right into the eyes of death. But oddly enough, I wasn't afraid. Because that's what I had to be. My life had no reason anymore, so why should I be scared if this was what I had to be? I closed my eyes during my thoughts. I opened again and nothing changed. Death was still in front of me.