1. If anda face in a certain direction so that there are a lot of people, objects, shiny surfaces, and/or anda can see really far, time may slow down and your vision will become choppy.
2. Sometimes if anda go somewhere you’re “not supposed to be” anda may fall through the ground and find yourself falling through a void, with the world as anda know it rapidly disappearing into the distance above.
3. Turtles and mushrooms can kill anda just sejak touching anda anywhere other than the bottom of your feet.
4. While on a tarikh with a girl, just barely brushing a pedestrian with your car accidentally will ruin your tarikh fast. However, the same girl will have no problem with helping anda intentionally steal as many cars as anda want.
5. anda can only have unclothed sex after applying a patch.
6. No matter how heinous a crime anda pull, even directly in front of cops, they will forget what anda look like and what car anda sped off in if anda stay out of their sight for 20 seconds.
7. Regardless of shoe type, the soles are always so slippery that standing on any slope greater than 45 degrees will cause anda to slide like an ice skater downhill.
8. Some types of molten lava will not kill you, even if anda fall completely in, as long as anda jump out quickly.
9. Whenever anda find a valuable item lying around in a dark corner, a short musical flourish will come from nowhere. Warning: anda will become addicted to that sound.
10. If you’re ever in a shootout and firing near cover, anda may find that even though anda have clear line-of-sight to your opponent’s head, your bullets are bouncing off some invisible force near the cover anda are hiding behind. Moving sideways a few inches will alleviate the problem.
11. Reloading a gun when only one bullet has been expended won't waste the other bullets left in the clip that anda have just tossed on the ground. Also, the clip casing itself will disappear the moment it leaves your hand, resulting in no messy cleanup.
12. At some unknown point in history a brilliant scientist invented indestructible glass. Not just bulletproof, but even point-blank rocket launcher proof. Also, this glass managed to replace a large portion of the world’s windows without anybody noticing atau having to pay a fee for the installation.
13. Whoever came up with the Periodic meja, jadual is an idiot and a fraud. There are obviously only 4 elements.
14. It’s possible to be in full daylight outdoors without the Sun visible anywhere in the sky.
15. Even if anda are an obviously experienced warrior, you’ll need someone to teach anda how to jump in the air while pointing your sword downward, and another person to teach anda about pointing your sword upward.
16. Every woman in the world who isn’t a one-woman super assassin army needs to be rescued.
17. Typewriters are actually temporal devices that anda can return to after dying atau making a mistake, as long as anda type the tarikh and time into them.
18. Shotguns will still be in common use even thousands of years into the future, despite advances in energy-weapon technology and armor plating. The reason, of course, is that shotguns are awesome.
19. If you’re a soldier in a war and anda use every tactic and weapon anda can to stay alive and kill the enemy, some of the people anda killed will call anda “cheap” from beyond the grave, possibly even haunting anda with accusations of how “skill-less” anda are.
20. If you’re in a martial arts tournament and are about to lose, anda can quit at the last saat and your opponent will be telah diberi the loss on his record. Whether your dignity remains untarnished is another matter.
21. Telekinetic aliens have a really, really hard time getting out of holes in the ground.
22. In medieval times, the only thing knights wore under their armor was polka-dot boxer, berdan shorts.
23. Superman is actually vulnerable to a whole lot lebih than kryptonite. He also can’t fly wherever he wants, and instead must fly through giant floating rings. Overall, being Superman sucks.
24. If anda uppercut someone hard enough, huge globs of coagulated blood will fly out of nowhere in particular on their body, leaving no noticeable wound.
25. If anda uppercut someone just a bit harder, their head may fly off, atau their entire body may fly straight through the ceiling. If they aren’t dead yet, you’ll have to leap up through the ceiling to finish the fight.
26. In the future, the most skilled soldiers will enter battle heavily armored, but not wear helmets.
27. Most people can survive indefinitely without eating, while others will die in a few minit without food.
28. anda can sleep at any time of the hari regardless of how recently anda last slept. However, anda can only sleep in certain designated beds.
29. Storekeepers don’t care if anda go behind the counter and rummage around in everything, as long as anda don’t actually take anything. Some will even let anda take things without paying, as long as berkata things are in shiny chests atau pots located somewhere in front of the counter.
30. If anda torture a chicken long enough, his posse will come for revenge.
31. Every time anda enter your house, you’ll have to wait a while before anda can see the inside.
32. anda can grab and easily shake a full-grown pokok with a batang that is two feet thick, and delicious Buah will come raining down.
33. If anda crouch in a slightly shadowy area, people facing anda from two feet away cannot see you.
34. Most trained guards cannot see lebih than 50 feet in front of them, cannot hear a massive gunfight happening a few rooms away, and will often stop in the middle of a patrol to stare at a blank dinding with their back facing a long hallway.
35. Personality means never saying a word.
36. Wardrobe malfunctions never happen during strenuous activity because all women glue their clothes on.
37. Everything you’ve used can be sold back for exactly half price, regardless of the item’s condition.
38. Walking takes too long; jogging is the preferred method of transport, even when moving only a few feet.
39. anda can only sprint for about five seconds, after which you’ll be so winded you’ll be panting like a dog. However, in another five seconds, anda can sprint at full speed again.
40. Stairs only look like right-angled ascending platforms. In reality, they are just a smooth slope upon which anda can plant your feet anywhere.
41. If anda come to a huge pile of junk, sarap blocking an alley, even though it looks easily climbable, don’t even bother. Obviously, this is the end of the universe.
42. Even though zombies are created sejak a virus, being bitten sejak one will never infect you. anda may need to eat some commonly potted herbs to take care of the wound, though.
43. Wild Haiwan are all extremely aggressive. When going into uncivilized areas, carry a gun and shoot everything that moves before it can attack you.
44. It’s pretty easy to kill twenty terrorists with your bare hands…
45. ...but forget about jumping over a two-foot sandbag.
46. Cops don’t care how many cars anda smash into right in front of them, as long as it’s not theirs.
47. Cops don’t understand the concept of license plates. A fresh paint job will fool them every time.
48. Combined arms in war is not always the most effective strategy. Often massing a single type of unit is better.
49. An entire fortified outpost can be constructed in a matter of minutes, even directly in front of an enemy base and while under attack.
50. When establishing colonies in new lands, often the best approach is to train a few crack troops while scouting for potential threats, and then sending a small force to attack the closest town as quickly as possible. Be sure to order your troops to kill anyone carrying atau building anything first.
51. A wooden stake is not, in fact, the weapon of choice when going up against vampires. A whip is.
52. If a person offers to pay anda to go out and collect 20 widgets and then bring them back to him, it’s not a job, it’s entertainment.
53. Being a rock bintang doesn’t require creativity atau talent, just dexterity and timing.
54. The spikier your hair, the lebih power anda have.
55. Choosing one emotion and channeling it 24/7 counts as personality.
56. If your pseudo-philosophical babbling doesn’t appear effective in impressing someone, just pile on lebih jargon and bigger words. No one will notice.
57. Pausing for a long time between sentences isn’t awkward at all, and sounds totally natural, since everyone else does it.
58. Never trust the Nasihat of someone helping anda out of some dire situation via an earpiece atau speaker system.
59. Every military, police, atau Special Forces squad has one member that is smarter, lebih skilled, and harder to kill than the others.
60. Going through life-threatening experiences doesn’t just make anda wiser, it also makes anda stronger, faster, and increasingly impervious to harm.
61. Most clothing never needs to be washed, cannot be damaged in any way, and won’t create awkward stares if anda wear the same outfit every day.
62. Hypothermia is a medical hoax. Go ahead and wear short-shorts in Antarctica.
63. It’s possible to climb a ladder without using your arms. This is especially useful if anda are carrying a huge gun.
64. Armies of every era have required their soldiers to be telepathic so they can respond to orders instantly and alih in large groups with perfect simultaneous coordination.
65. Still, a single highly-trained telepathic soldier sometimes just cannot figure out how to get from point A to B, despite having a pretty damn clear path.
66. Nobody in the world actually mourns a loved one’s death for lebih than ten seconds.
67. Strangely, though, for some reason studies have shown revenge for a loved one’s death to be the number-one motivation for the epidemic of one-man killing sprees plaguing mankind.
68. Your arms will never get tired even if anda hold a Gatling gun perfectly straight out in front of anda for hours on end.
69. In the future, soldiers will be sent into combat situations without a way to clip a light onto their gun, helmet, atau any other hands-free device. Also, duct tape will be eradicated from existence some time earlier.
70. Successfully catching a ikan doesn’t take NEARLY as long as everyone claims.
71. Most cars actually require no gas at all.
72. If anda are ever in a situation where anda have to help someone escape danger, take a deep breath and try to resist becoming angry at this person. A psychological phenomenon known as IDS, atau “Idiocy in Danger Syndrome” reduces anyone to total incompetence in such a situation, no matter how intelligent they appear to be.
73. For reasons scientist have still failed to explain, it’s possible to jump off of pure air, but only once after initially jumping off the ground.
74. World War II was not won sejak numerous countries coordinating attacks across the globe, but rather sejak a single jack-hole with a gun. berkata jack-hole’s identity varies depending on the source.
75. Carrying around 200 lbs of weight will not hinder anda at all. However, carrying 201 lbs will prevent anda from moving an inch.
76. Sometimes the recently departed are prone to seizures if their bodies happen to be touching walls atau other objects.
77. It’s possible that while looking at surfaces from certain angles, huge portions may suddenly stretch, flicker, atau jiggle. STAY CALM. anda are not on drugs.
78. If you’re participating in an illegal jalan race and anda don’t do well, all of your opponents don’t mind racing again and again so that anda can eventually win.
79. If anda are a security guard and all of your fellow guards disappear, it is perfectly fine to cari for an intruder for thirty seconds, then return to your normal cari route, on your own, at midnight, while anda know a murderer is on the loose and has been sighted within 5 meters of anda in the last few minutes.
80. If you’re ever hard up for cash, just go cut down any tall rumput anda see.
81. Boomerangs are in fact extremely useful tools and potentially deadly weapons, and not crappy toys that fall on the ground every time anda throw them.
82. Performing a stunt in the middle of a race is not a dangerous and risky display of poor sportsmanship, but in fact allows anda to go even faster.
83. Cars with official corporate logos on them are indestructible...
84. …generic rip-offs, however, will smash into a crumpled wad while hitting a tree.
85. If you’re in a life-threatening situation, try focusing really hard. anda may experience a slowing down of time, atau possibly a nice glowing color indicating danger atau safety.
86. Shooting someone in the chest at point-blank range with a semi-automatic senapang may not kill them sometimes, but smacking them with the butt of the same senapang will induce death every single time.
87. anda can walk down the jalan with a fully automatic weapon and not even get a saat glance from the police.
88. All small electronics like radios, earpieces, and cell phones will work no matter how much water anda swim through. Also, all guns, medicinal herbs, alchemic powders, paper documents, and explosives are equally waterproof.
89. A night in jail is usually enough to have your trial ready the hari after, and even the worst crimes generally result in a small fine.
90. Hacking into high-security areas does not require extensive training and expertise, but rather the ability to solve simple shape-sliding atau color-matching puzzles.
91. If a mayor wants to demolish someone’s house to put a big statue of himself there instead, it's perfectly acceptable to do so. In fact, it will increase the mayor’s approval rating from the adjacent home-owners.
92. As long as a military general kills lebih of the enemy than his own troops, he is considered an unqualified success.
93. anda can behave like a psychotic a-hole one moment, and then lay on the syrupy Cinta the next, and no one will think you’re crazy, atau even remember what anda berkata ten saat ago.
94. It is a great idea to pick up Rawak syringes off of vending machines and inject yourself to find out what happens.
95. 95% of all doors in the world are locked atau jammed shut and cannot be opened sejak any conventional means.
96. Every conspicuously tall building in the Middle East has a hay-cart sitting directly under it, so feel free to dive off of every one.
97. In modern warfare, the only way to win is sejak advancing, because the enemy will never run out of troops otherwise.
98. Have fantasies of being a police officer, ambulans driver, fireman, atau cab driver? Just steal one of the appropriate vehicles. No one at dispatch will wonder why their usual driver’s voice suddenly changed.
99. If you’re ever stuck in a burning building, find something red to wear. Red clothing usually denotes some measure of heat protection.
100. Every product in the world is priced in whole dollars. Pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters do not exist.
101. Death is never permanent. Even if it were, anda could always just kill him.
2. Sometimes if anda go somewhere you’re “not supposed to be” anda may fall through the ground and find yourself falling through a void, with the world as anda know it rapidly disappearing into the distance above.
3. Turtles and mushrooms can kill anda just sejak touching anda anywhere other than the bottom of your feet.
4. While on a tarikh with a girl, just barely brushing a pedestrian with your car accidentally will ruin your tarikh fast. However, the same girl will have no problem with helping anda intentionally steal as many cars as anda want.
5. anda can only have unclothed sex after applying a patch.
6. No matter how heinous a crime anda pull, even directly in front of cops, they will forget what anda look like and what car anda sped off in if anda stay out of their sight for 20 seconds.
7. Regardless of shoe type, the soles are always so slippery that standing on any slope greater than 45 degrees will cause anda to slide like an ice skater downhill.
8. Some types of molten lava will not kill you, even if anda fall completely in, as long as anda jump out quickly.
9. Whenever anda find a valuable item lying around in a dark corner, a short musical flourish will come from nowhere. Warning: anda will become addicted to that sound.
10. If you’re ever in a shootout and firing near cover, anda may find that even though anda have clear line-of-sight to your opponent’s head, your bullets are bouncing off some invisible force near the cover anda are hiding behind. Moving sideways a few inches will alleviate the problem.
11. Reloading a gun when only one bullet has been expended won't waste the other bullets left in the clip that anda have just tossed on the ground. Also, the clip casing itself will disappear the moment it leaves your hand, resulting in no messy cleanup.
12. At some unknown point in history a brilliant scientist invented indestructible glass. Not just bulletproof, but even point-blank rocket launcher proof. Also, this glass managed to replace a large portion of the world’s windows without anybody noticing atau having to pay a fee for the installation.
13. Whoever came up with the Periodic meja, jadual is an idiot and a fraud. There are obviously only 4 elements.
14. It’s possible to be in full daylight outdoors without the Sun visible anywhere in the sky.
15. Even if anda are an obviously experienced warrior, you’ll need someone to teach anda how to jump in the air while pointing your sword downward, and another person to teach anda about pointing your sword upward.
16. Every woman in the world who isn’t a one-woman super assassin army needs to be rescued.
17. Typewriters are actually temporal devices that anda can return to after dying atau making a mistake, as long as anda type the tarikh and time into them.
18. Shotguns will still be in common use even thousands of years into the future, despite advances in energy-weapon technology and armor plating. The reason, of course, is that shotguns are awesome.
19. If you’re a soldier in a war and anda use every tactic and weapon anda can to stay alive and kill the enemy, some of the people anda killed will call anda “cheap” from beyond the grave, possibly even haunting anda with accusations of how “skill-less” anda are.
20. If you’re in a martial arts tournament and are about to lose, anda can quit at the last saat and your opponent will be telah diberi the loss on his record. Whether your dignity remains untarnished is another matter.
21. Telekinetic aliens have a really, really hard time getting out of holes in the ground.
22. In medieval times, the only thing knights wore under their armor was polka-dot boxer, berdan shorts.
23. Superman is actually vulnerable to a whole lot lebih than kryptonite. He also can’t fly wherever he wants, and instead must fly through giant floating rings. Overall, being Superman sucks.
24. If anda uppercut someone hard enough, huge globs of coagulated blood will fly out of nowhere in particular on their body, leaving no noticeable wound.
25. If anda uppercut someone just a bit harder, their head may fly off, atau their entire body may fly straight through the ceiling. If they aren’t dead yet, you’ll have to leap up through the ceiling to finish the fight.
26. In the future, the most skilled soldiers will enter battle heavily armored, but not wear helmets.
27. Most people can survive indefinitely without eating, while others will die in a few minit without food.
28. anda can sleep at any time of the hari regardless of how recently anda last slept. However, anda can only sleep in certain designated beds.
29. Storekeepers don’t care if anda go behind the counter and rummage around in everything, as long as anda don’t actually take anything. Some will even let anda take things without paying, as long as berkata things are in shiny chests atau pots located somewhere in front of the counter.
30. If anda torture a chicken long enough, his posse will come for revenge.
31. Every time anda enter your house, you’ll have to wait a while before anda can see the inside.
32. anda can grab and easily shake a full-grown pokok with a batang that is two feet thick, and delicious Buah will come raining down.
33. If anda crouch in a slightly shadowy area, people facing anda from two feet away cannot see you.
34. Most trained guards cannot see lebih than 50 feet in front of them, cannot hear a massive gunfight happening a few rooms away, and will often stop in the middle of a patrol to stare at a blank dinding with their back facing a long hallway.
35. Personality means never saying a word.
36. Wardrobe malfunctions never happen during strenuous activity because all women glue their clothes on.
37. Everything you’ve used can be sold back for exactly half price, regardless of the item’s condition.
38. Walking takes too long; jogging is the preferred method of transport, even when moving only a few feet.
39. anda can only sprint for about five seconds, after which you’ll be so winded you’ll be panting like a dog. However, in another five seconds, anda can sprint at full speed again.
40. Stairs only look like right-angled ascending platforms. In reality, they are just a smooth slope upon which anda can plant your feet anywhere.
41. If anda come to a huge pile of junk, sarap blocking an alley, even though it looks easily climbable, don’t even bother. Obviously, this is the end of the universe.
42. Even though zombies are created sejak a virus, being bitten sejak one will never infect you. anda may need to eat some commonly potted herbs to take care of the wound, though.
43. Wild Haiwan are all extremely aggressive. When going into uncivilized areas, carry a gun and shoot everything that moves before it can attack you.
44. It’s pretty easy to kill twenty terrorists with your bare hands…
45. ...but forget about jumping over a two-foot sandbag.
46. Cops don’t care how many cars anda smash into right in front of them, as long as it’s not theirs.
47. Cops don’t understand the concept of license plates. A fresh paint job will fool them every time.
48. Combined arms in war is not always the most effective strategy. Often massing a single type of unit is better.
49. An entire fortified outpost can be constructed in a matter of minutes, even directly in front of an enemy base and while under attack.
50. When establishing colonies in new lands, often the best approach is to train a few crack troops while scouting for potential threats, and then sending a small force to attack the closest town as quickly as possible. Be sure to order your troops to kill anyone carrying atau building anything first.
51. A wooden stake is not, in fact, the weapon of choice when going up against vampires. A whip is.
52. If a person offers to pay anda to go out and collect 20 widgets and then bring them back to him, it’s not a job, it’s entertainment.
53. Being a rock bintang doesn’t require creativity atau talent, just dexterity and timing.
54. The spikier your hair, the lebih power anda have.
55. Choosing one emotion and channeling it 24/7 counts as personality.
56. If your pseudo-philosophical babbling doesn’t appear effective in impressing someone, just pile on lebih jargon and bigger words. No one will notice.
57. Pausing for a long time between sentences isn’t awkward at all, and sounds totally natural, since everyone else does it.
58. Never trust the Nasihat of someone helping anda out of some dire situation via an earpiece atau speaker system.
59. Every military, police, atau Special Forces squad has one member that is smarter, lebih skilled, and harder to kill than the others.
60. Going through life-threatening experiences doesn’t just make anda wiser, it also makes anda stronger, faster, and increasingly impervious to harm.
61. Most clothing never needs to be washed, cannot be damaged in any way, and won’t create awkward stares if anda wear the same outfit every day.
62. Hypothermia is a medical hoax. Go ahead and wear short-shorts in Antarctica.
63. It’s possible to climb a ladder without using your arms. This is especially useful if anda are carrying a huge gun.
64. Armies of every era have required their soldiers to be telepathic so they can respond to orders instantly and alih in large groups with perfect simultaneous coordination.
65. Still, a single highly-trained telepathic soldier sometimes just cannot figure out how to get from point A to B, despite having a pretty damn clear path.
66. Nobody in the world actually mourns a loved one’s death for lebih than ten seconds.
67. Strangely, though, for some reason studies have shown revenge for a loved one’s death to be the number-one motivation for the epidemic of one-man killing sprees plaguing mankind.
68. Your arms will never get tired even if anda hold a Gatling gun perfectly straight out in front of anda for hours on end.
69. In the future, soldiers will be sent into combat situations without a way to clip a light onto their gun, helmet, atau any other hands-free device. Also, duct tape will be eradicated from existence some time earlier.
70. Successfully catching a ikan doesn’t take NEARLY as long as everyone claims.
71. Most cars actually require no gas at all.
72. If anda are ever in a situation where anda have to help someone escape danger, take a deep breath and try to resist becoming angry at this person. A psychological phenomenon known as IDS, atau “Idiocy in Danger Syndrome” reduces anyone to total incompetence in such a situation, no matter how intelligent they appear to be.
73. For reasons scientist have still failed to explain, it’s possible to jump off of pure air, but only once after initially jumping off the ground.
74. World War II was not won sejak numerous countries coordinating attacks across the globe, but rather sejak a single jack-hole with a gun. berkata jack-hole’s identity varies depending on the source.
75. Carrying around 200 lbs of weight will not hinder anda at all. However, carrying 201 lbs will prevent anda from moving an inch.
76. Sometimes the recently departed are prone to seizures if their bodies happen to be touching walls atau other objects.
77. It’s possible that while looking at surfaces from certain angles, huge portions may suddenly stretch, flicker, atau jiggle. STAY CALM. anda are not on drugs.
78. If you’re participating in an illegal jalan race and anda don’t do well, all of your opponents don’t mind racing again and again so that anda can eventually win.
79. If anda are a security guard and all of your fellow guards disappear, it is perfectly fine to cari for an intruder for thirty seconds, then return to your normal cari route, on your own, at midnight, while anda know a murderer is on the loose and has been sighted within 5 meters of anda in the last few minutes.
80. If you’re ever hard up for cash, just go cut down any tall rumput anda see.
81. Boomerangs are in fact extremely useful tools and potentially deadly weapons, and not crappy toys that fall on the ground every time anda throw them.
82. Performing a stunt in the middle of a race is not a dangerous and risky display of poor sportsmanship, but in fact allows anda to go even faster.
83. Cars with official corporate logos on them are indestructible...
84. …generic rip-offs, however, will smash into a crumpled wad while hitting a tree.
85. If you’re in a life-threatening situation, try focusing really hard. anda may experience a slowing down of time, atau possibly a nice glowing color indicating danger atau safety.
86. Shooting someone in the chest at point-blank range with a semi-automatic senapang may not kill them sometimes, but smacking them with the butt of the same senapang will induce death every single time.
87. anda can walk down the jalan with a fully automatic weapon and not even get a saat glance from the police.
88. All small electronics like radios, earpieces, and cell phones will work no matter how much water anda swim through. Also, all guns, medicinal herbs, alchemic powders, paper documents, and explosives are equally waterproof.
89. A night in jail is usually enough to have your trial ready the hari after, and even the worst crimes generally result in a small fine.
90. Hacking into high-security areas does not require extensive training and expertise, but rather the ability to solve simple shape-sliding atau color-matching puzzles.
91. If a mayor wants to demolish someone’s house to put a big statue of himself there instead, it's perfectly acceptable to do so. In fact, it will increase the mayor’s approval rating from the adjacent home-owners.
92. As long as a military general kills lebih of the enemy than his own troops, he is considered an unqualified success.
93. anda can behave like a psychotic a-hole one moment, and then lay on the syrupy Cinta the next, and no one will think you’re crazy, atau even remember what anda berkata ten saat ago.
94. It is a great idea to pick up Rawak syringes off of vending machines and inject yourself to find out what happens.
95. 95% of all doors in the world are locked atau jammed shut and cannot be opened sejak any conventional means.
96. Every conspicuously tall building in the Middle East has a hay-cart sitting directly under it, so feel free to dive off of every one.
97. In modern warfare, the only way to win is sejak advancing, because the enemy will never run out of troops otherwise.
98. Have fantasies of being a police officer, ambulans driver, fireman, atau cab driver? Just steal one of the appropriate vehicles. No one at dispatch will wonder why their usual driver’s voice suddenly changed.
99. If you’re ever stuck in a burning building, find something red to wear. Red clothing usually denotes some measure of heat protection.
100. Every product in the world is priced in whole dollars. Pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters do not exist.
101. Death is never permanent. Even if it were, anda could always just kill him.
What remains of couch-multiplayer:
