101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If anda have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours sejak hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal sejak conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what anda think."
17. Claim that anda must always wear a bicycle topi keledar as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors anda are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip sarung, holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying lebih any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over sejak clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink kartrij across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler Rawak numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that anda "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for Rawak times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train seterusnya Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly anda can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minit before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints sejak the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your makan malam, majlis makan malam with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in Rawak spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone anda meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do anda hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address anda as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Krismas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's tetikus is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture sejak tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that anda don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" atau the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Krismas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra kerusi, tempat duduk for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a puisi recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their jawapan in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim anda can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If anda have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours sejak hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal sejak conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what anda think."
17. Claim that anda must always wear a bicycle topi keledar as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors anda are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip sarung, holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying lebih any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over sejak clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink kartrij across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler Rawak numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that anda "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for Rawak times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train seterusnya Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly anda can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minit before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints sejak the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your makan malam, majlis makan malam with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in Rawak spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone anda meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do anda hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address anda as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Krismas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's tetikus is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture sejak tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that anda don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" atau the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Krismas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra kerusi, tempat duduk for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a puisi recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their jawapan in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim anda can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Face it, we all feel sleepy the moment we enter the office premises. But what if your boss caught anda sleeping at your desk? Here is what anda can tell him:
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• "This is just a 15 minit power-nap as described in that time management course anda sent me."
• "Whew! Guess I left the bahagian, atas off the White-Out anda probably got here just in time!"
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
• "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
• "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
• "Damn! Why did anda interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
• "The coffee machine is broken..."
• "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
• " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• "This is just a 15 minit power-nap as described in that time management course anda sent me."
• "Whew! Guess I left the bahagian, atas off the White-Out anda probably got here just in time!"
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
• "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
• "I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
• "Damn! Why did anda interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
• "The coffee machine is broken..."
• "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
• " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
