Helloo fellow sinners, it's me again. It's been quite a long time since my last fic...almost a month, actually. That's actually a VERY long time. I've been meaning to write this for the longest time, but I've been crazily busy.
Anyways, there is a Part 1 to this. If anda haven't read it, atau forgot what it was about, please click link because if anda don't, most of this will not make sense. It also explains the inspiration for this fic, fun stuff, etc. So please, READ PART 1 BEFORE CONTINUING.
Did anda do it? Okay, then welcome to Part 2! Hope anda enjoy it, and I'll see anda when anda finish it...
***
The world was still. The very trees seemed to stop breathing as he gently pressed his lips to hers. Lisa's eyes were open, staring at Hugh's quivering eyelids, blurred sejak their closeness. She was frozen.
Lisa wanted to Ciuman him back. She wanted so badly to bungkus, balut her arms around him, to let her body mold into his, to see how perfectly they fit. But as Lisa stood there, rigid, unmoving, a wave of memories crashed into her brain, and she remembered why she couldn't.
Lisa tapped her foot impatiently as she leaned against the grimy brick wall. James was late, again. That afternoon, he had called Lisa and told her that there was a party later, and to meet him outside his boyfriend's apartment. So, she had gone there, and waited for three hours. Lisa supposed that sejak now most people would either have left atau called the police, but she had had three years to get to know James and his attitude towards punctuality. She took every jam as a challenge, so after three she was even less likely to give up and leave. Lisa was nothing if not determined.
But when the door finally opened, she realized immediately that something was wrong. The first thing that emerged was a hand, clutching a bottle of vodka. Then, the rest of James came staggering out into the muggy New York evening. He swayed slightly as he looked around, and suddenly caught sight of Lisa.
As she gazed at his trembling lower lip, the splotchy redness of his face, and the wild look in his eyes, Lisa knew that James's hati, tengah-tengah had been broken once again. She had no idea how he had managed to find the alcohol in the time between the break-up and his emergence from the building; he must have been sitting in the cramped tangga, stairwell the whole time. Nevertheless, Lisa stepped ke hadapan and cupped James's face in her hands.
"James," she berkata firmly, wrinkling her nose slightly at the masam stench of his breath. He tried to take another swig from the bottle, but Lisa blocked it with her hand. "James, we're gonna get you--"
"No wait," James interrupted. "Wait, wait, wait, no, Lisa, I have to...I have to tell you..."
Lisa sighed. She had had enough experience with drunk people to know that she had to let him say what he wanted to say if she wanted to get him anywhere.
James seemed to think for a moment, as if struggling to remember what he had needed to tell her. Then, he suddenly gripped her shoulders and leaned forward.
"Lisa, anda have to remember this," he said, his voice slightly slurred. "You...never believe that you've found love. Because--really, listen. It doesn't exist. At least, not that kind of love. What we have...that's the Cinta that anda want, the kind that stays the same forever, the kind that never goes off and meets someone else and--oh God..." James's words fell on bahagian, atas of each other and he started to sob. Lisa stared at him in concern, and then hefted one of his arms over her shoulder.
"Come on, we're going now," she berkata gently, and they staggered off. The big, broad-shouldered man, draped over the small, dark-haired woman, the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground.
At the time, Lisa had dismissed what James had berkata as a melodramatic speech, born from pain and alcohol. But later, when she was alone and she thought about his words, Lisa realized that there might have been some truth in them.
True, the party scene wasn't the best example of the rest of the world. There was never any rest from the drama: there were always people drinking, fighting, loving. But Lisa had seen so much heartbreak that she began to wonder if it was really worth it. Trying to find the one person that anda were supposed to be with forever. Was it worth that much pain? That much time spent locked in your apartment, a sea of tissues on the floor and a sappy movie playing itself to sleep on the TV?
James had been drunk and later he apologized for anything he had berkata to her that night. But Lisa was young and impressionable, and his words stayed with her forever. So, she vowed never to go looking for true love. Even if it came to her, she would never trust it, because she never wanted to be the one sitting alone on the stairs, drowning out the pain with a bottle in her hand. She never wanted to be brought that low. And Lisa never broke that promise with herself. Sure, she had had flings, but they were just that: flings. A woman needed to satisfy her desires in some way, atau she would go insane. There had been a few times, however, when Lisa felt herself truly falling for someone. It was during those times that she would force herself to relive that moment back in New York with James and his broken heart. His words would always help her make the impossible choice. The decision that would hurt so, so much, but which, Lisa convinced herself, was for the best.
Of course, she often felt guilty. The men she was breaking up with were also people, after all. But, Lisa reasoned, they were blind. These guys were looking for love, and maybe they believed that they had found it. But, eventually the disappointment that would crash over them when they inevitably discovered that there was no such thing as true love, atau soulmates, atau being together forever, would be much worse than the pain of her breaking up with them.
When Lisa first met Hugh, though, none of this came across her mind. All she saw was a man who she could be great Friends with for a very long time, because friendship was the only thing that could be forever. But things had gotten lebih complicated as the years passed. Lisa began to feel the familiar sense of danger, of the pull in her stomach when she saw him, of the grin that mencuri over her face when she was with him. Lisa fought it. She fought it with all her might, because she knew that once she gave into love, she would lose him. The steel bonds of friendship that had connected them would shatter, and they would fly off into a passionate few weeks of loving each other. But, inevitably, they would come crashing to the ground. And then they would both be too damaged to fix.
No. A deep friendship, a comfortable, Platonic love...that was the best Lisa could ever hope for.
***
The blood drained from Lisa's face, her fingers started to feel clammy, and her stomach turned over as she fully realized what was happening. Hugh's hand was Tangled in her hair now, his lips moving against hers, and she felt the urge, the urge to respond, but--
"No!" The cry was torn from Lisa's lips as she staggered backwards, out of Hugh's grip, and retreated a comfortable five feet away.
Hugh did not speak. Lisa wasn't even sure if he could. He stood there, his arms stretched out slightly as if she was still in them, and was silent. They stared at each other for a few moments.
"Hugh..." Lisa began. She had no idea what she wanted to say, and her voice drifted off into a whisper, and then nothingness. The silence dripped steadily, but slowly, a broken tap in the middle of the night. And then Hugh spoke. His voice was hoarse and Lisa could barely hear it; nevertheless, his words sent a chill down her spine.
"I Cinta you."
Oh God. Oh God no, why why WHY? I was strong enough to fight this, to avoid it, but I can't...not with him looking at me like that...
"No." Lisa made the word as harsh as she could. She knew what she had to do; she had done it plenty of times before. But still, she felt a small part of her hati, tengah-tengah break as she looked up and saw Hugh's expression.
"No?"
"Hugh...we both know that this can't possibly--we can't possibly--it's just not going to work, okay?" What's happening to me? Why can't I just string the words together and say them...it'll be so much faster, so much less painful for both of us...
Hugh's mouth was slightly open and his eyes were wide. He looked like he was still trying to comprehend what Lisa had said.
"What...I mean, why do anda think that?" Hugh's voice seemed to catch in his throat as he berkata the words.
Lisa could feel her carefully assembled explanations, the reasons and excuses that she had been stockpiling for twenty years, all wash away at the sound of his voice. She stared at him stupidly.
"Well, we're friends."
"Wow." Hugh seemed to be gaining some of himself back. "You're really going to play the 'just friends' card."
"Friendships don't always end in anger, in hate, in two people never being able to talk to each other again. That's what happens when anda try to find "love" isn't it?" Lisa's voice rose in passion, and she stepped closer to Hugh, gesticulating with her hands. She frantically searched for all those reasons that had drove her to make this decision, she just wanted to recite them, to get it over with. "Don't anda see that? I know what you're trying to do, and I don't blame you. Most people still think that they can find the person that they're supposed to be with for the rest of their life, when in reality--"
"Lisa," Hugh interrupted. "What the hell are anda talking about?"
Lisa froze. She took a step back, and was silent for a moment.
"I don't know" she finally whispered. "Isn't that enough to tunjuk anda how wrong all this is?"
Hugh stared at her, and his eyes were so forlorn, so full of pain...Lisa felt a sudden sting in her eyes, and a hard lump forming in her throat. She opened her mouth to say something else, something to comfort Hugh, something that would soothe that expression that was so excruciating for her to look at...but at the last moment Lisa checked herself. This had to be done.
She held Hugh's gaze for just one lebih moment, one small eternity, and turned away. As Lisa walked towards her car, her steps gradually quickening into a run, she felt the urge to turn back. To throw herself back into his arms, where it was so warm, so safe. God, Lisa hated how much she loved being in his arms, how much she loved the feel of his lips, how much she loved him...
No. anda are not going to do this to Hugh. anda are not going to do this to yourself. anda know that this is the right thing to do, so just suck it up. Eventually, the pain will pass.
And so, Lisa swallowed the hurt and steeled herself. The tears had already begun to awan her vision, but she thrust open the car door and threw herself inside. Jamming the key into the ignition, Lisa slammed her foot down on the gas. As she screeched out of the parking lot, however, she caught sight of Hugh in the rearview mirror. He was standing exactly where Lisa had left him, his body now sagging into the dejected slump of a man who has Lost everything. She couldn't see Hugh's face, but just looking at him, standing alone in the parking lot, slowly fading into a silhouette as the dusk fell...
It had been the most lonely feeling in the world, not ever letting herself fall in love. But, as Lisa gripped the steering wheel tighter and blinked furiously, trying to get the tears out of her eyes, she realized that she was wrong. Loving someone, and then realizing that the person anda loved, the only thing in the world that could fill your hati, tengah-tengah and complete your soul, would always be just out of reach. That was the loneliest feeling in the world. And to know that Hugh was feeling that crushing, unbearable pain, because of her...
And suddenly, Lisa found that he wasn't the only one. She felt it too. She was also stretching out her hand and trying to grasp the one thing that was out of her reach. But no one was stopping Lisa. Nothing was keeping her from pushing herself ke hadapan that extra few inches to reach the unreachable. So why, why did she feel like the world had collapsed around her?
Because she was the one who was stopping herself. She accepted this realization without any surprise: Lisa had always known it, she had just never thought of it in this light before. Hadn't she always just been protecting herself? She was shielding herself from heartbreak, from the inevitable pain. But now, Lisa saw that she had chained herself to the ground. She had tied the ropes around her own hands. Why?
Lisa pulled into her driveway, and turned off the car. She sat there, staring at the dashboard, silence cupping its soft hands over her ears. She was far away from the parking lot now, far from the danger. Hugh would not have followed her. So why wasn't she relieved? Why didn't she feel safe?
"I don't know," she had berkata in the parking lot. As Lisa remembered those words, she suddenly realized how true they had been, truer than anything else she had berkata to Hugh. Lisa didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why, so long ago, she had taken James's words and engraved them into her heart. She didn't know why she had always been strong enough, and now suddenly wasn't. She didn't know how everything had gone so wrong.
Lisa didn't know why, when there the slightest possibility that she could find what she had never dared to look for, she was always running away.
***
hei again! I'm probably getting a little annoying, so I'll make it brief. There is going to be a Part 3, but it most likely won't be written soon. So, once again, I hope anda enjoyed it, and I promise that I won't leave it hanging like this!!
Thanks for Membaca :)
Anyways, there is a Part 1 to this. If anda haven't read it, atau forgot what it was about, please click link because if anda don't, most of this will not make sense. It also explains the inspiration for this fic, fun stuff, etc. So please, READ PART 1 BEFORE CONTINUING.
Did anda do it? Okay, then welcome to Part 2! Hope anda enjoy it, and I'll see anda when anda finish it...
***
The world was still. The very trees seemed to stop breathing as he gently pressed his lips to hers. Lisa's eyes were open, staring at Hugh's quivering eyelids, blurred sejak their closeness. She was frozen.
Lisa wanted to Ciuman him back. She wanted so badly to bungkus, balut her arms around him, to let her body mold into his, to see how perfectly they fit. But as Lisa stood there, rigid, unmoving, a wave of memories crashed into her brain, and she remembered why she couldn't.
Lisa tapped her foot impatiently as she leaned against the grimy brick wall. James was late, again. That afternoon, he had called Lisa and told her that there was a party later, and to meet him outside his boyfriend's apartment. So, she had gone there, and waited for three hours. Lisa supposed that sejak now most people would either have left atau called the police, but she had had three years to get to know James and his attitude towards punctuality. She took every jam as a challenge, so after three she was even less likely to give up and leave. Lisa was nothing if not determined.
But when the door finally opened, she realized immediately that something was wrong. The first thing that emerged was a hand, clutching a bottle of vodka. Then, the rest of James came staggering out into the muggy New York evening. He swayed slightly as he looked around, and suddenly caught sight of Lisa.
As she gazed at his trembling lower lip, the splotchy redness of his face, and the wild look in his eyes, Lisa knew that James's hati, tengah-tengah had been broken once again. She had no idea how he had managed to find the alcohol in the time between the break-up and his emergence from the building; he must have been sitting in the cramped tangga, stairwell the whole time. Nevertheless, Lisa stepped ke hadapan and cupped James's face in her hands.
"James," she berkata firmly, wrinkling her nose slightly at the masam stench of his breath. He tried to take another swig from the bottle, but Lisa blocked it with her hand. "James, we're gonna get you--"
"No wait," James interrupted. "Wait, wait, wait, no, Lisa, I have to...I have to tell you..."
Lisa sighed. She had had enough experience with drunk people to know that she had to let him say what he wanted to say if she wanted to get him anywhere.
James seemed to think for a moment, as if struggling to remember what he had needed to tell her. Then, he suddenly gripped her shoulders and leaned forward.
"Lisa, anda have to remember this," he said, his voice slightly slurred. "You...never believe that you've found love. Because--really, listen. It doesn't exist. At least, not that kind of love. What we have...that's the Cinta that anda want, the kind that stays the same forever, the kind that never goes off and meets someone else and--oh God..." James's words fell on bahagian, atas of each other and he started to sob. Lisa stared at him in concern, and then hefted one of his arms over her shoulder.
"Come on, we're going now," she berkata gently, and they staggered off. The big, broad-shouldered man, draped over the small, dark-haired woman, the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground.
At the time, Lisa had dismissed what James had berkata as a melodramatic speech, born from pain and alcohol. But later, when she was alone and she thought about his words, Lisa realized that there might have been some truth in them.
True, the party scene wasn't the best example of the rest of the world. There was never any rest from the drama: there were always people drinking, fighting, loving. But Lisa had seen so much heartbreak that she began to wonder if it was really worth it. Trying to find the one person that anda were supposed to be with forever. Was it worth that much pain? That much time spent locked in your apartment, a sea of tissues on the floor and a sappy movie playing itself to sleep on the TV?
James had been drunk and later he apologized for anything he had berkata to her that night. But Lisa was young and impressionable, and his words stayed with her forever. So, she vowed never to go looking for true love. Even if it came to her, she would never trust it, because she never wanted to be the one sitting alone on the stairs, drowning out the pain with a bottle in her hand. She never wanted to be brought that low. And Lisa never broke that promise with herself. Sure, she had had flings, but they were just that: flings. A woman needed to satisfy her desires in some way, atau she would go insane. There had been a few times, however, when Lisa felt herself truly falling for someone. It was during those times that she would force herself to relive that moment back in New York with James and his broken heart. His words would always help her make the impossible choice. The decision that would hurt so, so much, but which, Lisa convinced herself, was for the best.
Of course, she often felt guilty. The men she was breaking up with were also people, after all. But, Lisa reasoned, they were blind. These guys were looking for love, and maybe they believed that they had found it. But, eventually the disappointment that would crash over them when they inevitably discovered that there was no such thing as true love, atau soulmates, atau being together forever, would be much worse than the pain of her breaking up with them.
When Lisa first met Hugh, though, none of this came across her mind. All she saw was a man who she could be great Friends with for a very long time, because friendship was the only thing that could be forever. But things had gotten lebih complicated as the years passed. Lisa began to feel the familiar sense of danger, of the pull in her stomach when she saw him, of the grin that mencuri over her face when she was with him. Lisa fought it. She fought it with all her might, because she knew that once she gave into love, she would lose him. The steel bonds of friendship that had connected them would shatter, and they would fly off into a passionate few weeks of loving each other. But, inevitably, they would come crashing to the ground. And then they would both be too damaged to fix.
No. A deep friendship, a comfortable, Platonic love...that was the best Lisa could ever hope for.
***
The blood drained from Lisa's face, her fingers started to feel clammy, and her stomach turned over as she fully realized what was happening. Hugh's hand was Tangled in her hair now, his lips moving against hers, and she felt the urge, the urge to respond, but--
"No!" The cry was torn from Lisa's lips as she staggered backwards, out of Hugh's grip, and retreated a comfortable five feet away.
Hugh did not speak. Lisa wasn't even sure if he could. He stood there, his arms stretched out slightly as if she was still in them, and was silent. They stared at each other for a few moments.
"Hugh..." Lisa began. She had no idea what she wanted to say, and her voice drifted off into a whisper, and then nothingness. The silence dripped steadily, but slowly, a broken tap in the middle of the night. And then Hugh spoke. His voice was hoarse and Lisa could barely hear it; nevertheless, his words sent a chill down her spine.
"I Cinta you."
Oh God. Oh God no, why why WHY? I was strong enough to fight this, to avoid it, but I can't...not with him looking at me like that...
"No." Lisa made the word as harsh as she could. She knew what she had to do; she had done it plenty of times before. But still, she felt a small part of her hati, tengah-tengah break as she looked up and saw Hugh's expression.
"No?"
"Hugh...we both know that this can't possibly--we can't possibly--it's just not going to work, okay?" What's happening to me? Why can't I just string the words together and say them...it'll be so much faster, so much less painful for both of us...
Hugh's mouth was slightly open and his eyes were wide. He looked like he was still trying to comprehend what Lisa had said.
"What...I mean, why do anda think that?" Hugh's voice seemed to catch in his throat as he berkata the words.
Lisa could feel her carefully assembled explanations, the reasons and excuses that she had been stockpiling for twenty years, all wash away at the sound of his voice. She stared at him stupidly.
"Well, we're friends."
"Wow." Hugh seemed to be gaining some of himself back. "You're really going to play the 'just friends' card."
"Friendships don't always end in anger, in hate, in two people never being able to talk to each other again. That's what happens when anda try to find "love" isn't it?" Lisa's voice rose in passion, and she stepped closer to Hugh, gesticulating with her hands. She frantically searched for all those reasons that had drove her to make this decision, she just wanted to recite them, to get it over with. "Don't anda see that? I know what you're trying to do, and I don't blame you. Most people still think that they can find the person that they're supposed to be with for the rest of their life, when in reality--"
"Lisa," Hugh interrupted. "What the hell are anda talking about?"
Lisa froze. She took a step back, and was silent for a moment.
"I don't know" she finally whispered. "Isn't that enough to tunjuk anda how wrong all this is?"
Hugh stared at her, and his eyes were so forlorn, so full of pain...Lisa felt a sudden sting in her eyes, and a hard lump forming in her throat. She opened her mouth to say something else, something to comfort Hugh, something that would soothe that expression that was so excruciating for her to look at...but at the last moment Lisa checked herself. This had to be done.
She held Hugh's gaze for just one lebih moment, one small eternity, and turned away. As Lisa walked towards her car, her steps gradually quickening into a run, she felt the urge to turn back. To throw herself back into his arms, where it was so warm, so safe. God, Lisa hated how much she loved being in his arms, how much she loved the feel of his lips, how much she loved him...
No. anda are not going to do this to Hugh. anda are not going to do this to yourself. anda know that this is the right thing to do, so just suck it up. Eventually, the pain will pass.
And so, Lisa swallowed the hurt and steeled herself. The tears had already begun to awan her vision, but she thrust open the car door and threw herself inside. Jamming the key into the ignition, Lisa slammed her foot down on the gas. As she screeched out of the parking lot, however, she caught sight of Hugh in the rearview mirror. He was standing exactly where Lisa had left him, his body now sagging into the dejected slump of a man who has Lost everything. She couldn't see Hugh's face, but just looking at him, standing alone in the parking lot, slowly fading into a silhouette as the dusk fell...
It had been the most lonely feeling in the world, not ever letting herself fall in love. But, as Lisa gripped the steering wheel tighter and blinked furiously, trying to get the tears out of her eyes, she realized that she was wrong. Loving someone, and then realizing that the person anda loved, the only thing in the world that could fill your hati, tengah-tengah and complete your soul, would always be just out of reach. That was the loneliest feeling in the world. And to know that Hugh was feeling that crushing, unbearable pain, because of her...
And suddenly, Lisa found that he wasn't the only one. She felt it too. She was also stretching out her hand and trying to grasp the one thing that was out of her reach. But no one was stopping Lisa. Nothing was keeping her from pushing herself ke hadapan that extra few inches to reach the unreachable. So why, why did she feel like the world had collapsed around her?
Because she was the one who was stopping herself. She accepted this realization without any surprise: Lisa had always known it, she had just never thought of it in this light before. Hadn't she always just been protecting herself? She was shielding herself from heartbreak, from the inevitable pain. But now, Lisa saw that she had chained herself to the ground. She had tied the ropes around her own hands. Why?
Lisa pulled into her driveway, and turned off the car. She sat there, staring at the dashboard, silence cupping its soft hands over her ears. She was far away from the parking lot now, far from the danger. Hugh would not have followed her. So why wasn't she relieved? Why didn't she feel safe?
"I don't know," she had berkata in the parking lot. As Lisa remembered those words, she suddenly realized how true they had been, truer than anything else she had berkata to Hugh. Lisa didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know why, so long ago, she had taken James's words and engraved them into her heart. She didn't know why she had always been strong enough, and now suddenly wasn't. She didn't know how everything had gone so wrong.
Lisa didn't know why, when there the slightest possibility that she could find what she had never dared to look for, she was always running away.
***
hei again! I'm probably getting a little annoying, so I'll make it brief. There is going to be a Part 3, but it most likely won't be written soon. So, once again, I hope anda enjoyed it, and I promise that I won't leave it hanging like this!!
Thanks for Membaca :)
