January, 22, 2010,
I was in Frank's car and we were on our way to the release party/CD signing because my album "Legacy" was released this morning. I looked out the window and then back at Frank as I berkata "these crowds of peminat-peminat just keep getting bigger and bigger!" The line of peminat-peminat stretched all the way around the Dunkin' Donat seterusnya to the Muzik store where the CD signing is being held. Frank got a worried on his face and I unbuckled my seatbelt.
There were some poorly built metal gates that separated the main entrance to the store and the fans. I walked alongside Frank as we made our way down the path to the front doors. I stepped a little closer to the gate so I could wave to the fans. Before I could walk away, one of the 13-year-old girls grabbed the strings on my baju panas, sweatshirt and tried to pull me closer. A teenage boy grabbed my arm and yanked me over the bahagian, atas of the gate. Frank obviously didn't notice as he continued to walk up to the doorway. I screamed "FRANK" at the bahagian, atas of my lungs. He turned around to see me lying on the ground having everything ripped away from me sejak the crazed fans!
Frank literally had to pick me up and hayun, swing me over his shoulder. He carried me inside to a back room of the store where they put all the extra inventory. He put me down and looked at me as I stood there with giant rips in my sweatshirt! He asked "ARE anda OKAY?" I berkata with a shaking voice "I think so! I've never seen people like that before; they are like savage animals! I think one of them ripped off one of the tali pinggang loops on my pants!" He took a sigh of relief and asked "are anda sure you're okay?" I berkata as my hands shook "yeah, it just freaked me out!" He berkata "I didn't think anda were at the point that anda needed to travel with security guards; I guess I was wrong! I was going to wait until a few days before anda go on tour to cari for a bodyguard but; I'm going to have to alih that up a little bit! Do anda think you're okay enough to go through with the CD signing?" I berkata "of course, I'm not going to let down all those peminat-peminat out there!"
I took off my baju panas, sweatshirt revealing my plain white T-shirt and followed Frank down the hallway. As we got closer to the main room, the two of us heard the peminat-peminat chanting "ALANNA, ALANNA, ALANNA!!!" I berkata "it's so weird hearing that because for years I was used to hearing people chanting dad's name!" He berkata "this is just the beginning kid! anda better get ready for your tour because that's going to be 10 times worse; I promise anda that!"
I walked into the room and thousands of peminat-peminat were waiting in a LONG line. I sat down at the meja, jadual in the front of the room with a backdrop of my "legacy" album cover behind me. The store security guided peminat-peminat through the line just long enough for me to sign their CD. After about four hours, everyone had had their CDs autographed and it was time to clear the store of customers so we could start the release party.
After waiting around for about an jam and playing with an application on my cell phone while the staff members set up for the party; people started to arrive. The first people to come were some of my family members, Prince, Paris, Blanket, my Aunt Latoya and grandma. They walked up to me and Prince sat down in the chair nearest to me. I looked up from my phone and asked "where's my uncles?" Aunt Latoya berkata "they berkata that they were too busy to come!" I berkata "seriously, all they ever do is sit around and they couldn't come for three hours to support my new album being released?"
Then a whole crowd of selebriti walked into the room and I think that's what I realized that I was one of those celebrities. Paris was definitely taking advantage of the opportunity to hang out with some of her role Model like the Jonas Brothers. As I was talking to Adam Sandler I felt someone tap my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. I was shocked to see Damien's mother Kate standing there. I hugged her with a smile on my face and asked "what are anda doing here? I didn't expect to see you!" She motioned for me to follow her outside because the Muzik was so loud indoors.
We walked outside and the two of us sat down on the curb. She berkata "I had come down here to tunjuk my support! I listened to the album the whole ride down here and it's amazing; especially man in the mirror!" I berkata "thanks for the compliment; did anda see Carter yet?" She berkata "yeah, he was sitting on Prince's lap and eating some potato chips off of his plate. Oh my gosh; he's getting so big!" I berkata "I know, he's walking and talking now!" She berkata "Damien told me that he came down here around Carter's birthday; how did that go?" I was debating in my mind whether atau not to tell her how it actually went but, I berkata "it was okay; I wasn't expecting it but it was okay."
I took a deep breath as I adjusted my backwards facing hat and berkata "so… I heard he has a girlfriend!" She berkata "yeah he does and he lives with her in her parent’s basement." I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he's living in some dusty old basement and I asked "what's her name?" She berkata "Amber I think." I looked at her confused and asked "you're not sure what her name is? Haven't anda met her?" Kate berkata "yeah I met her; she seems kind of snobby if anda ask me! I think her parents probably spoil her! Damien tried to convince me to let the two of them alih into my house and I told him that he needs to start growing up and being there for the baby! Did he spend time with Carter when he came to your grandmother's house?" I berkata "I tried to get him to but, he doesn't really want to interact with him!" She berkata "I hate to say this about my own son but, I don't think you're ever going to get through to him AJ; he's a Lost cause! I wouldn't waste your time on trying to fix him because I've tried and it doesn't seem to work! He's just in his own little world where he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything that he does; he's immature and that's all there is to it!"
I saw someone walking towards the building and berkata "oh my gosh, I think that's Jesse McCartney!" I started blushing and Kate clutched her side in laughter as she squeezed out the words "I don't think I've ever seen anda blush before! anda really think he's that cute?" As he got closer I whispered "not cute but damn sexy!" She started laughing hysterically as he was just a few feet away from us. Jesse walked up to me and hugged me as he berkata "longtime no see! I haven't seen anda since anda went to my tour in 2005!" I berkata while trying to play it cool "yeah, I Cinta your new album! It's in my truck right now!" He berkata "I can't stay too long but I just wanted to stop sejak and congratulate anda on your first album!" I berkata "that means a lot coming from you; thanks!" He berkata "no problem" and turned to go back the way he came. As he walked away, Kate berkata something but I wasn't paying attention. She snapped me out of it and asked "will anda stop checking out his butt?" I berkata as I blushed "sorry, I can't help it! He's just so perfect looking!"
January 31, 2010,
Frank had gone to go pick up my new tour bus while I spent an jam with my family before we left to go make our way to the first konsert on my "Legacy" tour; which is in Maine. I was helping Blanket with a videogame while Carter sat on my lap. I asked as I quickly glanced over at Prince "you haven't berkata much today; that's not like you! What's on your mind?" He stood up and berkata arrogantly "like anda care anyway!" He stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him and I looked at grandma confused. I took Carter off my lap and passed the PlayStation controller to Blanket. Grandma berkata "I wonder what's got into Prince!" I grabbed my truck keys off the counter in the dapur and berkata "I don't know but, I'm going to find out!" She asked "do anda need help finding him?" I berkata as I opened the front door "no, I have a pretty good idea of where he is!"
After driving around for 15 minit yelling his name out the window, I spotted Prince sitting down in front of the Lake. I pulled the truck in and berkata as he turned around to look at me "I figured anda might be here!" I shut the truck off and hopped out. I walked up to him and sat down in the grass. I asked "what's going on with you? What was that whole thing back at the house about?" He berkata something that I definitely wasn't expecting to hear "I don't want anda to leave!" I berkata "I thought anda would be excited that I'm going to be gone pretty much nonstop for eight months! anda and I are always arguing about something so, I figured anda would be excited to have a break from me!" He berkata "I was… Until today because it's finally hitting me that you're going to be gone for a while!" I berkata "you know that if anda ever need to talk all anda have to do is call my cell phone! The only time that I won't pick up is if I'm on stage but, I'll always return your calls afterwards. He berkata "it's not that, it's just that when you're here in makes me remember what it's like to have dad around again! I just keep picturing him lying on the ground and me knowing that he was already gone!"
I berkata as I put my arm around him "I know how anda feel because the same thing happens to me all the time! anda just have to remember the good times we had with dad when he was here!" Prince berkata "I just don't want to forget those memories because that's all we really have left of him now!" I asked as I started laughing "remember that time at Neverland when anda and I decided to have a submarine adventure in the bathtub when I was six and anda were three?" Prince berkata with a smile on his face "oh yeah, dad went to go get our towels and the two of us flooded the whole bathroom in a matter of minutes!" I laughed as I asked "remember, dad came back in with the towels and was slipping all over the place because of all the water and soap we got on the floor?" He berkata as he started to laugh "yeah, daddy was so frustrated with us because he had to spend hours mopping up the water that was 3 inches high!" I berkata "I don't think he ever left us alone to go get something ever again after that!"
Prince berkata "then there was that time when anda and I were fighting all hari and he tied the two of us together so we would have to get along? I berkata "yeah; I remember how much I hated anda that hari because anda didn't want to do anything that I wanted to! What about the sleepover's you, dad, and I used to have together right after Paris was born!" Prince berkata "I remember that! We would watch cable atau Filem and drink Chocolate milk!" Prince squinted his eyes and started laughing with an evil tone. He looked at me with a mischievous look on his face and I asked "what?" He berkata "now I remember! One time when you, dad, and I had fallen asleep watching a movie, anda had had four glasses of Chocolate susu and when we had gotten up the seterusnya morning anda had wet dad's bed!!!" I got defensive and berkata "I did not; you're imagining things!" He laughed and berkata "no, no I'm not! I remember cause anda berkata 'I'm sorry daddy! I didn't mean to!' Then I remembered dad saying 'it's no big deal! It happens sometimes! I'm not mad at you!' The seterusnya time he didn't let anda drink anything!" The memories came flooding back to me and I berkata trying to change the subject "alright, let's go utama and see my tour bus!”
Prince teased "okay, whatever anda say tomboy tinkler!!!" I playfully threatened as we climbed into the front kerusi, tempat duduk of my truck "you better not tell anyone about that Chocolate susu incident! What do anda expect? I was only five years old when that happened!" He didn't give me an answer as he stared down at my truck keys. He asked "how come anda have three keys? What are the other two for?" I berkata "I've been trying to figure that out since I got the truck! Nobody else knows what they're for either! I've tried them in every lock I own but neither of them works! At this point, I really don't think they belong to anything! I just think they are fake and just pretend!"
I pulled into the driveway at Havenhurst and caught my first glimpse of my tour bus. I opened my truck door and ran towards the bus. Blanket, Paris, Carter, and grandma stood outside and I berkata "wow the outside of the tour bus looks awesome!" I stared at the giant decal of what appeared to be dad's hand passing my hand his signature sequin glove; with the words "Alanna Jackson Legacy tour" written underneath it in emas lettering. Grandma started crying and berkata "the image is so symbolic! In a way when your dad signed anda to his record label he pretty much did pass that sarung tangan onto you!" I berkata "I never thought about it like that before. Please don't start crying; at least not yet because I don't have to leave for another 15 minutes!"
All of us walked onto the bus and I was starstruck! Prince berkata "wow, this is crazy!" I looked around and there was a leather sofa, kerusi panjang with a huge flatscreen TV and an Xbox 360 mounted on the table. I walked towards the back of the bus and there was a pretty good-sized room with a full-size bed. Then there were four bunkbeds that could be folded up to reveal lebih living space. I went back into the room with the full-sized katil and noticed the medium-sized bathroom. Frank berkata "I don't mean to glorify myself but, I think I did a pretty good job picking out this tour bus as your utama away from home!" I berkata "that's an understatement!"
Frank looked at his watch and berkata "I hate to tear anda away from your family AJ but, we have to get going because we have to pick up your new bodyguard in 10 minutes!" I sighed and berkata "this is so bittersweet because on one hand I'm getting to live out my childhood dream and on the other hand I don't want to leave anda guys behind; especially Carter!" Prince hugged me and berkata "I'm going to miss you! anda better come back and visit as often as anda can!" I berkata "of course I will!" Paris berkata "you better prepare yourself because now that I have a cell phone I'm going to text anda a lot!" I hugged her and berkata "I'm looking ke hadapan to it!" I looked down and Blanket and he started crying. I picked him up so his legs were wrapped around my waist and asked "what's wrong?" He berkata as he cried into my shoulder "I don't want anda to go! Eight months is too long!" I berkata "I'll see anda as much as I can during those eight months!" He berkata "I know but, it's not the same as having anda here every day!" I berkata "I'll be back before anda know it! My Los Angeles tunjuk is in two months and I'm going to stay here the night after the show! I kissed the bahagian, atas of his head and put him down. I looked over at grandma who was visibly upset and I berkata "I'll be back; I Cinta you!" She berkata as she hugged me "I Cinta anda too! Please be selamat, peti deposit keselamatan AJ!" I berkata "I will; I promise!" I looked at Carter with a halfhearted smile on my face and berkata "here comes the hardest part! I took Carter out of grandma's arms and berkata "I Cinta anda Carter! I'm going to miss you!" I don't think he knew how long I was going to be gone for because he's only 14 months old! I berkata as I kissed him "be good okay?" I passed him back to grandma and Frank berkata "okay, we'll see anda guys in April!" All of them walked off the bus and I stared out the window as the bus driver drove away.
February 1, 2010,
I woke up in my room inside the tour bus and looked over at the alarm clock to see that it was 7 AM. I didn't technically have to be up for another two hours because we wouldn't reach Maine until then. I sat up on the edge of my katil and rubbed my eyes. I stood up and looked in the mirror at my blonde hair that was sticking up in every direction.
After I took a shower, I walked out into the living room area and sat down on the leather couch. I looked over at Frank to see him lying on one of the twin size bunkbeds with his mouth wide open and snoring. I looked across from me and a tall athletic looking man was sitting down in a chair. I berkata "you must be my new bodyguard, my name is AJ and I'm sorry I was asleep sejak the time they picked anda up; atau else I would've introduced myself yesterday." He berkata "that's no big deal; my name is Jeff." I laughed at Frank's obnoxiously loud snoring and berkata "it doesn't sound like he's getting up anytime soon! anda must not have slept really good last night because anda were in the seterusnya katil over from him." Jeff berkata "it's not that bad as long as anda put a bantal over your head!"
While the bus driver drove us to the arena, I worked on my homeschooling. If dad didn't make it mandatory for me to finish high school I would've already dropped out sejak now. Being famous means lebih to me right now than being forced to do all this awful history paper work! History has always been my least kegemaran subject in school but, ironically it's probably the one that I understand the most! I'm obviously capable of getting all A's on my lapor card but, I've fallen so far behind since giving birth to Carter that I'm down to a D-. Looking back at it now, I definitely could've been lebih motivated and applied myself!
2 1/2 hours later, we pulled up in front of the Portland Civic Center and I looked out the window at the thousands upon thousands of peminat-peminat that crowded the streets. The tunjuk doesn't start until seven but some of those peminat-peminat have been waiting a while because they had tents and sleeping bags laid out on the sidewalk. Jeff looked out the window while Frank made a business call in my bedroom. Jeff berkata "those peminat-peminat must be freezing out there!" I berkata "we should buy some of them some hot chocolate!" He berkata "okay" and we walked to the nearby Dunkin' Donuts.
A few minit later, we walked out carrying a giant container of hot Chocolate and hundreds of Styrofoam cups. Jeff and I went back to the sidewalk where all the peminat-peminat were lined up. I passed out a few cups of hot Chocolate and then the chaos started. Once they realized that it was really me passing out the cups, they started freaking out! Some of them actually started crying and then I felt something touching my feet. I looked down and backed up as a boy attempted to steal my shoelace. I asked "do anda mind? That is my shoe anda know! I'm trying to do something nice for anda guys and anda just want to rip me to shreds!" Jeff berkata "hey, what do anda think you're doing boy? Get away from her shoes!" Jeff gently forced him backwards and I sighed with relief because I knew with Jeff here there wouldn't be a repeat of the CD signing!
As I sat backstage waiting for the opening acts to finish, Frank put his hand on my shoulder and berkata "get ready for this kid! This is just the beginning and don't forget… Every hari creates your history!" Those words stuck to me like glue as I bent down in the stage pembakar roti that's going to shoot me onto the stage for the opening song. The Muzik to "another part of me" paused in suspense as I shot onto the stage. anda could hear my feet slam on the ground as I landed and stood there in silence. I didn't move, didn't flinch, nothing, as I stood there in a emas suite like the one my dad wore in his "history" tour. If there's one thing that I was able to pick up from watching my dad perform when I was three years old, it was the power and importance of using suspense to captivate the audience.
I stood there still in silence and waited for a full minit before making a pantas, swift movement to the rim of my sunglasses. I slowly ran my fingers across the lenses as the crowd exploded into an uproar of screams. I yanked my sunglasses off and the Muzik started playing again.
After a few songs, it was time for a costume change and I rushed backstage dripping with sweat. As the crewmembers helped me quickly and efficiently put on my seterusnya outfit, Frank berkata "you're killing it out there kid! They Cinta you!!! I smiled as I drank from a water bottle that was telah diberi to me. I berkata "I'm happy to be out of that suit because it's really hot!"
Before leaving the stage after I had performed the last song of the show, I started talking to the audience "I want to say thank anda to all of anda for coming out to see me perform today! I appreciate all of anda that slept on the sidewalk days in advance!" I looked up at the ceiling and berkata "I hope I made anda proud tonight dad!" I looked back at the audience and berkata "thank anda all for coming from the bottom of my heart!" I left the stage and confetti fell from the ceiling onto the thousands of fans.
I walked backstage and sat exhausted on the couch. Before I even have the chance to catch my breath, Frank, Jeff, and the rest of the crew came running over to me. Frank berkata "that was awesome AJ! Your dad would be so proud of you!" They all showered me with compliments and then I heard my phone ringing. I put it up to my ear and berkata "hello." Grandma asked excitedly "how did it go?" I berkata "it was awesome! Now I know what dad was talking about when he berkata stuff about having an adrenaline rush when anda go out there!" Prince interrupted "we miss anda AJ!" I berkata "I miss anda guys too! How is my little munchkin doing?" Grandma berkata "he's doing well; I think he's a bit confused about why you're not here with us." I asked "can I talk to him?" She berkata sympathetically "I would go get him but, Paris is getting him to fall asleep and if he hears your voice right now he'll be up all night!" I berkata with disappointment in my voice "okay, I understand. I'll talk to anda guys tomorrow I guess." I hung up the phone and tossed it down seterusnya to me on the couch. I didn't like the idea of not being able to talk to Carter. I wasn't mad at my grandmother; I was mad at myself in a way for not being able to call him before his bedtime! This is the longest amount of time that I've spent away from him since he's been born and it's going to take some getting used to!
February, 8, 2010,
Today was my hari off and we were in Virginia. We rented a hotel room and I wanted to go get something to snack on. Jeff and I walked into a family-run grocery store and I immediately went for the junk, sarap Makanan aisles. I picked out everything from gummy bears to cheddar cheese potato chips and followed Jeff safely to the checkout line. There were quite a few people ahead of us so; I decided to look at a magazine that was on the rack seterusnya to me.
I searched for one and saw something that caught my eye. I picked up the latest issue of "people magazine" and looked at the cover. I couldn't believe it; there right in the center was a huge picture of Prince carrying Carter into Walmart. That part didn't bother me but, then I read the title. It berkata "which Jackson family member has a secret child? Turn to page 70 to find out!" I frantically flipped through the pages and there was a whole artikel about Carter! I looked at the pictures and they were personal pictures that I had taken of him. I read as I bit my lip angrily:
“I bet you're all wondering who this cute little guy is; well we finally found out! According to Jermaine Jackson, he is surprisingly Michael Jackson's firstborn daughter Alanna Jackson's son Carter Shawn Jackson. I know; that's surprising! Apparently, AJ had Carter in November 2008 when she was only 14 years old. I would've expected better of Michael's extremely sheltered children than to become a teenage mother. Jermaine says that the extended Jackson family has never met the baby's father and he is unsure if AJ still keeps in contact with him. We'll keep anda telah diposkan about any new information on the baby. In the meantime, anda can see Alanna Jackson on her 'Legacy’ tour. I wonder who's watching her son while she's traveling?"
I quickly threw the money for the magazine on the counter and dashed to the tour bus that was waiting outside for us. Frank looked at me as I stormed onto the bus and sat down at the table. I dialed uncle Jermaine's phone number and put it up to my ear. He berkata "hello AJ; it's nice to have anda call me!" I snapped back "don't bullshit me!" He asked "what's wrong?" I berkata "what's wrong? What's wrong is that anda sold a story about Carter to the press! I know anda did because anda were the only one that had the kata laluan to my computer where they got those pictures I took of him! I can't believe that anda would sell my sons opportunity to have a normal life! That's so low of anda and I hate anda for that! I'll never forgive you! anda may be able to manipulate grandma into getting what anda want but, anda sure as hell aren't going to do it to me! Are anda that desperate for attention? Go to hell; anda jerk!"
I hung up the phone as Frank sat there shaking his head in disbelief. I ripped the magazine and half and stomped on it. Jeff berkata "I can't believe your uncle would do that to Carter! Now for the rest of Carter's life the press will be all over him!" I berkata "I was planning to raise Carter as normal as possible but I guess that's not going to happen now! What a lot of people don't know is that half of my family is money hungry, egocentric, asses and the other half are loving, selfless, genuine people! The messed up thing is that he doesn't even care if he destroys Carter's chances of having a normal life! The only thing he cares about is the 20 grand that he got for selling the story to the press! All my uncles were always hitting dad up for cash and I'm not about to let that happen with me! Frank, I don't trust any of my extended family with the money that I've been sending to buy Makanan and diapers for Carter! From now on, I'm going to physically buy that stuff myself and mail it to them because I have a feeling the money is not going where I intend it to go! Grandma is too easily manipulated sejak my uncles for money and I think she's giving them the money I've been sending to put towards Carter! My family is so dysfunctional it's ridiculous!"
February 9, 2010,
I was sitting backstage after performing and thinking. Frank berkata "okay kid; we can go back to the hotel room I rented for the night.” My bodyguard Jeff got up from the chair he was sitting in and followed me to the back door of the konsert arena. He opened the door and I definitely wasn't prepared for what was on the other side. 30 paparazzi people immediately crowded me and started asking questions. "AJ, do anda miss your son? Are anda still in a relationship with Carter's father? When will anda be going back to the Havenhurst compound to see the baby?" I was blinded sejak all the flashing from their cameras as Jeff gently pushed me onto the tour bus.
Once we arrived at the hotel, Jeff, Frank, and I each went to our own hotel rooms. I sat down on the katil and took out my cell phone. I dialed Paris's number and waited for her to pick up. She berkata "hi AJ how was your konsert tonight?" I berkata "it went okay; is Carter still awake?" She berkata "yeah, he eating SpaghettiOs but; I'll put the phone on speaker so anda can talk to him." Paris berkata "mommy's on the phone Carter!" I smiled as I heard Carter berkata "hi mommy!" I berkata "I miss anda buddy!" Paris coached "say I miss anda too!" I laughed at his attempt to copy her because it sounded nothing like what she said. Paris berkata "he's so cute; he's always asking 'mommy come utama today? Mommy went bye-bye?'" I berkata "oh, that's adorable! I miss him so much! Okay, I'm going to go to katil now before I get too sad! I Cinta anda guys and I'll call anda tomorrow!"
March 3, 2010,
Frank, Jeff, and I walked into Tiger beat magazine headquarters and were greeted sejak a photographer. There were racks of clothes and baseball anugerah on a nearby table. The photographer asked "are anda excited to be in the magazine again?" I berkata "yeah; I can't believe that kids actually want to hang posters of me up in their rooms!"
sejak now, I was so used to foto shoots because pretty much every teen magazine has me right in the center of their cover; usually right seterusnya to Justin Bieber. The good thing about being a female artist is that I don't really see him as a threat because males have a whole different game plan and appeal. Whereas with me, I opened up the idea in today's culture that being a tomboy is just as good as being feminine!
After posing for hundreds of different possible posters, I signed some of the imej so they could be photocopied and blown up into poster sized. The magazine also had me autograph a few copies of my CD so they could use them as part of some of their monthly contests.
April 29, 2010,
I'm in Los Angeles and I just finished my concert. I jumped into the back kerusi, tempat duduk of the car that was waiting for Jeff, Frank, and I. We drove to Havenhurst and Frank berkata "I'm not going to go in! I hope anda have fun with your family during your break! We'll be back to pick anda up in a week!" I waved goodbye and ran down the driveway as fast as I possibly could.
I swung open the front door and casually walked into the living room waiting for my family to notice me. After five minutes, Prince looked up from the TV and shouted "AJ; your back!" Blanket ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist as I kissed the bahagian, atas of his head. He squeezed me and berkata "I missed anda so much!" I berkata "I missed anda too!" Grandma asked as she hugged me "how long are anda back for?" I berkata "only for a week but; I'm going to make the best of it! Where are Carter and Paris?" Prince berkata as he hugged me "Paris was giving him a bath last time I checked."
I ran upstairs and looked in the bathroom but nobody was there. I walked into my room to find Paris carrying Carter who was wrapped in a blue towel. Paris hugged me and berkata "I'm so glad you're back! I was just about to get him ready for bed." I playfully shoved her out of the room and berkata "don't worry about it; I'm back now! That's my job!"
I walked over to the katil where Carter sat still wrapped up in the towel and shivering. He smiled and berkata "mommy come home!" I smiled and berkata as I started to get him dressed "I missed my munchkin so much!" I sat down on the katil seterusnya to him as he flopped down on a pillow. I playfully put my hand up in the air and imitated a claw as I berkata "oh no; do anda know what this means?" He smiled and I noticed that all his baby teeth had finally come through. I berkata "the tickle monster is going get you!"
As I tickled his stomach, he laughed innocently as he looked up at me. I stopped so he could catch his breath and he climbed onto the bantal seterusnya to me. He berkata "I need ba-ba!" I got off the katil and passed him the baby bottle that was on the nightstand. I shut off the light and put the TV on SpongeBob SquarePants. He rested his head on my shoulder and I kissed his forehead. There was a moment of silence as he looked up at me and berkata something that warmed my heart. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and asked "mommy?" I asked "huh?" He brushed my cheek with his tiny hand and berkata "mommy, I Cinta you!"
I looked at him in the eyes and berkata "I Cinta anda lebih Carter!" The way he berkata that being only almost 18 months old made me want to cry! I could tell that he missed me just as much as I missed him! It's going to be so much harder to leave him at the end of this week!
April 30, 2010,
I walked through the door with Carter in my arms after taking him to the store to run a few errands. I noticed that there was someone sitting on the sofa, kerusi panjang seterusnya to grandma as I looked at the back of their heads. I put Carter down and he ran into the play room. Grandma turned around and berkata "it's good that you're back because I want to sort of introduce anda to someone!"
I sat down on the sofa, kerusi panjang and berkata as I looked at the blonde haired woman sitting seterusnya to grandma "Debbie; is that you?" She shook her head in agreement and I asked curious "what are anda doing here?" Grandma asked "you know how Prince and Paris have already met your mother?" I berkata "yeah but; what does that have to do with Debbie?" Debbie smiled and berkata "it's nice to officially meet my daughter for the first time!" I asked "what do anda mean your daughter?" She smiled and berkata "I'm your mother AJ!
I sat there stunned for about three minit then I said" wait… You're…" Before my mind could process what I just heard, I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me. Debbie followed me and berkata "Alanna; just let me talk to you!" I tried to get away from her unsuccessfully as I tripped on my shoe and fell to the ground. She put out her hand so she could help me up but I just looked at her and pushed myself off the ground. She grabbed my sleeve stopping me from running away and forced me to sit down on a bench.
Debbie berkata "I want to know what you're thinking?" I asked irritated "you really want to know what I'm thinking? Okay; I'll tell you! I'm thinking that I hate you! I'm a mother now and I don't understand how anda could just leave all three of us and never see us again! I haven't seen anda since early 1999! I know that I could never leave Carter for that long!" She berkata "it wasn't meant to be the typical mom and dad relationship! Your father and I never wanted it to be like that!" I berkata "I don't understand why anda didn't want visitation with us!" She berkata "I wanted your father to get the chance to be a dad! anda guys were my gift to him! It wasn't my job to raise you!" I berkata angrily "it would've been nice to have known anda were my mother this entire time! Do anda know how difficult it was for me growing up without a mom around?" She asked "in what way?" I berkata "it was extremely awkward for me when I had to say 'ummm dad; I think I'm having my first period!' Then have him run to the store to get tampons!" She looked down feeling guilty and berkata "I wasn't thinking about that kind of stuff when I decided not to play a role in your life." I snapped back "yeah well; anda should of! Dad wasn't much help when it came to woman things! He was completely freaked out and wanted nothing to do with it! I had to learn everything on my own!" She berkata "I'm sorry about that; I really am! I hope you'll forgive me!" I berkata "it's going to take a lot lebih than just saying you're sorry! Just give me my angkasa and I'll come to anda eventually when I get used to the idea of having a mom! Just don't force it on me because I'm not ready yet!" Debbie berkata "I completely understand and I don't want anda to feel obligated to spend time with me! Just know that I'm here for anda if anda ever need me for anything!"
The mood between us calmed down and I looked at Debbie and she burst out laughing. She berkata "I'm sorry but, I just have to know; how did your dad ever figure out what tampons to buy?" I chuckled as I remembered and berkata "he bought 10 different brands and basically threw them at me!" She berkata "I can totally picture your dad being like that!" I berkata "you should have seen the look on his face when I told him the first time that I started my period! His eyes were as big as saucers and he just stared at me for 15 minit straight only blinking a few times!" Debbie held her side as she continued to laugh and her eyes began to water. I berkata as I started to laugh just as hard "it took me an jam just to get dad to go to the store and get them! He just kept pacing back and forth in the dapur saying 'oh my gosh, oh my God! Are anda sure you're not just seeing things AJ? Please tell me it's not that!!!' Then I berkata 'it's definitely my period dad!' He was in denial about it! Looking back at it now, it was actually pretty funny!"
I was in Frank's car and we were on our way to the release party/CD signing because my album "Legacy" was released this morning. I looked out the window and then back at Frank as I berkata "these crowds of peminat-peminat just keep getting bigger and bigger!" The line of peminat-peminat stretched all the way around the Dunkin' Donat seterusnya to the Muzik store where the CD signing is being held. Frank got a worried on his face and I unbuckled my seatbelt.
There were some poorly built metal gates that separated the main entrance to the store and the fans. I walked alongside Frank as we made our way down the path to the front doors. I stepped a little closer to the gate so I could wave to the fans. Before I could walk away, one of the 13-year-old girls grabbed the strings on my baju panas, sweatshirt and tried to pull me closer. A teenage boy grabbed my arm and yanked me over the bahagian, atas of the gate. Frank obviously didn't notice as he continued to walk up to the doorway. I screamed "FRANK" at the bahagian, atas of my lungs. He turned around to see me lying on the ground having everything ripped away from me sejak the crazed fans!
Frank literally had to pick me up and hayun, swing me over his shoulder. He carried me inside to a back room of the store where they put all the extra inventory. He put me down and looked at me as I stood there with giant rips in my sweatshirt! He asked "ARE anda OKAY?" I berkata with a shaking voice "I think so! I've never seen people like that before; they are like savage animals! I think one of them ripped off one of the tali pinggang loops on my pants!" He took a sigh of relief and asked "are anda sure you're okay?" I berkata as my hands shook "yeah, it just freaked me out!" He berkata "I didn't think anda were at the point that anda needed to travel with security guards; I guess I was wrong! I was going to wait until a few days before anda go on tour to cari for a bodyguard but; I'm going to have to alih that up a little bit! Do anda think you're okay enough to go through with the CD signing?" I berkata "of course, I'm not going to let down all those peminat-peminat out there!"
I took off my baju panas, sweatshirt revealing my plain white T-shirt and followed Frank down the hallway. As we got closer to the main room, the two of us heard the peminat-peminat chanting "ALANNA, ALANNA, ALANNA!!!" I berkata "it's so weird hearing that because for years I was used to hearing people chanting dad's name!" He berkata "this is just the beginning kid! anda better get ready for your tour because that's going to be 10 times worse; I promise anda that!"
I walked into the room and thousands of peminat-peminat were waiting in a LONG line. I sat down at the meja, jadual in the front of the room with a backdrop of my "legacy" album cover behind me. The store security guided peminat-peminat through the line just long enough for me to sign their CD. After about four hours, everyone had had their CDs autographed and it was time to clear the store of customers so we could start the release party.
After waiting around for about an jam and playing with an application on my cell phone while the staff members set up for the party; people started to arrive. The first people to come were some of my family members, Prince, Paris, Blanket, my Aunt Latoya and grandma. They walked up to me and Prince sat down in the chair nearest to me. I looked up from my phone and asked "where's my uncles?" Aunt Latoya berkata "they berkata that they were too busy to come!" I berkata "seriously, all they ever do is sit around and they couldn't come for three hours to support my new album being released?"
Then a whole crowd of selebriti walked into the room and I think that's what I realized that I was one of those celebrities. Paris was definitely taking advantage of the opportunity to hang out with some of her role Model like the Jonas Brothers. As I was talking to Adam Sandler I felt someone tap my shoulder and turned around to see who it was. I was shocked to see Damien's mother Kate standing there. I hugged her with a smile on my face and asked "what are anda doing here? I didn't expect to see you!" She motioned for me to follow her outside because the Muzik was so loud indoors.
We walked outside and the two of us sat down on the curb. She berkata "I had come down here to tunjuk my support! I listened to the album the whole ride down here and it's amazing; especially man in the mirror!" I berkata "thanks for the compliment; did anda see Carter yet?" She berkata "yeah, he was sitting on Prince's lap and eating some potato chips off of his plate. Oh my gosh; he's getting so big!" I berkata "I know, he's walking and talking now!" She berkata "Damien told me that he came down here around Carter's birthday; how did that go?" I was debating in my mind whether atau not to tell her how it actually went but, I berkata "it was okay; I wasn't expecting it but it was okay."
I took a deep breath as I adjusted my backwards facing hat and berkata "so… I heard he has a girlfriend!" She berkata "yeah he does and he lives with her in her parent’s basement." I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he's living in some dusty old basement and I asked "what's her name?" She berkata "Amber I think." I looked at her confused and asked "you're not sure what her name is? Haven't anda met her?" Kate berkata "yeah I met her; she seems kind of snobby if anda ask me! I think her parents probably spoil her! Damien tried to convince me to let the two of them alih into my house and I told him that he needs to start growing up and being there for the baby! Did he spend time with Carter when he came to your grandmother's house?" I berkata "I tried to get him to but, he doesn't really want to interact with him!" She berkata "I hate to say this about my own son but, I don't think you're ever going to get through to him AJ; he's a Lost cause! I wouldn't waste your time on trying to fix him because I've tried and it doesn't seem to work! He's just in his own little world where he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything that he does; he's immature and that's all there is to it!"
I saw someone walking towards the building and berkata "oh my gosh, I think that's Jesse McCartney!" I started blushing and Kate clutched her side in laughter as she squeezed out the words "I don't think I've ever seen anda blush before! anda really think he's that cute?" As he got closer I whispered "not cute but damn sexy!" She started laughing hysterically as he was just a few feet away from us. Jesse walked up to me and hugged me as he berkata "longtime no see! I haven't seen anda since anda went to my tour in 2005!" I berkata while trying to play it cool "yeah, I Cinta your new album! It's in my truck right now!" He berkata "I can't stay too long but I just wanted to stop sejak and congratulate anda on your first album!" I berkata "that means a lot coming from you; thanks!" He berkata "no problem" and turned to go back the way he came. As he walked away, Kate berkata something but I wasn't paying attention. She snapped me out of it and asked "will anda stop checking out his butt?" I berkata as I blushed "sorry, I can't help it! He's just so perfect looking!"
January 31, 2010,
Frank had gone to go pick up my new tour bus while I spent an jam with my family before we left to go make our way to the first konsert on my "Legacy" tour; which is in Maine. I was helping Blanket with a videogame while Carter sat on my lap. I asked as I quickly glanced over at Prince "you haven't berkata much today; that's not like you! What's on your mind?" He stood up and berkata arrogantly "like anda care anyway!" He stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him and I looked at grandma confused. I took Carter off my lap and passed the PlayStation controller to Blanket. Grandma berkata "I wonder what's got into Prince!" I grabbed my truck keys off the counter in the dapur and berkata "I don't know but, I'm going to find out!" She asked "do anda need help finding him?" I berkata as I opened the front door "no, I have a pretty good idea of where he is!"
After driving around for 15 minit yelling his name out the window, I spotted Prince sitting down in front of the Lake. I pulled the truck in and berkata as he turned around to look at me "I figured anda might be here!" I shut the truck off and hopped out. I walked up to him and sat down in the grass. I asked "what's going on with you? What was that whole thing back at the house about?" He berkata something that I definitely wasn't expecting to hear "I don't want anda to leave!" I berkata "I thought anda would be excited that I'm going to be gone pretty much nonstop for eight months! anda and I are always arguing about something so, I figured anda would be excited to have a break from me!" He berkata "I was… Until today because it's finally hitting me that you're going to be gone for a while!" I berkata "you know that if anda ever need to talk all anda have to do is call my cell phone! The only time that I won't pick up is if I'm on stage but, I'll always return your calls afterwards. He berkata "it's not that, it's just that when you're here in makes me remember what it's like to have dad around again! I just keep picturing him lying on the ground and me knowing that he was already gone!"
I berkata as I put my arm around him "I know how anda feel because the same thing happens to me all the time! anda just have to remember the good times we had with dad when he was here!" Prince berkata "I just don't want to forget those memories because that's all we really have left of him now!" I asked as I started laughing "remember that time at Neverland when anda and I decided to have a submarine adventure in the bathtub when I was six and anda were three?" Prince berkata with a smile on his face "oh yeah, dad went to go get our towels and the two of us flooded the whole bathroom in a matter of minutes!" I laughed as I asked "remember, dad came back in with the towels and was slipping all over the place because of all the water and soap we got on the floor?" He berkata as he started to laugh "yeah, daddy was so frustrated with us because he had to spend hours mopping up the water that was 3 inches high!" I berkata "I don't think he ever left us alone to go get something ever again after that!"
Prince berkata "then there was that time when anda and I were fighting all hari and he tied the two of us together so we would have to get along? I berkata "yeah; I remember how much I hated anda that hari because anda didn't want to do anything that I wanted to! What about the sleepover's you, dad, and I used to have together right after Paris was born!" Prince berkata "I remember that! We would watch cable atau Filem and drink Chocolate milk!" Prince squinted his eyes and started laughing with an evil tone. He looked at me with a mischievous look on his face and I asked "what?" He berkata "now I remember! One time when you, dad, and I had fallen asleep watching a movie, anda had had four glasses of Chocolate susu and when we had gotten up the seterusnya morning anda had wet dad's bed!!!" I got defensive and berkata "I did not; you're imagining things!" He laughed and berkata "no, no I'm not! I remember cause anda berkata 'I'm sorry daddy! I didn't mean to!' Then I remembered dad saying 'it's no big deal! It happens sometimes! I'm not mad at you!' The seterusnya time he didn't let anda drink anything!" The memories came flooding back to me and I berkata trying to change the subject "alright, let's go utama and see my tour bus!”
Prince teased "okay, whatever anda say tomboy tinkler!!!" I playfully threatened as we climbed into the front kerusi, tempat duduk of my truck "you better not tell anyone about that Chocolate susu incident! What do anda expect? I was only five years old when that happened!" He didn't give me an answer as he stared down at my truck keys. He asked "how come anda have three keys? What are the other two for?" I berkata "I've been trying to figure that out since I got the truck! Nobody else knows what they're for either! I've tried them in every lock I own but neither of them works! At this point, I really don't think they belong to anything! I just think they are fake and just pretend!"
I pulled into the driveway at Havenhurst and caught my first glimpse of my tour bus. I opened my truck door and ran towards the bus. Blanket, Paris, Carter, and grandma stood outside and I berkata "wow the outside of the tour bus looks awesome!" I stared at the giant decal of what appeared to be dad's hand passing my hand his signature sequin glove; with the words "Alanna Jackson Legacy tour" written underneath it in emas lettering. Grandma started crying and berkata "the image is so symbolic! In a way when your dad signed anda to his record label he pretty much did pass that sarung tangan onto you!" I berkata "I never thought about it like that before. Please don't start crying; at least not yet because I don't have to leave for another 15 minutes!"
All of us walked onto the bus and I was starstruck! Prince berkata "wow, this is crazy!" I looked around and there was a leather sofa, kerusi panjang with a huge flatscreen TV and an Xbox 360 mounted on the table. I walked towards the back of the bus and there was a pretty good-sized room with a full-size bed. Then there were four bunkbeds that could be folded up to reveal lebih living space. I went back into the room with the full-sized katil and noticed the medium-sized bathroom. Frank berkata "I don't mean to glorify myself but, I think I did a pretty good job picking out this tour bus as your utama away from home!" I berkata "that's an understatement!"
Frank looked at his watch and berkata "I hate to tear anda away from your family AJ but, we have to get going because we have to pick up your new bodyguard in 10 minutes!" I sighed and berkata "this is so bittersweet because on one hand I'm getting to live out my childhood dream and on the other hand I don't want to leave anda guys behind; especially Carter!" Prince hugged me and berkata "I'm going to miss you! anda better come back and visit as often as anda can!" I berkata "of course I will!" Paris berkata "you better prepare yourself because now that I have a cell phone I'm going to text anda a lot!" I hugged her and berkata "I'm looking ke hadapan to it!" I looked down and Blanket and he started crying. I picked him up so his legs were wrapped around my waist and asked "what's wrong?" He berkata as he cried into my shoulder "I don't want anda to go! Eight months is too long!" I berkata "I'll see anda as much as I can during those eight months!" He berkata "I know but, it's not the same as having anda here every day!" I berkata "I'll be back before anda know it! My Los Angeles tunjuk is in two months and I'm going to stay here the night after the show! I kissed the bahagian, atas of his head and put him down. I looked over at grandma who was visibly upset and I berkata "I'll be back; I Cinta you!" She berkata as she hugged me "I Cinta anda too! Please be selamat, peti deposit keselamatan AJ!" I berkata "I will; I promise!" I looked at Carter with a halfhearted smile on my face and berkata "here comes the hardest part! I took Carter out of grandma's arms and berkata "I Cinta anda Carter! I'm going to miss you!" I don't think he knew how long I was going to be gone for because he's only 14 months old! I berkata as I kissed him "be good okay?" I passed him back to grandma and Frank berkata "okay, we'll see anda guys in April!" All of them walked off the bus and I stared out the window as the bus driver drove away.
February 1, 2010,
I woke up in my room inside the tour bus and looked over at the alarm clock to see that it was 7 AM. I didn't technically have to be up for another two hours because we wouldn't reach Maine until then. I sat up on the edge of my katil and rubbed my eyes. I stood up and looked in the mirror at my blonde hair that was sticking up in every direction.
After I took a shower, I walked out into the living room area and sat down on the leather couch. I looked over at Frank to see him lying on one of the twin size bunkbeds with his mouth wide open and snoring. I looked across from me and a tall athletic looking man was sitting down in a chair. I berkata "you must be my new bodyguard, my name is AJ and I'm sorry I was asleep sejak the time they picked anda up; atau else I would've introduced myself yesterday." He berkata "that's no big deal; my name is Jeff." I laughed at Frank's obnoxiously loud snoring and berkata "it doesn't sound like he's getting up anytime soon! anda must not have slept really good last night because anda were in the seterusnya katil over from him." Jeff berkata "it's not that bad as long as anda put a bantal over your head!"
While the bus driver drove us to the arena, I worked on my homeschooling. If dad didn't make it mandatory for me to finish high school I would've already dropped out sejak now. Being famous means lebih to me right now than being forced to do all this awful history paper work! History has always been my least kegemaran subject in school but, ironically it's probably the one that I understand the most! I'm obviously capable of getting all A's on my lapor card but, I've fallen so far behind since giving birth to Carter that I'm down to a D-. Looking back at it now, I definitely could've been lebih motivated and applied myself!
2 1/2 hours later, we pulled up in front of the Portland Civic Center and I looked out the window at the thousands upon thousands of peminat-peminat that crowded the streets. The tunjuk doesn't start until seven but some of those peminat-peminat have been waiting a while because they had tents and sleeping bags laid out on the sidewalk. Jeff looked out the window while Frank made a business call in my bedroom. Jeff berkata "those peminat-peminat must be freezing out there!" I berkata "we should buy some of them some hot chocolate!" He berkata "okay" and we walked to the nearby Dunkin' Donuts.
A few minit later, we walked out carrying a giant container of hot Chocolate and hundreds of Styrofoam cups. Jeff and I went back to the sidewalk where all the peminat-peminat were lined up. I passed out a few cups of hot Chocolate and then the chaos started. Once they realized that it was really me passing out the cups, they started freaking out! Some of them actually started crying and then I felt something touching my feet. I looked down and backed up as a boy attempted to steal my shoelace. I asked "do anda mind? That is my shoe anda know! I'm trying to do something nice for anda guys and anda just want to rip me to shreds!" Jeff berkata "hey, what do anda think you're doing boy? Get away from her shoes!" Jeff gently forced him backwards and I sighed with relief because I knew with Jeff here there wouldn't be a repeat of the CD signing!
As I sat backstage waiting for the opening acts to finish, Frank put his hand on my shoulder and berkata "get ready for this kid! This is just the beginning and don't forget… Every hari creates your history!" Those words stuck to me like glue as I bent down in the stage pembakar roti that's going to shoot me onto the stage for the opening song. The Muzik to "another part of me" paused in suspense as I shot onto the stage. anda could hear my feet slam on the ground as I landed and stood there in silence. I didn't move, didn't flinch, nothing, as I stood there in a emas suite like the one my dad wore in his "history" tour. If there's one thing that I was able to pick up from watching my dad perform when I was three years old, it was the power and importance of using suspense to captivate the audience.
I stood there still in silence and waited for a full minit before making a pantas, swift movement to the rim of my sunglasses. I slowly ran my fingers across the lenses as the crowd exploded into an uproar of screams. I yanked my sunglasses off and the Muzik started playing again.
After a few songs, it was time for a costume change and I rushed backstage dripping with sweat. As the crewmembers helped me quickly and efficiently put on my seterusnya outfit, Frank berkata "you're killing it out there kid! They Cinta you!!! I smiled as I drank from a water bottle that was telah diberi to me. I berkata "I'm happy to be out of that suit because it's really hot!"
Before leaving the stage after I had performed the last song of the show, I started talking to the audience "I want to say thank anda to all of anda for coming out to see me perform today! I appreciate all of anda that slept on the sidewalk days in advance!" I looked up at the ceiling and berkata "I hope I made anda proud tonight dad!" I looked back at the audience and berkata "thank anda all for coming from the bottom of my heart!" I left the stage and confetti fell from the ceiling onto the thousands of fans.
I walked backstage and sat exhausted on the couch. Before I even have the chance to catch my breath, Frank, Jeff, and the rest of the crew came running over to me. Frank berkata "that was awesome AJ! Your dad would be so proud of you!" They all showered me with compliments and then I heard my phone ringing. I put it up to my ear and berkata "hello." Grandma asked excitedly "how did it go?" I berkata "it was awesome! Now I know what dad was talking about when he berkata stuff about having an adrenaline rush when anda go out there!" Prince interrupted "we miss anda AJ!" I berkata "I miss anda guys too! How is my little munchkin doing?" Grandma berkata "he's doing well; I think he's a bit confused about why you're not here with us." I asked "can I talk to him?" She berkata sympathetically "I would go get him but, Paris is getting him to fall asleep and if he hears your voice right now he'll be up all night!" I berkata with disappointment in my voice "okay, I understand. I'll talk to anda guys tomorrow I guess." I hung up the phone and tossed it down seterusnya to me on the couch. I didn't like the idea of not being able to talk to Carter. I wasn't mad at my grandmother; I was mad at myself in a way for not being able to call him before his bedtime! This is the longest amount of time that I've spent away from him since he's been born and it's going to take some getting used to!
February, 8, 2010,
Today was my hari off and we were in Virginia. We rented a hotel room and I wanted to go get something to snack on. Jeff and I walked into a family-run grocery store and I immediately went for the junk, sarap Makanan aisles. I picked out everything from gummy bears to cheddar cheese potato chips and followed Jeff safely to the checkout line. There were quite a few people ahead of us so; I decided to look at a magazine that was on the rack seterusnya to me.
I searched for one and saw something that caught my eye. I picked up the latest issue of "people magazine" and looked at the cover. I couldn't believe it; there right in the center was a huge picture of Prince carrying Carter into Walmart. That part didn't bother me but, then I read the title. It berkata "which Jackson family member has a secret child? Turn to page 70 to find out!" I frantically flipped through the pages and there was a whole artikel about Carter! I looked at the pictures and they were personal pictures that I had taken of him. I read as I bit my lip angrily:
“I bet you're all wondering who this cute little guy is; well we finally found out! According to Jermaine Jackson, he is surprisingly Michael Jackson's firstborn daughter Alanna Jackson's son Carter Shawn Jackson. I know; that's surprising! Apparently, AJ had Carter in November 2008 when she was only 14 years old. I would've expected better of Michael's extremely sheltered children than to become a teenage mother. Jermaine says that the extended Jackson family has never met the baby's father and he is unsure if AJ still keeps in contact with him. We'll keep anda telah diposkan about any new information on the baby. In the meantime, anda can see Alanna Jackson on her 'Legacy’ tour. I wonder who's watching her son while she's traveling?"
I quickly threw the money for the magazine on the counter and dashed to the tour bus that was waiting outside for us. Frank looked at me as I stormed onto the bus and sat down at the table. I dialed uncle Jermaine's phone number and put it up to my ear. He berkata "hello AJ; it's nice to have anda call me!" I snapped back "don't bullshit me!" He asked "what's wrong?" I berkata "what's wrong? What's wrong is that anda sold a story about Carter to the press! I know anda did because anda were the only one that had the kata laluan to my computer where they got those pictures I took of him! I can't believe that anda would sell my sons opportunity to have a normal life! That's so low of anda and I hate anda for that! I'll never forgive you! anda may be able to manipulate grandma into getting what anda want but, anda sure as hell aren't going to do it to me! Are anda that desperate for attention? Go to hell; anda jerk!"
I hung up the phone as Frank sat there shaking his head in disbelief. I ripped the magazine and half and stomped on it. Jeff berkata "I can't believe your uncle would do that to Carter! Now for the rest of Carter's life the press will be all over him!" I berkata "I was planning to raise Carter as normal as possible but I guess that's not going to happen now! What a lot of people don't know is that half of my family is money hungry, egocentric, asses and the other half are loving, selfless, genuine people! The messed up thing is that he doesn't even care if he destroys Carter's chances of having a normal life! The only thing he cares about is the 20 grand that he got for selling the story to the press! All my uncles were always hitting dad up for cash and I'm not about to let that happen with me! Frank, I don't trust any of my extended family with the money that I've been sending to buy Makanan and diapers for Carter! From now on, I'm going to physically buy that stuff myself and mail it to them because I have a feeling the money is not going where I intend it to go! Grandma is too easily manipulated sejak my uncles for money and I think she's giving them the money I've been sending to put towards Carter! My family is so dysfunctional it's ridiculous!"
February 9, 2010,
I was sitting backstage after performing and thinking. Frank berkata "okay kid; we can go back to the hotel room I rented for the night.” My bodyguard Jeff got up from the chair he was sitting in and followed me to the back door of the konsert arena. He opened the door and I definitely wasn't prepared for what was on the other side. 30 paparazzi people immediately crowded me and started asking questions. "AJ, do anda miss your son? Are anda still in a relationship with Carter's father? When will anda be going back to the Havenhurst compound to see the baby?" I was blinded sejak all the flashing from their cameras as Jeff gently pushed me onto the tour bus.
Once we arrived at the hotel, Jeff, Frank, and I each went to our own hotel rooms. I sat down on the katil and took out my cell phone. I dialed Paris's number and waited for her to pick up. She berkata "hi AJ how was your konsert tonight?" I berkata "it went okay; is Carter still awake?" She berkata "yeah, he eating SpaghettiOs but; I'll put the phone on speaker so anda can talk to him." Paris berkata "mommy's on the phone Carter!" I smiled as I heard Carter berkata "hi mommy!" I berkata "I miss anda buddy!" Paris coached "say I miss anda too!" I laughed at his attempt to copy her because it sounded nothing like what she said. Paris berkata "he's so cute; he's always asking 'mommy come utama today? Mommy went bye-bye?'" I berkata "oh, that's adorable! I miss him so much! Okay, I'm going to go to katil now before I get too sad! I Cinta anda guys and I'll call anda tomorrow!"
March 3, 2010,
Frank, Jeff, and I walked into Tiger beat magazine headquarters and were greeted sejak a photographer. There were racks of clothes and baseball anugerah on a nearby table. The photographer asked "are anda excited to be in the magazine again?" I berkata "yeah; I can't believe that kids actually want to hang posters of me up in their rooms!"
sejak now, I was so used to foto shoots because pretty much every teen magazine has me right in the center of their cover; usually right seterusnya to Justin Bieber. The good thing about being a female artist is that I don't really see him as a threat because males have a whole different game plan and appeal. Whereas with me, I opened up the idea in today's culture that being a tomboy is just as good as being feminine!
After posing for hundreds of different possible posters, I signed some of the imej so they could be photocopied and blown up into poster sized. The magazine also had me autograph a few copies of my CD so they could use them as part of some of their monthly contests.
April 29, 2010,
I'm in Los Angeles and I just finished my concert. I jumped into the back kerusi, tempat duduk of the car that was waiting for Jeff, Frank, and I. We drove to Havenhurst and Frank berkata "I'm not going to go in! I hope anda have fun with your family during your break! We'll be back to pick anda up in a week!" I waved goodbye and ran down the driveway as fast as I possibly could.
I swung open the front door and casually walked into the living room waiting for my family to notice me. After five minutes, Prince looked up from the TV and shouted "AJ; your back!" Blanket ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist as I kissed the bahagian, atas of his head. He squeezed me and berkata "I missed anda so much!" I berkata "I missed anda too!" Grandma asked as she hugged me "how long are anda back for?" I berkata "only for a week but; I'm going to make the best of it! Where are Carter and Paris?" Prince berkata as he hugged me "Paris was giving him a bath last time I checked."
I ran upstairs and looked in the bathroom but nobody was there. I walked into my room to find Paris carrying Carter who was wrapped in a blue towel. Paris hugged me and berkata "I'm so glad you're back! I was just about to get him ready for bed." I playfully shoved her out of the room and berkata "don't worry about it; I'm back now! That's my job!"
I walked over to the katil where Carter sat still wrapped up in the towel and shivering. He smiled and berkata "mommy come home!" I smiled and berkata as I started to get him dressed "I missed my munchkin so much!" I sat down on the katil seterusnya to him as he flopped down on a pillow. I playfully put my hand up in the air and imitated a claw as I berkata "oh no; do anda know what this means?" He smiled and I noticed that all his baby teeth had finally come through. I berkata "the tickle monster is going get you!"
As I tickled his stomach, he laughed innocently as he looked up at me. I stopped so he could catch his breath and he climbed onto the bantal seterusnya to me. He berkata "I need ba-ba!" I got off the katil and passed him the baby bottle that was on the nightstand. I shut off the light and put the TV on SpongeBob SquarePants. He rested his head on my shoulder and I kissed his forehead. There was a moment of silence as he looked up at me and berkata something that warmed my heart. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and asked "mommy?" I asked "huh?" He brushed my cheek with his tiny hand and berkata "mommy, I Cinta you!"
I looked at him in the eyes and berkata "I Cinta anda lebih Carter!" The way he berkata that being only almost 18 months old made me want to cry! I could tell that he missed me just as much as I missed him! It's going to be so much harder to leave him at the end of this week!
April 30, 2010,
I walked through the door with Carter in my arms after taking him to the store to run a few errands. I noticed that there was someone sitting on the sofa, kerusi panjang seterusnya to grandma as I looked at the back of their heads. I put Carter down and he ran into the play room. Grandma turned around and berkata "it's good that you're back because I want to sort of introduce anda to someone!"
I sat down on the sofa, kerusi panjang and berkata as I looked at the blonde haired woman sitting seterusnya to grandma "Debbie; is that you?" She shook her head in agreement and I asked curious "what are anda doing here?" Grandma asked "you know how Prince and Paris have already met your mother?" I berkata "yeah but; what does that have to do with Debbie?" Debbie smiled and berkata "it's nice to officially meet my daughter for the first time!" I asked "what do anda mean your daughter?" She smiled and berkata "I'm your mother AJ!
I sat there stunned for about three minit then I said" wait… You're…" Before my mind could process what I just heard, I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me. Debbie followed me and berkata "Alanna; just let me talk to you!" I tried to get away from her unsuccessfully as I tripped on my shoe and fell to the ground. She put out her hand so she could help me up but I just looked at her and pushed myself off the ground. She grabbed my sleeve stopping me from running away and forced me to sit down on a bench.
Debbie berkata "I want to know what you're thinking?" I asked irritated "you really want to know what I'm thinking? Okay; I'll tell you! I'm thinking that I hate you! I'm a mother now and I don't understand how anda could just leave all three of us and never see us again! I haven't seen anda since early 1999! I know that I could never leave Carter for that long!" She berkata "it wasn't meant to be the typical mom and dad relationship! Your father and I never wanted it to be like that!" I berkata "I don't understand why anda didn't want visitation with us!" She berkata "I wanted your father to get the chance to be a dad! anda guys were my gift to him! It wasn't my job to raise you!" I berkata angrily "it would've been nice to have known anda were my mother this entire time! Do anda know how difficult it was for me growing up without a mom around?" She asked "in what way?" I berkata "it was extremely awkward for me when I had to say 'ummm dad; I think I'm having my first period!' Then have him run to the store to get tampons!" She looked down feeling guilty and berkata "I wasn't thinking about that kind of stuff when I decided not to play a role in your life." I snapped back "yeah well; anda should of! Dad wasn't much help when it came to woman things! He was completely freaked out and wanted nothing to do with it! I had to learn everything on my own!" She berkata "I'm sorry about that; I really am! I hope you'll forgive me!" I berkata "it's going to take a lot lebih than just saying you're sorry! Just give me my angkasa and I'll come to anda eventually when I get used to the idea of having a mom! Just don't force it on me because I'm not ready yet!" Debbie berkata "I completely understand and I don't want anda to feel obligated to spend time with me! Just know that I'm here for anda if anda ever need me for anything!"
The mood between us calmed down and I looked at Debbie and she burst out laughing. She berkata "I'm sorry but, I just have to know; how did your dad ever figure out what tampons to buy?" I chuckled as I remembered and berkata "he bought 10 different brands and basically threw them at me!" She berkata "I can totally picture your dad being like that!" I berkata "you should have seen the look on his face when I told him the first time that I started my period! His eyes were as big as saucers and he just stared at me for 15 minit straight only blinking a few times!" Debbie held her side as she continued to laugh and her eyes began to water. I berkata as I started to laugh just as hard "it took me an jam just to get dad to go to the store and get them! He just kept pacing back and forth in the dapur saying 'oh my gosh, oh my God! Are anda sure you're not just seeing things AJ? Please tell me it's not that!!!' Then I berkata 'it's definitely my period dad!' He was in denial about it! Looking back at it now, it was actually pretty funny!"
