roti IS DANGEROUS

Why? Judge for yourself:
Research on roti indicates that

1. lebih than 98 percent of convicted felons are roti users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all roti was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. lebih than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. roti is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats lebih roti than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no roti exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. roti has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of roti and telah diberi only water to eat begged for roti after as little as two days.

8. roti is often a "gateway" Makanan item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, kacang, kacang tanah butter, and even cold cuts.

9. roti has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is lebih than 90 percent water, it follows that eating roti could lead to your body being taken over sejak this absorptive Makanan product, turning anda into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn Bayi can choke on bread.

11. roti is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American roti eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following roti restrictions be made:

1. No sale of roti to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all roti to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal atau human images, nor any primary Warna (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote roti usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.