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posted by MarMar_XigLux
Okay, first thing's first. Determine whether atau not anda are actually in a horror movie. Let's weigh the factors:

* anda are, most likely, a bored teenager with nothing to do.
* anda are, most likely, considerably worthless to society.
* anda are, most likely, an idiot.
* anda have, most likely, attracted the attention of a maniac in the past 24 hours.
* You, for no reason in particular, are looking up hints on how to survive in a horror movie.

-----

The following rules apply universally to nearly all horror movies. Print them out and keep them in your wallet. Glance at them every five minit atau so. Memorize them, and murmur them incessantly.

1. No sex. At all. To be safe, no masturbation either, and do not get naked. Trust me. anda do not want to get killed when anda are naked.
2. No drugs atau alcohol.
3. Never go out to investigate strange noises.
4. Never perpecahan, berpecah up when anda are in a large group.
5. Never say, "I'll be right back," because anda won't.
6. Never watch a horror movie while anda are in a horror movie.
7. Remember that dark alleys and basements are under no circumstances "safe zones". Also, since no one is ever lucky in horror movies, seven is not a lucky number.
8. Neither mock nor laugh at death atau monsters. They hear all and will take vengeance.
9. Immediately run if anda hear any of the following phrases: "A boy's best friend is his mother," "Here's Johnny," "I see dead people," "Let Jesus fuck you," "Thinner," "A census taker once tried to test me," or, "I wanna play a game". "Heavy breathing through a mask that can be highly seen in heavily dark areas."
10. If your car just happens to stall while near an old mansion in the rain in a rural area, it was probably planned.
11. Trust madness combat style shoop da whoop.
12. Don't take a shower, because some whacko will probably be right there waiting. (The perv!)
13. FORBIDDEN NUMBER!!! FORBIDDEN NUMBER!!!
14. Just stay away from summer camp.
15. Strange noises are never "just the cat". For the Cinta of God, anda don't even own a cat!
16. Avoid plaid shirts like mad.
17. Zombies take advantage of falling. Pay attention to the ground at all times.
18. Pay attention to the crazy old guy, town drunk atau scientist. They all have useful advice.
19. Screaming acts as a magnet for the mentally unstable.
20. Curses do not have a "sell by" date. Being on an ancient Indian graveyard will not help this.
21. Stick to a location near other people. Ever wondered why maniacs target log cabins?
22. Someone has escaped from the local prison? anda might wanna tune into that report.
23. If anda anger a gypsy, make it your number one priority to make peace immediately.
24. As a rule of thumb, any place other than your house is not safe.
25. Come to think of it, your house isn't too safe, either. Try building a panic room.
26. Oh, wait, never mind.
27. MULTIPLE OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER! MULTIPLE OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER!!!!
28. When a scary ventriloquist dummy turns up in the mail, don't leave it in your room, get the hell out of your house!
29. Easygoing nice guys with monosyllabic first names, their girlfriends, and children all automatically win in the end.
30. In contrast, slutty goth bitches, fat deputies, and jocks never do.
31. If anda are lucky enough to, oh, say, knock out a madman with a shovel -- for the Cinta of God don't drop the shovel and run away. anda STAY there and BEAT HIS keldai DEAD WITH THAT SHOVEL.
32. Listen to the audience; they are way smarter than anda will ever be.
33. Go for the eyes. Psycho killers are unnerved when anda kick them in the groin, unless they're pussies.
34. Do not take this so called "shortcut".
35. If anda do, take a close look at the bloody cars in the pit and keep a gun in your pocket.
36. And play this where there is killing (sorry I Lost the link...). Having jib dance during the kills make It cooler. and, it will cause the killer to go, WTF? It would be hilarious if someboy raped their friend to the music.
37. The police are useless and will distract you. Throw a donut off a cliff to get rid of these pests, make sure anda get their Pistol first.
38. If anda are in a forest with wood stick figures, you're screwed. Might as well kill yourself.
39. If a little kid tells anda that he saw a ghost atau a scary man, BELIEVE HIM!!!
40. Pay attention to musical cues.
41. ANOTHER MULTIPLE OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER! ANOTHER MULTIPLE OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER!!!!!
42. If you're black, anda will have the best advice, but anda will become the scapegoat and die first anyway.
43. On the plus side, anda get to say "motherfucker" a lot while you're still around.
44. Watch out for twist endings.
45. HOLY SHIT, LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!!
46. Ha! Gotcha.
47. If the killer has a mask of some kind, tear it off. Somehow this has a greater priority over killing them.
48. Say "fuck" a lot. It helps build tension. #awsome if ur in a horror movie with a phycho killer then he probably knows were u live so stay in ur room with a lot of shot Pistol and when he comes in don't just starr at him and scream like a pussy BLOW HIS MOTHER FUCKING BRAINS OUT
49. Above all, just use your basic common sense.
50. Oh, wait . . .
51. Don't scream atau your keldai is cooked.
52. Huge boobs spell death.
53. Since the audience won't care enough to remember your name anyway, consider name tags.
54. YET ANOTHER MULTIPLE OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER!!! YET ANOTHER MULTIPLE OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER!!!
55. Do not fall asleep. Ever.
56. Consider the possibility that you've been dead since the movie began.
57. atau maybe anda are the killer!
58. If an item has "evil"/"demonic"/"cursed"/etc in its name/description, this is NOT your cue to start playing with it.
59. The sebelumnya rule goes DOUBLE for any sort of "Puzzle box", especially one that is berkata to open up a portal to Hell.
60. Never trust a wish-granting device/person in a horror movie; either the wish will come true with some horrible, ironic twist, atau it will exact a terrible price (e.g. your SOUL, your kidneys, your genitals, all three, etc.)
61. The full moon is not a good time to go out and "watch the stars in the country".
62. Stay out of phone booths,with the exception of jib clones dancing outside.
63. Be extra extra careful in any movie subtitled "The Final Chapter"; they'll try to squeeze in a higher body count.
64.Don't tell people the rules! Just let them die and get the fuck away from Ghostface, Randy, anda bitch!
65. If anda happen to be Paris Hilton, run around in circles out in an open field, yelling, "Oh, someone save me!" This way the killer can go after your retarded ass, buying time for everyone else. Why? 'Cause most of the world considers anda a bloody waste of oxygen, slut.
66. All things considered, wouldn't anda really be doing the world a favor sejak dying, anyway?
67. HOW MANY MULTIPLES OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER WILL WE GO THROUGH??? HOW MANY MULTIPLES OF FORBIDDEN NUMBER WILL WE GO THROUGH???
68. Never hide around the corner. The killer can still see the camera pointing at you.
69. If anda have a gun and see something mutating, do not stare, SHOOT IT!
70. If anda kill one small creepy slug/spider/incect thingy, it will have either lots of Friends atau a big mama near sejak to kill you.
71. Make sure to wear contacts, glasses will fall off the worst of times.
72. Fog and night is your worst enemy, so stay in the sun as long as possible.
73. Always have someone sit in the back kerusi, tempat duduk of your car, so that the evil ghost chasing anda will not appear their, and tell anda if there is the murderer in the car.
74. Lure aliens somewhere else with food. Failing food, throw an unliked member of your party in front of them and run. Failing an unliked member of your party, convince the alien to go vegan.
75. OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!
76. Shit, how many times are anda gonna fall for that?
77. If your TV/Computer/PSP is cursed and a ghost is coming through, turning it off will not stop it, nor unplugging. Just wait until it's partial out of screen, then beat a crap out of it.
78. Didn't we already cover that? Ah who cares...
79. Do not watch any video that your Friends beg anda to watch, it is cursed.
80. OKAY THIS IS GETTING OLD!!!!!OKAY THIS IS GETTING OLD!!!!!
81. If the orchestral score starts to rise in any way, watch your back.
82. If a place looks old and haunted, it definitely is.
83. Never talk to clowns in sewers.
84. Do not run, anda will trip, break your leg, and the villain will catch you, the slasher knows anda will, that is why they never push themselves.
85. God nor his men cannot help you, never.
86. On the other hand, his zealots can burn anda on stake.
87. Other kind of gods are very active however, especially those that demand human sacrification.
88. After killing the monster, stab it a couple times lebih just to make sure it's dead.
89. Avoid picking up hitchikers. At all costs.
90. After someone says "Look behind you!" and is just teasing you, when they say it again, be sure to run as fast as anda can. Do not say the words "I'm not falling for that stupid trick one lebih time" atau any variation on those words.
91. Always say the Ezekiel 25:17 when someone gets killed. That way, when he tries to kill again, he'll miss the victim.It's called " Divine Intervention"(btw....D.I. is an invention of Samuel L.Jackson).
92. Always have a dog with you.
93. If the dog goes towards the dark, and than anda hear him squeal, RUN!
94. IT'S ALMOST OVER!!!!IT'S ALMOST OVER!!!!
95. Never try to be funny. Ever.
96. Don't scream AAAAAAAA! once every ten seconds.
97. If anda Are In The Armory, The Clay Guy Will Challenge You,Don't Scream,JUST FIGHT!If He Catches Up To You, Farewell, Amigo.
98. Bonus:Use A Butcher pisau On Him,The He Will Die.
99. Don't be a hero
100. Shoot at all cost, Don't rethink
101. Stay away from creepy kids, they are creepy for a reason (remain close to cute kids though).
102. Bring a slow friend
103. Never answer the phone.
104. But the most important rule...the single most sacred, that anda most follow at all cost in order to SURVIVE, is to never, NEVER, EVER, look up a 'how to survive list' because surely anda will get killed.
1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on atau off.

2.Blow your nose and offer to tunjuk the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of anda just shut UP!

4.Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

5.Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7.Shave.

8.Crack open your beg bimbit atau purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9.Offer name Tag to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10.Stand silent...
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Hello! Gabriella here. :D I will tell anda all these: What dates & Why anda don't want your birthday on these days.

1- New Year's hari
You don't know what your celebrating. Your birthday atau the new year.

2-Groundhog's Day
I think this is an American thing but, anda know how if anda see the shadow, this happens, if not, that happens? Yeah, why anda ask? Groundhog. People complaining about the outcome.
2-Valentine's Day
Your loved a bit too much.
2-Leap Year
This day, only comes, once every four years. Why would anda want to celebrate it today?

4-April Fool's Day
You get pranked on your own birthday. What...
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posted by snusnu13
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. The light breeze was making the leaves of the trees rustle lightly and the birds were chirping their afternoon songs. In a small yard there lay a dog on the soft, green grass. This dog was brown and white patched, and had light green eyes. She had no ears, as they were cut off when she was a puppy, but her ear canal remained, so she could still hear.

As the dog chewed on her bone, a teenage girl stepped into the backyard. The dog looked up and saw her 14 tahun old owner, Sally. Sally had tanned skin, with dark brown hair tied into a ponytail, a triangular...
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1. anda fall down the stairs.

2. A pokok falls down on you.

3. A llama spits in your face.

4. anda eat i poisioned cookie.

5. A roccon with rabies jumps in your face and bites your face.

6. anda are making out with a person and then anda trow up in their mouth
.
7. A crystle light thing falls on your head.

8. Your bantal gets a face and bites anda head off.

9. Your dog stands up and says I hate anda and then runs away.

10. Your eating pankakes, their is a rotten egg in to, anda get slmonila, go to the hospital, the doctors say that anda are going to die, then anda die.

11. When anda are dieing your crush says that...
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1. read
2. go outside
3. do ur homework
4. go around the house saying Rawak things until u cry laughing
5. continue Membaca this
6. Walk up to siblings and say Rawak things until they hit u and then say u r cracking them up
7. play cards
8. dance
9. play checkers
10.read about canadian dudes
11. hit ur siblings, run 2 mommy and say, They hit me!!!!!
12. go on utube
13.talk on phone 4 hrs.
14. go on another fanclub
15. try 2 find me on Facebook and figure out im not on, i dnt have an account
16. go on Google look up jay leno, find 15 jokes and have a 13 round comedy c ontest with ur bff
17. write on ur wall
18. write on other peoples walls
19. add Rawak people as ur fans
20. read another forum.
Are anda addicted? Are anda a super fan? Are anda just a person who likes being enthusiastic about things? Are anda on Fanpop too much?

1. anda see something anda like, and think Oh, I want to peminat that club!

2. anda start shipping people anda know atau see.

3. anda hear something awesome and immediately look for the Best Answer button.

4. anda hear something awesome and immediately want to go on Fanpop and change your motto.

5. anda hear something and anda want to komen on it.

6. anda have great ideas of something anda should post on Fanpop at completely Rawak times of day.

7. anda get a new kegemaran and HAVE to...
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posted by kitkat709477
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will anda marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my room mates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no lebih kacang, kacang tanah butter."
"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and anda have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea...
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okay, on my 5 completely Rawak things to do...

5) sing the alphabet backwards in german while painting a picture of yourself riding a tandem bike
4) clip out something from the newspaper and tape it to your shirt
3) try to do the chicken dance as long as anda can
2) walk into walmart and ask where the nearest walmart is and directions to it
1) scream "where did i put my flaming green octopus?" as loud as anda can in a public place (ie. school, mall...bathroom)

i recommend anda try these. 2 and 1 are my faves.
posted by 3nala
3nala said:
"Yo whazzup mah homiehs?"

{screams something incoherent about peanut butter}

"I like waffles with peanut butter."

{is bored}



{screams something incoherent about dynamite and bananas}

"Oh well..."

{screams something completely incoherent}

"Ooh look at teh pretty birdses..."



{starts humming to the tune of 'U Can't Touch This'}

{Stares down a digital picture of GIR, then screams something incoherent about tacos}

"How did pig tracks get on the ceiling?"

{sings 'Spider-Pig'}

{Screams something incoherent about exploding squirrels}

"I told the man I was innocent, but the gun in my...
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Don't cheat! :) DO NOT CHEAT atau IT WON'T WORK AND anda WILL WISH anda HADN'T. TAKE 3 MINUTES! TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK anda OUT. DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT. IT'S WORTH A TRY. 1st. Get a PEN and PAPER. 2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT anda ACTUALLY KNOW. 3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results. 4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME DON'T READ AHEAD otherwise anda WILL RUIN THE FUN. 1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT. ~ 2. seterusnya to the NUMBERS 1 and 2, WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS anda WANT. ~ 3....
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The bahagian, atas six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as anda have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command atau File Name" is about as informative as

"If anda don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as anda make a commitment to one, anda find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
posted by kitkat709477
1.everyone around anda has an attitude problem
2.your adding Chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3.the dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4.your husband/boyfriend is suddenly agreeing to everything anda say
5.your using your cellphone to dial up every bumpersticker that says "hows my driving call 1-800-***-dating"
6.everyone head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7.you're convinced theres a god and he's male
8.you're counting down the days till menopause
9.you're sure everyone is scheming to dive anda crazy
10.the ibuprofen bottle is empty and anda just bought it yesterday
11.you just want to punch someone without a reason
12.if anda start wondering if pms is excuse to get away with murder
13.if anda were to busy thinking about ways to kill the last person who got on your nerves to realize I was only supposed to give anda 10

a little starotype but funny
*i didn't write this,just so anda know*
posted by HNismyfriend
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a Brave who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This Brave had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved,...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that anda just wanna punch in the face , then someohow , anda end up in a relationship with them , anda fall in Cinta , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing anda want to burn either (:]) Well if anda still have feelings for that person im gonna help anda get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap anda guys (: , ohk so anda could first start off sejak doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave anda on api, kebakaran ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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If you’re an animal lover, like me, this story might be to much to take. But I can’t believe people can be so cruel. But I believe that when someone abuses a poor defenseless animal, that someone should be telah diberi LIFE in prison without the possibility atau parole.

A Mesa, Arizona man who killed a 6-week-old kitten after a pet ular sawa, python refused to eat it was telah diberi three years of supervised probation on Friday.

Jeremy Tuffly, 29, pleaded guilty May 11 in Maricopa County Superior Court to one count of cruelty to animals, a Class 6 felony, court records show.

The charge followed after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office deputies learned of a DVD menunjukkan Tuffly repeatedly throwing the kitten at the ular sawa, python in 2002 in an attempt to get the snake to attack it, according to MCSO.

When the ular sawa, python failed to eat the kitten, Tuffly kicked it across the yard, authorities previously said. The kitten then died.
okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf atau date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the seterusnya time.....thank u all for Membaca this..and plz komen ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
posted by tooch
I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think atau relate to these, in some way atau another:

-When anda forget someone's name anda wait for someone else to say it so anda don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't padam my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and anda are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are anda kidding me?' even though anda know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like...
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1.we hate it when anda grab our asses!!!(unless we are hoes)

2.when anda cheat,we hate anda and everything that has to do with you

3.dont act like anda understand PMS,because anda dont.So stop Berlakon like it.

4.when anda stare at other girls,and we stare at other boys,and anda get all pissed off,you have no reason to speak.So anda may as well stfu.

5.when anda flirt,we flirt back,sometimes when we don't like you.and then we feel bad.So if anda arent sure,dont flirt.

6.If we like a celebritey(ex:Orlando Bloom,Zac Efron,Bill Kaulitz,etc etc.)and we say they are hot,dont act like anda dont care.We want...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If anda have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal sejak conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what anda think."

7. Claim that anda must always wear a bicycle topi keledar as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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So you've just traveled to a foreign country, taken a subway anda never take, atau teleported to medieval England due to a time travel mishap. Your surroundings are strange, confusing, and possibly haunted. But instead of freaking out—due to frustration, confusions, and ghosts, respectively—you should follow these expert pointers to get yourself from Lost to un-lost.

1) DO ask for directions. DO NOT ask an axe murderer for directions.
People who see anda crying over a crumpled map are almost always helpful (axe murderers being a notable exception). Look for some official-seeming person atau kindly...
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