This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually berkata in court, word for word, taken down and published sejak court reporters. Just goes to tunjuk how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are anda sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were anda in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: anda forget? Can anda give us an example of something anda forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband berkata to anda that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do anda know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: anda do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the seterusnya morning?
WITNESS: Did anda actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were anda present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are anda shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the tarikh of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were anda doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are anda for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: sejak death.
ATTORNEY: And sejak whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do anda suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can anda describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male atau a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have anda performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would anda like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did anda go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do anda recall the time that anda examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the meja, jadual wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are anda qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are anda qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before anda performed the autopsy, did anda check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did anda check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did anda check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when anda began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can anda be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my meja in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually berkata in court, word for word, taken down and published sejak court reporters. Just goes to tunjuk how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are anda sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were anda in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: anda forget? Can anda give us an example of something anda forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband berkata to anda that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do anda know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: anda do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the seterusnya morning?
WITNESS: Did anda actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were anda present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are anda shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the tarikh of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were anda doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are anda for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: sejak death.
ATTORNEY: And sejak whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do anda suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can anda describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male atau a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have anda performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would anda like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did anda go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do anda recall the time that anda examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the meja, jadual wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are anda qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are anda qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before anda performed the autopsy, did anda check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did anda check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did anda check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when anda began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can anda be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my meja in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
found this on the net:
5 Ways to Confuse, Worry, atau Just Scare the Bejeezus Out Of People In A Computer Lab
1) Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream, "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2) Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes, and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone that looks at you.
3) When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that anda can't get the damn thing to work. After s/he's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
4) Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person seterusnya to anda evily.
5) Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's setup with.
5 Ways to Confuse, Worry, atau Just Scare the Bejeezus Out Of People In A Computer Lab
1) Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream, "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2) Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes, and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone that looks at you.
3) When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that anda can't get the damn thing to work. After s/he's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
4) Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person seterusnya to anda evily.
5) Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's setup with.
