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HELP! please :)

I've been working on a very short story called "Haunted Lullaby" but I can't seem to make it work. Maybe it's just me but I feel like there is something drastically wrong with it. I also need help with the grammar. It's only a few paragraphs...could someone please just look it over? Give me honest criticism.

Here is the link: link

thanks I'll Cinta anda forever :)

Buffygirl1988 posted hampir setahun yang lalu

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Thalia_huntress said:

i'll help i need something to keep me busy :)

select as best answer

posted hampir setahun yang lalu

Thanks so much :)

Buffygirl1988 posted hampir setahun yang lalu

i Cinta it and all u need is to put your not anda and relised is spelled relized i hope i helped i really would Cinta to read lebih

Thalia_huntress posted hampir setahun yang lalu

i Cinta it but i think y ou should change "my sweet" to my love.. sounds better

iheartfashion posted hampir setahun yang lalu

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