I fell asleep on the bus. It was late, and the bus ride was a little over three hours. Then my stop came, and I got off. I pulled out the map I had printed out. I bit my lip. I had no idea where to go from here. I wondered around town for an incredibly long time, looking for the address. My stomach ached, and I started to feel a little dizzy.
Finally, I found the house.
It was a very small house, with a crappy front yard. It looked practically abandoned; the only thing that assured me someone lived there was the cat basking in the sun on the front porch. I took a deep breath, and went up the sidewalk, and knocked on the door. I heard someone shuffle to get the door, and have some difficulty getting the door open.
An elderly lady opened the door, and peered at me through the screen.
"I don't want any girl scout cookies," she said. She began to close the door, but I stopped her.
"No, wait! Are you..." I was beginning to think I had the wrong place. "Uh, are anda Mary Hayner?" I asked. She furrowed her eyebrows, and nodded slowly.
"Yes...? Why? What do anda want?" she asked.
"Uh, may I ask how anda know Derek Hayner?" What, was she like a distant aunt atau something? I was definitely sure I'd never seen her in my life.
"He's my son," she said, confused. "Why? Who are you?" My jaw dropped. She was my grandmother? My mother's parents died when I was a baby. Father had never berkata anything about his parents, so I assumed they'd died a long time lalu as well.
"I'm... I'm his daughter," I whispered. Her eyes grew alarmed.
"What?" she asked. "You're... You're Derek's girl?" I nodded. She was speechless for a while, then quickly opened the screen door. "Come in, come in," she ushered. I stepped inside, and the first thing I noticed was how cramped this place was. "Is... Is he with you?" she asked.
"Uh, no... I kind of... ran away..." I admitted.
"Oh... Was he getting on your nerves?" she asked with no hesitation.
"Uh, yeah... They all were," I berkata sheepishly. She looked at me, with interest in her eyes.
"All of who?" she asked. "Do anda have lebih siblings?" she laughed. "Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself... What's your name?"
"Uh, my name's Cosette. Um... I have a twin sister, Asteria. And I have two older sisters, Tzipora and Anastasia, and I have a younger brother, Demetri." She smiled, and clapped her hands together.
"Oh, that's wonderful!" she sighed, "I wish I could meet them..." I shrugged. She seemed to sense my indifference. "What happened?"
"Uh, I just... We just don't get along..."
"Oh, that's too bad," she sighed. "But I'm sorry; I'm afraid anda can't stay here."
"Why?" I whimpered. There was nowhere else I could go, including home.
"I don't have an extra bedroom! I'm not sure I have enough room for you!"
"I won't take up much space! I'll sleep on the floor if I have to! Please. Please... I don't want to go back," I whispered. She sighed.
"We'll see. But for now, just rest. I'm sure you've traveled a long way. anda must be tired." She got up and went to the tiny little refrigerator. She grabbed some food, and made cheese and crackers.
"Thank you," I said, taking a bite.
"Well, anda definitely don't get your looks from Derek. anda are one beautiful young lady," my grandmother smiled. I ducked my head. The only other person that had ever told me that was Franklin. "I'll bet your sisters are just like you," she smiled.
"Not really..." I mumbled.
"What do anda mean? Do your sisters look like your father?"
"Well, we all look mostly like my mother, but..." I sighed. "I just dyed my hair. And, I just wear a lot of makeup... My sisters are truly beautiful. Not me."
"Oh, but anda are, Dear," she berkata warmly. My cheeks flushed, but I couldn't help but think she was just giving me the benefit of the doubt. If she saw my sisters... "Why'd anda run away? I mean, the whole story."
"My parents don't like me," I berkata quietly; ashamed. Grandmother opened her mouth to object, but I spoke sooner. "They told me. I'm different, and they don't like it." She sighed.
"Yep, the sounds like my Derek..." she sighed. "Well, Cosette," she looked me in the eye. "Don't listen to him. He's... a jerk. Different... intimidates him. anda are..." her eyes scanned over me; my black pants and chains, my red corset with black lace... "You are a very unique young woman, who looks like she's got a lot to tunjuk the world."
"Thanks," I mumbled. That was the greatest compliment I'd ever gotten. I bit my tongue, and tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't believe I'd just met this woman, and she already accepted me for who I was.
I talked with my grandmother for hours. She asked about what life is like back home. She asked for all the details, so that took up most of our time. But when I asked her about my father when he was a kid, she shook her head.
"It's much too late, Dear. We'll talk about it later. anda can sleep on the couch." She helped me make a katil on the couch, which was tiny.
"I'm sorry, but this is all I have to offer... Unless anda want to sleep on the floor," she said.
"That's alright. Thanks so much," I said. This woman was so understanding and sweet. I was having a hard time believing she was my father's mother. I climbed onto the couch, and pulled my blanket around me.
"Goodnight, Cosette," Grandmother smiled. She hugged me. She was so fragile, but her hugs were strong and loving. "I'm so glad I've gotten to meet you." She smiled, and then headed down the hallway, clicking off the lights on her way. I pressed my face into my pillow, feeling lebih at utama than ever.
***
I woken up sejak the smell of something burning. I sat up, confused as to where I was at first, then remembered.
"Grandmother?" I called.
"In the kitchen!" she shouted. I kicked the covers off, a little stiff, and hobbled into the kitchen. The burning smell got worse, and I gagged and covered my nose.
"What are anda doing?" I said, blinking. I saw a big awan of smoke, and a giant api, kebakaran coming from the stove. My grandmother was across the kitchen, trying to lift the api, kebakaran extinguisher. I gasped, as the flames rose higher, nearly touching the ceiling. I ran over to her, grabbed the api, kebakaran extinguisher from her, and sprayed it all over the fire. It was out in a couple minutes. It smelled revolting.
"What were anda doing?!" I asked, panting. That's one way to wake up...
"I was trying to make anda eggs!" she said. "I guess it's been a while since I've used the stove..." I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying "Ya think?!" I shook my head, and put out one last flame that sparked.
"I don't think we're having eggs," I said, observing the tortured mess on the stove. It didn't resemble anything that appeared to be edible.
"Guess not..." she sighed. There was a quiet knock on the door, and she smiled. She opened the door, to a boy with short, spiky dark brown hair. He had blue eyes, and a gentle smile. "Oh! I want anda to meet someone!" she said. She took the boy's hand, and led him inside. He seemed surprised, but humored her. "This is my granddaughter, Cosette! I met her just yesterday!" I wanted to hide; my hair was a mess and I didn't have any makeup on. But I grinned and bared through it. He was handsome, but if there's one thing I've learned that means nothing when it comes to a good person.
"Uh, hi Cosette," he smiled. He held out his hand. "I'm Foster." I shook his hand, without a word. He pulled something out of a bag he had slung across his neck, and handed it to my grandmother. A newspaper. "Here anda go, Mary. Same time tomorrow," he smiled. She patted him on the head.
"Oh! Foster, Dear, I'm afraid we're running low on groceries. When anda get a chance, could anda please pick them up?" she asked. He nodded.
"I'm almost done with my morning run. I'll go as soon as I'm done?" he offered.
"That would be wonderful," she smiled. "If it's not too much trouble, could anda take Cosette with you? Give her a tour of town?" I wanted to scream at her to shut up. What the hell was she doing?!
"Sure! No problem," Foster smiled. He looked at me, "I'll pick anda up in twenty minutes." He waved, and then headed out the door, hopping onto a bike and then disappearing down the driveway. Grandmother giggled. I gaped at her, and she patted my head.
"You'll thank me later. He's a very nice gentleman. Now, go get ready," she winked, and then disappeared down the hall. I stood there, frozen. My grandmother I had just met was already trying to hook me up with guys.
Ok then...
Finally, I found the house.
It was a very small house, with a crappy front yard. It looked practically abandoned; the only thing that assured me someone lived there was the cat basking in the sun on the front porch. I took a deep breath, and went up the sidewalk, and knocked on the door. I heard someone shuffle to get the door, and have some difficulty getting the door open.
An elderly lady opened the door, and peered at me through the screen.
"I don't want any girl scout cookies," she said. She began to close the door, but I stopped her.
"No, wait! Are you..." I was beginning to think I had the wrong place. "Uh, are anda Mary Hayner?" I asked. She furrowed her eyebrows, and nodded slowly.
"Yes...? Why? What do anda want?" she asked.
"Uh, may I ask how anda know Derek Hayner?" What, was she like a distant aunt atau something? I was definitely sure I'd never seen her in my life.
"He's my son," she said, confused. "Why? Who are you?" My jaw dropped. She was my grandmother? My mother's parents died when I was a baby. Father had never berkata anything about his parents, so I assumed they'd died a long time lalu as well.
"I'm... I'm his daughter," I whispered. Her eyes grew alarmed.
"What?" she asked. "You're... You're Derek's girl?" I nodded. She was speechless for a while, then quickly opened the screen door. "Come in, come in," she ushered. I stepped inside, and the first thing I noticed was how cramped this place was. "Is... Is he with you?" she asked.
"Uh, no... I kind of... ran away..." I admitted.
"Oh... Was he getting on your nerves?" she asked with no hesitation.
"Uh, yeah... They all were," I berkata sheepishly. She looked at me, with interest in her eyes.
"All of who?" she asked. "Do anda have lebih siblings?" she laughed. "Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself... What's your name?"
"Uh, my name's Cosette. Um... I have a twin sister, Asteria. And I have two older sisters, Tzipora and Anastasia, and I have a younger brother, Demetri." She smiled, and clapped her hands together.
"Oh, that's wonderful!" she sighed, "I wish I could meet them..." I shrugged. She seemed to sense my indifference. "What happened?"
"Uh, I just... We just don't get along..."
"Oh, that's too bad," she sighed. "But I'm sorry; I'm afraid anda can't stay here."
"Why?" I whimpered. There was nowhere else I could go, including home.
"I don't have an extra bedroom! I'm not sure I have enough room for you!"
"I won't take up much space! I'll sleep on the floor if I have to! Please. Please... I don't want to go back," I whispered. She sighed.
"We'll see. But for now, just rest. I'm sure you've traveled a long way. anda must be tired." She got up and went to the tiny little refrigerator. She grabbed some food, and made cheese and crackers.
"Thank you," I said, taking a bite.
"Well, anda definitely don't get your looks from Derek. anda are one beautiful young lady," my grandmother smiled. I ducked my head. The only other person that had ever told me that was Franklin. "I'll bet your sisters are just like you," she smiled.
"Not really..." I mumbled.
"What do anda mean? Do your sisters look like your father?"
"Well, we all look mostly like my mother, but..." I sighed. "I just dyed my hair. And, I just wear a lot of makeup... My sisters are truly beautiful. Not me."
"Oh, but anda are, Dear," she berkata warmly. My cheeks flushed, but I couldn't help but think she was just giving me the benefit of the doubt. If she saw my sisters... "Why'd anda run away? I mean, the whole story."
"My parents don't like me," I berkata quietly; ashamed. Grandmother opened her mouth to object, but I spoke sooner. "They told me. I'm different, and they don't like it." She sighed.
"Yep, the sounds like my Derek..." she sighed. "Well, Cosette," she looked me in the eye. "Don't listen to him. He's... a jerk. Different... intimidates him. anda are..." her eyes scanned over me; my black pants and chains, my red corset with black lace... "You are a very unique young woman, who looks like she's got a lot to tunjuk the world."
"Thanks," I mumbled. That was the greatest compliment I'd ever gotten. I bit my tongue, and tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't believe I'd just met this woman, and she already accepted me for who I was.
I talked with my grandmother for hours. She asked about what life is like back home. She asked for all the details, so that took up most of our time. But when I asked her about my father when he was a kid, she shook her head.
"It's much too late, Dear. We'll talk about it later. anda can sleep on the couch." She helped me make a katil on the couch, which was tiny.
"I'm sorry, but this is all I have to offer... Unless anda want to sleep on the floor," she said.
"That's alright. Thanks so much," I said. This woman was so understanding and sweet. I was having a hard time believing she was my father's mother. I climbed onto the couch, and pulled my blanket around me.
"Goodnight, Cosette," Grandmother smiled. She hugged me. She was so fragile, but her hugs were strong and loving. "I'm so glad I've gotten to meet you." She smiled, and then headed down the hallway, clicking off the lights on her way. I pressed my face into my pillow, feeling lebih at utama than ever.
***
I woken up sejak the smell of something burning. I sat up, confused as to where I was at first, then remembered.
"Grandmother?" I called.
"In the kitchen!" she shouted. I kicked the covers off, a little stiff, and hobbled into the kitchen. The burning smell got worse, and I gagged and covered my nose.
"What are anda doing?" I said, blinking. I saw a big awan of smoke, and a giant api, kebakaran coming from the stove. My grandmother was across the kitchen, trying to lift the api, kebakaran extinguisher. I gasped, as the flames rose higher, nearly touching the ceiling. I ran over to her, grabbed the api, kebakaran extinguisher from her, and sprayed it all over the fire. It was out in a couple minutes. It smelled revolting.
"What were anda doing?!" I asked, panting. That's one way to wake up...
"I was trying to make anda eggs!" she said. "I guess it's been a while since I've used the stove..." I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying "Ya think?!" I shook my head, and put out one last flame that sparked.
"I don't think we're having eggs," I said, observing the tortured mess on the stove. It didn't resemble anything that appeared to be edible.
"Guess not..." she sighed. There was a quiet knock on the door, and she smiled. She opened the door, to a boy with short, spiky dark brown hair. He had blue eyes, and a gentle smile. "Oh! I want anda to meet someone!" she said. She took the boy's hand, and led him inside. He seemed surprised, but humored her. "This is my granddaughter, Cosette! I met her just yesterday!" I wanted to hide; my hair was a mess and I didn't have any makeup on. But I grinned and bared through it. He was handsome, but if there's one thing I've learned that means nothing when it comes to a good person.
"Uh, hi Cosette," he smiled. He held out his hand. "I'm Foster." I shook his hand, without a word. He pulled something out of a bag he had slung across his neck, and handed it to my grandmother. A newspaper. "Here anda go, Mary. Same time tomorrow," he smiled. She patted him on the head.
"Oh! Foster, Dear, I'm afraid we're running low on groceries. When anda get a chance, could anda please pick them up?" she asked. He nodded.
"I'm almost done with my morning run. I'll go as soon as I'm done?" he offered.
"That would be wonderful," she smiled. "If it's not too much trouble, could anda take Cosette with you? Give her a tour of town?" I wanted to scream at her to shut up. What the hell was she doing?!
"Sure! No problem," Foster smiled. He looked at me, "I'll pick anda up in twenty minutes." He waved, and then headed out the door, hopping onto a bike and then disappearing down the driveway. Grandmother giggled. I gaped at her, and she patted my head.
"You'll thank me later. He's a very nice gentleman. Now, go get ready," she winked, and then disappeared down the hall. I stood there, frozen. My grandmother I had just met was already trying to hook me up with guys.
Ok then...
I am bored with love
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity
Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two sejak fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone
Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed our bodies to become another pair of hollow shadows that make Cinta to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the Ros are dying
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity
Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two sejak fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone
Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed our bodies to become another pair of hollow shadows that make Cinta to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the Ros are dying
I remember the times of the i Cinta you's
and times when it was i hate you.
But anda come back begging at me feet.
And when my pity defeated me.
and the sweet seranades, in our matching shades.
My rose collection, evidence of your effection.
The sheets unmade, from the nights anda stayed.
The child in me, from the times anda loved me.
The debt anda owe, from using the word borrow.
The times i was scared, was the time anda spared.
And this dress i wear, in which are people become aware, that anda are gone, and withdrawn.
The memories i hold, they are written in bold.
my broken heart, from when anda apart.
so rest now my love, up now from above.
and times when it was i hate you.
But anda come back begging at me feet.
And when my pity defeated me.
and the sweet seranades, in our matching shades.
My rose collection, evidence of your effection.
The sheets unmade, from the nights anda stayed.
The child in me, from the times anda loved me.
The debt anda owe, from using the word borrow.
The times i was scared, was the time anda spared.
And this dress i wear, in which are people become aware, that anda are gone, and withdrawn.
The memories i hold, they are written in bold.
my broken heart, from when anda apart.
so rest now my love, up now from above.
I'm sat at home
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt lebih than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to Cinta me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I Cinta him, but his Cinta is dim
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt lebih than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to Cinta me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I Cinta him, but his Cinta is dim
He gives me sight,
Saves me from evil's bite,
Holds me when I cry,
Always sejak my side.
My last breath is taken and telah diberi to him,
He saves me from the storm I'm in,
He saves me and calls me his,
Have him when I'm in a crisis.
Jesus is everything.
Everything to me,
Helping me see,
Stealing my heart,
Oh how I hate being apart.
Stand here and be moved sejak him,
To feel him in my veins,
To feel him inside of me.
My friend,
My helper,
The great shrink,
I am proud to be part of his link.
Blown away sejak his grace,
Blessed sejak his mercy,
Oh how he carries.
Holds every tear in his hand,
Wipes away our sorrows,
For a better tomorrow.
It’s raining on my window pane,
Inside this house looks so lame.
I’m so funny, so bored hunni.
Nothing much to do but to be a horn dog,
Being bored makes me write in my log.
Are we counting up atau down?
Nothing seems to go around.
Boredom, anda don’t like him.
Boredom, anda wanna shoot him.
Don’t make that move.
anda get in trouble when looking for fun,
anda get so tired when the hari is done.
Soon as anda get in bed,
anda remember what should be done instead.
Just forget the problem.
Get a goodnight sleep and dream.
Forget about the boring adventure,
anda should’ve discovered something in nature.
Boredom, forget them.
Boredom, sleep before the morning.
Inside this house looks so lame.
I’m so funny, so bored hunni.
Nothing much to do but to be a horn dog,
Being bored makes me write in my log.
Are we counting up atau down?
Nothing seems to go around.
Boredom, anda don’t like him.
Boredom, anda wanna shoot him.
Don’t make that move.
anda get in trouble when looking for fun,
anda get so tired when the hari is done.
Soon as anda get in bed,
anda remember what should be done instead.
Just forget the problem.
Get a goodnight sleep and dream.
Forget about the boring adventure,
anda should’ve discovered something in nature.
Boredom, forget them.
Boredom, sleep before the morning.