13: Within You
“Well, I had better turn in” Tristan said, standing from his chair. “Now, we have eight bedrooms and two bathrooms, feel free to help yourself.”
“Why so many if only anda require sleep?”
“Sometimes, these boys need to be separated and they can do that sejak taking off atau holing up in one of the rooms until they have cooled off. Well, night.” They all bid him a good night and Alice stood.
“I’m going to change” she said, eyeing Rose, still sitting seterusnya to Jack.
“Me too” she finally said, standing reluctantly, not wanting to leave him.
<Go. I’ll be right here waiting.>
She smiled at him and he smiled back, again leaving her breathless. The two walked to the back, following the way Tristan had gone and sure enough the further they walked, the wider the walls became, five doors on each side, several inches apart. They noted that above four doors stood a single letter: D for the first one on the left, M for the third one on the right, J for the third on the left, and T for the fourth on the left. The saat doors on both the left and right had B’s over them. Alice stepped inside the one on the right, Rosalie on the left.
Inside was a standard bathroom: a single sink, a pancuran, pancuran mandian behind it, to the left a toilet. She gripped the granite counters and looked at herself in the mirror. For once, what she saw looking back was not beautiful. Those feelings of guilt had worked their way into her mind and she closed her eyes and saw his face over and over again. His goofy grin, his curly hair, his dimples…
NO!
STOP!
She wasn’t quite sure where this came from nor was she sure if she should shut it off atau egg it on more. While half of her ached at what she had lost, the other half rejoiced at having found what she thought she had Lost for good: her one true love.
She removed her clothes-sweat suit with a black tank underneath-and changed into a pair of tight fitting jeans and black top. She slowly brushed out her hair and let it flow freely behind her back. After a slight touch-up on her make-up, she came out and walked out to the front of the carriage. She frowns as she notes that Jack isn’t there.
Before she can ask, David says “he went to his room. He berkata he needed to be alone for a while.”
She manages a weak “oh” and sits seterusnya to him. He smiles at her and she does back. She realizes that they mirror each other’s.
<Talk to him. That’s why I left.>
“So, anda went to Princeton?”
He set his book seterusnya to him and nodded. “Yes. Like Michael berkata though, only for a year.”
“Still a big deal.”
He nodded nonchalantly. “Yes, I suppose so.”
“What did anda study?”
Michael snorted. “You don’t have to do this.”
She looked at him. “Do what, exactly?”
“Act like anda care.”
“Who berkata I didn’t?”
“Just stop. You’re not a martyr, never were, never will be.” He walked outside the carriage and took off into the late night.
“What was that?” she asked David, still looking at the entrance.
“He’s just angry. Don’t take it personally.” He gave her a reassuring smile and she returned it. “English, to answer your earlier question.”
<That’s my fault.>
She smiled and berkata “English? What would anda have done with your degree?”
“Teach. I really enjoyed learning and wanted to tunjuk others the beauty in literature.”
<Now that’s your fault.>
<Laughs.>
“So, why haven’t anda turned mortal again? Then anda could do anything.”
He nodded. “True. Very true. I would have but circumstances in my life happened and I just decided to stay this way.”
He picked up Great Expectations again. “That Jack’s?”
“Yes. We switch out our literature all the time. Most of all, I enjoy his poetry-even if it is all about you.”
“I’d doubt that.”
“Hair brighter than the sun, face like an Angel from heaven above, smile that lights up a room, chases away my gloom, eyes as blue as the sky, how hard my hati, tengah-tengah beats every time they meet mine, she is perfection in every way, warms me lebih than a sunlight’s ray, she is the api, kebakaran in my heart, she is the keeper of my heart, she is mine, mine for all time. Nah, that’s not about you.” He winked and looked down at the book.
She sat in stunned silence, while David read on and Alice finally came back from the restroom. She sat across from them but her eyes berkata one thing: who would she chose? She looked away from her, knowing that she would never know that whatever decision she made would haunt her forever.
She stood and walked down the hall, stopping just before the door that had the J above it. She gently turned the knob and entered. The room was a neutral blue, calming, a black leather sofa, kerusi panjang that was identical to the one they had sat on earlier was the only furniture in the room, subtract a well-used batang in the far left corner. Jack himself leaned against the couch, his long legs clad in black jeans, a worn copy of Leaves of rumput rested on his knees, a tight button-down flannel hugged his torso. She looked at him, this time letting the gaze hold as she berkata “I…I don’t know what to do.”
He set the book down and she sat seterusnya to him. “I don’t expect anything from you. At least, not until you’ve healed and finished grieving.”
She looked at him. “How…?”
“I heard you. I can hear people’s minds even when they are miles apart. Continents apart even.” She looked down, picking at the carpet. “Know that even if anda leave me, I’ll be better for the time anda have telah diberi me now.”
“Will you?”
“Tis far better to have loved and Lost than to have never loved at all.”
She laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right.” She looked back up at him. “Do anda want me?”
He looked right back, so much so she swore he was seeing her soul. “It’s not a want; it’s a need-always has been, always will be.” She kissed him once and he gently deepened it, her body entangling itself in his. Again, he stopped before she did. She ran her hands through his hair, then down his perfect porselin face.
“I just don’t know.”
“You don’t have to decide today.”
“Don’t I? Alice is ready to run, with atau without me, and I…I am so lost.”
“Let’s uncomplicate it then.”
“If I became mortal, what would anda do?”
He sighed deeply before answering “assuming anda want me, I too would become mortal and we would live out our lives the way we were meant to-without our parents, without the rest of the world judging-just a plain, simple life.”
“If I chose to stay like this?”
“Again, assuming anda want me, I would follow anda wherever that may be. Either way, if anda don’t want me, I will leave anda be.”
She laughed, that beautiful laugh that made Jack sigh with euphoria. “Silly you. Don’t anda know that of all the men in my life-well three anyways-it was always anda that had my heart-then and now.”
“No, I didn’t.”
She looked at him. “Well, it is. anda and only you. I’d sell my soul to have never been touched sejak another.”
“Sh. I would never let anda do such a thing.”
Silence.
“Do anda have your answer now?”
She looked at him and knew the answer-hadn’t she always? “Yes, I think I do.”
“Well, I had better turn in” Tristan said, standing from his chair. “Now, we have eight bedrooms and two bathrooms, feel free to help yourself.”
“Why so many if only anda require sleep?”
“Sometimes, these boys need to be separated and they can do that sejak taking off atau holing up in one of the rooms until they have cooled off. Well, night.” They all bid him a good night and Alice stood.
“I’m going to change” she said, eyeing Rose, still sitting seterusnya to Jack.
“Me too” she finally said, standing reluctantly, not wanting to leave him.
<Go. I’ll be right here waiting.>
She smiled at him and he smiled back, again leaving her breathless. The two walked to the back, following the way Tristan had gone and sure enough the further they walked, the wider the walls became, five doors on each side, several inches apart. They noted that above four doors stood a single letter: D for the first one on the left, M for the third one on the right, J for the third on the left, and T for the fourth on the left. The saat doors on both the left and right had B’s over them. Alice stepped inside the one on the right, Rosalie on the left.
Inside was a standard bathroom: a single sink, a pancuran, pancuran mandian behind it, to the left a toilet. She gripped the granite counters and looked at herself in the mirror. For once, what she saw looking back was not beautiful. Those feelings of guilt had worked their way into her mind and she closed her eyes and saw his face over and over again. His goofy grin, his curly hair, his dimples…
NO!
STOP!
She wasn’t quite sure where this came from nor was she sure if she should shut it off atau egg it on more. While half of her ached at what she had lost, the other half rejoiced at having found what she thought she had Lost for good: her one true love.
She removed her clothes-sweat suit with a black tank underneath-and changed into a pair of tight fitting jeans and black top. She slowly brushed out her hair and let it flow freely behind her back. After a slight touch-up on her make-up, she came out and walked out to the front of the carriage. She frowns as she notes that Jack isn’t there.
Before she can ask, David says “he went to his room. He berkata he needed to be alone for a while.”
She manages a weak “oh” and sits seterusnya to him. He smiles at her and she does back. She realizes that they mirror each other’s.
<Talk to him. That’s why I left.>
“So, anda went to Princeton?”
He set his book seterusnya to him and nodded. “Yes. Like Michael berkata though, only for a year.”
“Still a big deal.”
He nodded nonchalantly. “Yes, I suppose so.”
“What did anda study?”
Michael snorted. “You don’t have to do this.”
She looked at him. “Do what, exactly?”
“Act like anda care.”
“Who berkata I didn’t?”
“Just stop. You’re not a martyr, never were, never will be.” He walked outside the carriage and took off into the late night.
“What was that?” she asked David, still looking at the entrance.
“He’s just angry. Don’t take it personally.” He gave her a reassuring smile and she returned it. “English, to answer your earlier question.”
<That’s my fault.>
She smiled and berkata “English? What would anda have done with your degree?”
“Teach. I really enjoyed learning and wanted to tunjuk others the beauty in literature.”
<Now that’s your fault.>
<Laughs.>
“So, why haven’t anda turned mortal again? Then anda could do anything.”
He nodded. “True. Very true. I would have but circumstances in my life happened and I just decided to stay this way.”
He picked up Great Expectations again. “That Jack’s?”
“Yes. We switch out our literature all the time. Most of all, I enjoy his poetry-even if it is all about you.”
“I’d doubt that.”
“Hair brighter than the sun, face like an Angel from heaven above, smile that lights up a room, chases away my gloom, eyes as blue as the sky, how hard my hati, tengah-tengah beats every time they meet mine, she is perfection in every way, warms me lebih than a sunlight’s ray, she is the api, kebakaran in my heart, she is the keeper of my heart, she is mine, mine for all time. Nah, that’s not about you.” He winked and looked down at the book.
She sat in stunned silence, while David read on and Alice finally came back from the restroom. She sat across from them but her eyes berkata one thing: who would she chose? She looked away from her, knowing that she would never know that whatever decision she made would haunt her forever.
She stood and walked down the hall, stopping just before the door that had the J above it. She gently turned the knob and entered. The room was a neutral blue, calming, a black leather sofa, kerusi panjang that was identical to the one they had sat on earlier was the only furniture in the room, subtract a well-used batang in the far left corner. Jack himself leaned against the couch, his long legs clad in black jeans, a worn copy of Leaves of rumput rested on his knees, a tight button-down flannel hugged his torso. She looked at him, this time letting the gaze hold as she berkata “I…I don’t know what to do.”
He set the book down and she sat seterusnya to him. “I don’t expect anything from you. At least, not until you’ve healed and finished grieving.”
She looked at him. “How…?”
“I heard you. I can hear people’s minds even when they are miles apart. Continents apart even.” She looked down, picking at the carpet. “Know that even if anda leave me, I’ll be better for the time anda have telah diberi me now.”
“Will you?”
“Tis far better to have loved and Lost than to have never loved at all.”
She laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right.” She looked back up at him. “Do anda want me?”
He looked right back, so much so she swore he was seeing her soul. “It’s not a want; it’s a need-always has been, always will be.” She kissed him once and he gently deepened it, her body entangling itself in his. Again, he stopped before she did. She ran her hands through his hair, then down his perfect porselin face.
“I just don’t know.”
“You don’t have to decide today.”
“Don’t I? Alice is ready to run, with atau without me, and I…I am so lost.”
“Let’s uncomplicate it then.”
“If I became mortal, what would anda do?”
He sighed deeply before answering “assuming anda want me, I too would become mortal and we would live out our lives the way we were meant to-without our parents, without the rest of the world judging-just a plain, simple life.”
“If I chose to stay like this?”
“Again, assuming anda want me, I would follow anda wherever that may be. Either way, if anda don’t want me, I will leave anda be.”
She laughed, that beautiful laugh that made Jack sigh with euphoria. “Silly you. Don’t anda know that of all the men in my life-well three anyways-it was always anda that had my heart-then and now.”
“No, I didn’t.”
She looked at him. “Well, it is. anda and only you. I’d sell my soul to have never been touched sejak another.”
“Sh. I would never let anda do such a thing.”
Silence.
“Do anda have your answer now?”
She looked at him and knew the answer-hadn’t she always? “Yes, I think I do.”
