(this is realistic-fiction, some parts are true and some are false. that should become evident as time goes on ^.^)
~~~
Everything fell when David left.
I never understood why. He was just a friend to me at that time, and Friends back then were any people that I could get in a conversation with. They were people that listened. And really, seeing him leave was just as normal as any of my other Friends that left during that year. There was nothing too it; I would convince myself over and over again that he would eventually come back, and that we might even meet up in the future and talk about our untold time in between.
But when David left...things got scary, frightening. It wasn't just my life that was being destroyed; it was everyone around me. My mom, in a positive way, was getting back on track with her Cinta life. She was searching again. But yet, with her eager mood, she went from person to person, denying that this man wasn't right for her. It eventually came to the point where I had no clue who was staying in our house anymore, and it wasn't uncommon to see a unusual man inside our apartment drinking from a susu carton atau cuddling with my mom while she was making coffee.
And then there was my dad, too. Of course, we never had the closest relationship. But as I learned simply over the years his problems and all the harsh things he did to my mom, it became evident that he wasn't someone to trust, someone to like.
Within a year, at the age of eleven, I was probably lebih smarter than others when it came to friendships. I was relying lebih and lebih on people hearing me out, and even if I was telling them little things about my day, I craved to tell them about my crashing world, about the things I wanted changed.
After David left, I relied on no one. Just my notebooks that recorded all my secrets, all my desires for a healthier life...
Before he left, I remembered the dream I had, and if I was smarter then, just sejak some increment lebih knowledgeable, I would have told him about it. I would have mentioned it. Because I had no clue.
I had no clue what kind of monster he was.
And his sudden appearance now...didn't help. Didn't help me physically, atau emotionally...
Because now he was staying for good. And he wasn't leaving until he got what he wanted.
Something he wanted for years...
~~~
Everything fell when David left.
I never understood why. He was just a friend to me at that time, and Friends back then were any people that I could get in a conversation with. They were people that listened. And really, seeing him leave was just as normal as any of my other Friends that left during that year. There was nothing too it; I would convince myself over and over again that he would eventually come back, and that we might even meet up in the future and talk about our untold time in between.
But when David left...things got scary, frightening. It wasn't just my life that was being destroyed; it was everyone around me. My mom, in a positive way, was getting back on track with her Cinta life. She was searching again. But yet, with her eager mood, she went from person to person, denying that this man wasn't right for her. It eventually came to the point where I had no clue who was staying in our house anymore, and it wasn't uncommon to see a unusual man inside our apartment drinking from a susu carton atau cuddling with my mom while she was making coffee.
And then there was my dad, too. Of course, we never had the closest relationship. But as I learned simply over the years his problems and all the harsh things he did to my mom, it became evident that he wasn't someone to trust, someone to like.
Within a year, at the age of eleven, I was probably lebih smarter than others when it came to friendships. I was relying lebih and lebih on people hearing me out, and even if I was telling them little things about my day, I craved to tell them about my crashing world, about the things I wanted changed.
After David left, I relied on no one. Just my notebooks that recorded all my secrets, all my desires for a healthier life...
Before he left, I remembered the dream I had, and if I was smarter then, just sejak some increment lebih knowledgeable, I would have told him about it. I would have mentioned it. Because I had no clue.
I had no clue what kind of monster he was.
And his sudden appearance now...didn't help. Didn't help me physically, atau emotionally...
Because now he was staying for good. And he wasn't leaving until he got what he wanted.
Something he wanted for years...
im so sick.
im sick of everything about you.
i hate what anda say,
what anda do,
everything.
it sets off some spark,
that just angers me inside and out.
im so sick.
im sick of your laugh,
your smile,
your eyes,
everything.
i hate how anda talk to me,
how anda treat me,
what anda think of me as.
im not your toy,
im not your anything.
i dont belong to you,
im not a possession.
im just me.
and im so sick.
sick of everything in this godforsaken world.
especially you.
and i dont want to be something
that hates and is sick
of everything.
im just sick of you.
and honestly...
i dont want to be with you
anymore.
im so sick.
im sick of everything about you.
i hate what anda say,
what anda do,
everything.
it sets off some spark,
that just angers me inside and out.
im so sick.
im sick of your laugh,
your smile,
your eyes,
everything.
i hate how anda talk to me,
how anda treat me,
what anda think of me as.
im not your toy,
im not your anything.
i dont belong to you,
im not a possession.
im just me.
and im so sick.
sick of everything in this godforsaken world.
especially you.
and i dont want to be something
that hates and is sick
of everything.
im just sick of you.
and honestly...
i dont want to be with you
anymore.
im so sick.