I can began to see the side view mirrors fog up as I sit alone the car. Matt was still in the front yard, pacing back and forth, and back and forth. A part of me just wanted him to get in the car already but the other part of me just wanted to stay alone. As I began to get Lost in my thought I saw the car door open. Matt got in and didn’t bother to turn on the car. he didn’t look at me and I didn’t look at him. He finally turned on the car…slowly..but he turned it on. He sighed low enough for me not start the conversation. As he pulled out and started off on the road I just looked out the window.
“Jaz i-” he started but my phone rang. It was my mom.
I tried to rush her off the phone because I figured it was nothing important but then I heard her say “so anda can just with Matthew tonight.” And I felt my hati, tengah-tengah stop.
I agreed to stay with him tonight but I now had to tell him. And that was the hard part. I hung up the phone and sucked in a huge breath.
“Hey….Umm..I have to..I mean..I umm ..can i stay with anda tonight? My mom is gonna stay out later than she thought.”
I could barely get the words out of my mouth.
“Ohh..Yeah. You’re welcome anytime. anda know that.” He probably shot me a warm smile but I didb’t bother to look.
“Jaz I’m sorr-”
“No! No! No! I don’t want to here it Matt. I know I should’ve found another way from keeping anda from that football player. I know i screwed up okay? I don’t wanna hear anda try to apologize when anda didn’t do anything.” Those words came out lebih smoothly but definitely lebih harsh.
I didn’t notice we were pulling up into his parents drive away already. I got out first and swiftly walked towards the door. I just wanted to go the guest room and go to bed. Matt was still sitting in his car. He didn’t get off the car until I rang the doorbell. Probably didn’t want to have to explain to his dad why he was sitting in the car alone. His dad answered the door and greeted me with a surprised smile. i asked if i could stay with him in the nicest way I could and then shot up the stairs as soon as let room for me to get through the door. Matthew was barely walking through the door. He did look hurt sejak what I berkata but i wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. When I didn’t see him walk up the stairs, i knew he would be going to tell his dad what happened. Usually i would want to ez-drop but I didn’t this time. An jam atau two went sejak when I heard a knock on my door. I couldn’t sleep.
“Come In.”
Matthew walked in a box of pizza and the most guilty smile a man could have.
:“Pizza?” He had a hopeful smile.
I tried to smile and I just nodded. He came and plumped on the katil with me and put the pizza box in front of us.
“Look I know anda are mad at me. But i want anda to here me out please?”
“I couldn’t really resit hearing what he had to say.
“First of all Im not mad at anda Matt. When have I ever been mad at you? And fine…I will hear anda out.”
We both took a deep breath and relaxed.
He took and deep breath and began, “Well what anda berkata in the car hurt…and untrue.”-he couldn’t look at me anymore-" That kiss"-i flinched at the word-" was ….is….the best Ciuman I have ever had. And I wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone else but you…"
I looked up at him and gave him a smile that even I couldn’t believe I gave him. It was a flirty smile! He knew that smile and he as well was surprised. He hesitated at first sejak then leaned in to give me a Ciuman on my forehead. It was sweet, I will have to admit that but he didn’t have me yet.
“I hope anda know I’m not done. We’re gonna be at this for a while.” He shot me back a flirty smile now.
I smiled at him and then just like that the words came out when I didn’t mean for them to come out…It was an accident.! …“i Cinta you”
“Jaz i-” he started but my phone rang. It was my mom.
I tried to rush her off the phone because I figured it was nothing important but then I heard her say “so anda can just with Matthew tonight.” And I felt my hati, tengah-tengah stop.
I agreed to stay with him tonight but I now had to tell him. And that was the hard part. I hung up the phone and sucked in a huge breath.
“Hey….Umm..I have to..I mean..I umm ..can i stay with anda tonight? My mom is gonna stay out later than she thought.”
I could barely get the words out of my mouth.
“Ohh..Yeah. You’re welcome anytime. anda know that.” He probably shot me a warm smile but I didb’t bother to look.
“Jaz I’m sorr-”
“No! No! No! I don’t want to here it Matt. I know I should’ve found another way from keeping anda from that football player. I know i screwed up okay? I don’t wanna hear anda try to apologize when anda didn’t do anything.” Those words came out lebih smoothly but definitely lebih harsh.
I didn’t notice we were pulling up into his parents drive away already. I got out first and swiftly walked towards the door. I just wanted to go the guest room and go to bed. Matt was still sitting in his car. He didn’t get off the car until I rang the doorbell. Probably didn’t want to have to explain to his dad why he was sitting in the car alone. His dad answered the door and greeted me with a surprised smile. i asked if i could stay with him in the nicest way I could and then shot up the stairs as soon as let room for me to get through the door. Matthew was barely walking through the door. He did look hurt sejak what I berkata but i wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. When I didn’t see him walk up the stairs, i knew he would be going to tell his dad what happened. Usually i would want to ez-drop but I didn’t this time. An jam atau two went sejak when I heard a knock on my door. I couldn’t sleep.
“Come In.”
Matthew walked in a box of pizza and the most guilty smile a man could have.
:“Pizza?” He had a hopeful smile.
I tried to smile and I just nodded. He came and plumped on the katil with me and put the pizza box in front of us.
“Look I know anda are mad at me. But i want anda to here me out please?”
“I couldn’t really resit hearing what he had to say.
“First of all Im not mad at anda Matt. When have I ever been mad at you? And fine…I will hear anda out.”
We both took a deep breath and relaxed.
He took and deep breath and began, “Well what anda berkata in the car hurt…and untrue.”-he couldn’t look at me anymore-" That kiss"-i flinched at the word-" was ….is….the best Ciuman I have ever had. And I wouldn’t have wanted to be with anyone else but you…"
I looked up at him and gave him a smile that even I couldn’t believe I gave him. It was a flirty smile! He knew that smile and he as well was surprised. He hesitated at first sejak then leaned in to give me a Ciuman on my forehead. It was sweet, I will have to admit that but he didn’t have me yet.
“I hope anda know I’m not done. We’re gonna be at this for a while.” He shot me back a flirty smile now.
I smiled at him and then just like that the words came out when I didn’t mean for them to come out…It was an accident.! …“i Cinta you”
i dindnt say anything for a minute,then i spoke.
'do anda know why?"
'well,she berkata something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come sejak my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
'do anda know why?"
'well,she berkata something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come sejak my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
Sobriety is beyond a horizon for you,
One anda won't be alive to even get to.
Your mind is set to be dead in 10
Years, my fears, my tears,
don't matter, your emotionless, here.
My bothersome phone calls,
"I'm just checking in"
"Yeah, I don't care"
I can't ever win.
My eyes are taped open,
horrific imej replay,
and even when I close them,
they're imprinted in my mind,
they're there to stay.
Blackness engulfs me,
like a whirlpool of nothing,
Your arch nemesis,
Your pal,
Your meaningless suffering.
Why do anda do this,
to yourself, and to me?
I don't get why anda mess around,
just let yourself be!
One anda won't be alive to even get to.
Your mind is set to be dead in 10
Years, my fears, my tears,
don't matter, your emotionless, here.
My bothersome phone calls,
"I'm just checking in"
"Yeah, I don't care"
I can't ever win.
My eyes are taped open,
horrific imej replay,
and even when I close them,
they're imprinted in my mind,
they're there to stay.
Blackness engulfs me,
like a whirlpool of nothing,
Your arch nemesis,
Your pal,
Your meaningless suffering.
Why do anda do this,
to yourself, and to me?
I don't get why anda mess around,
just let yourself be!
this is just somthing that describes me :)
I'm sat at home
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt lebih than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to Cinta me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I Cinta him, but his Cinta is dim
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt lebih than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to Cinta me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I Cinta him, but his Cinta is dim
love bites
I'm haunted by the memory's i hold
He gives me sight,
Saves me from evil's bite,
Holds me when I cry,
Always sejak my side.
My last breath is taken and telah diberi to him,
He saves me from the storm I'm in,
He saves me and calls me his,
Have him when I'm in a crisis.
Jesus is everything.
Everything to me,
Helping me see,
Stealing my heart,
Oh how I hate being apart.
Stand here and be moved sejak him,
To feel him in my veins,
To feel him inside of me.
My friend,
My helper,
The great shrink,
I am proud to be part of his link.
Blown away sejak his grace,
Blessed sejak his mercy,
Oh how he carries.
Holds every tear in his hand,
Wipes away our sorrows,
For a better tomorrow.
Impossible
Here I phase
Here in my old age
Here I run with no place to go
Here I stand with no purpose
Here I am with no show,
No lights,no cameras,no grace
Here I am with this world having me in it's tight embrace.
But I won't give in.
For God Loved me so.
Here I am in this place,
Here I am just watching the world race.
Watching the world fall apart,
Here I am just waiting for a new start.
As this breaks my heart,
I know I will sertai God's cart,his army,his people and I will live in heaven above.
Here I am asking you,
What will anda do?
Here I am watching anda phase,
Here I am watching anda turn to old age.
With no place to go,
Here I am telling anda don't want to low.
As we change and as we grow,
This world will face judgment,This I know.
Don't turn to old age,
Don't get Lost in the world's maze.
Save anda self.
Don't let yourself phase.......
Here in my old age
Here I run with no place to go
Here I stand with no purpose
Here I am with no show,
No lights,no cameras,no grace
Here I am with this world having me in it's tight embrace.
But I won't give in.
For God Loved me so.
Here I am in this place,
Here I am just watching the world race.
Watching the world fall apart,
Here I am just waiting for a new start.
As this breaks my heart,
I know I will sertai God's cart,his army,his people and I will live in heaven above.
Here I am asking you,
What will anda do?
Here I am watching anda phase,
Here I am watching anda turn to old age.
With no place to go,
Here I am telling anda don't want to low.
As we change and as we grow,
This world will face judgment,This I know.
Don't turn to old age,
Don't get Lost in the world's maze.
Save anda self.
Don't let yourself phase.......
