hei can anda guys help me out???

I have the first chapter of a new possible story but I want to see if anybody is going to read it...
And I was wondering can anda guys read it and tell me what anda think in a komen atau email?
And I don't no the name yet so can anda guys help out with that to? Its not very long atau hard to read.Oh and I can give anda a link to it.

And there my other story mysterious Cinta on the spot lilred96's articles.