An idea popped into my head the other hari and its been playing like a little movie in my head ever since. I really need to know if its any good, atau if the idea has already been used. Also I need Nasihat for the characters and their names. I also appreciate constructive criticism and grammar and spelling. The names are temporary. I've never written a book that is completely in the present tense so please help me catch any tense mistakes! Um, oh yeah. It doesn't have a tajuk yet so if anda have any suggestions just let me know!
(: Thanks!
-Carly
The story is jumbled a bit. It is because the characters are experiencing tough times and can't think straight, so since they tell it, the story is a little jumpy.
Here is a a short pratonton of the 1st chapter to an unnamed story in the making along with a summary of the book.
"Good morning," I hear the principal say as she does every day. Normally, I would politely respond to that with a "Thank anda Mrs. Monrale, anda too," but today I am pissed. How can she say that?! It was awful of her to say such a thing! It is most definitely not a good morning, I mutter to myself as she is all the way down the hallway now.
I pace around, taking a long route to my locker where, as always, the two cheerleaders on either side of my locker are cheerfully chatting. Normally I would say "Excuse me," but today I'm not normal. I can't bring myself to say WHY I'm so abnormal today. I'm not ready to get into that yet. Today is awful, life is just a dismay, people are always in your way, the principal is disgusting, the cheerleaders are horrid, and I am mad - mad at everyone and everything, everywhere.
That is a pratonton of chapter one, in the the female protagonist, Josepheenah's point of view.
Here is a summary of the whole book:
Ever since Josepheenah berkata the words "I wish you'd just die, Eli," she has never stopped regretting them. Jo and Eli really got along until he decided to fall in Cinta with her. He loved the pool of brown in her eyes and the black mess of hair that she had always hated. Eli found her laugher to be Muzik to his ears. Her voice was melodic and always on key. Jo always knew what to say to him, until she says the last words Eli ever heard her say. She took none of this seriously. But Eli would do anything Jo wanted. They were at her house at the time, so when Jo got up to get them a snack, he gave her what she asked for. Jo comes back to messages written on her mirror in blood, and balled up Cinta notes Eli never had the guts to give to her. Read the novel to get the story from both sides, and how everything turns out in the end.
Thanks for helping me out! x :)
(: Thanks!
-Carly
The story is jumbled a bit. It is because the characters are experiencing tough times and can't think straight, so since they tell it, the story is a little jumpy.
Here is a a short pratonton of the 1st chapter to an unnamed story in the making along with a summary of the book.
"Good morning," I hear the principal say as she does every day. Normally, I would politely respond to that with a "Thank anda Mrs. Monrale, anda too," but today I am pissed. How can she say that?! It was awful of her to say such a thing! It is most definitely not a good morning, I mutter to myself as she is all the way down the hallway now.
I pace around, taking a long route to my locker where, as always, the two cheerleaders on either side of my locker are cheerfully chatting. Normally I would say "Excuse me," but today I'm not normal. I can't bring myself to say WHY I'm so abnormal today. I'm not ready to get into that yet. Today is awful, life is just a dismay, people are always in your way, the principal is disgusting, the cheerleaders are horrid, and I am mad - mad at everyone and everything, everywhere.
That is a pratonton of chapter one, in the the female protagonist, Josepheenah's point of view.
Here is a summary of the whole book:
Ever since Josepheenah berkata the words "I wish you'd just die, Eli," she has never stopped regretting them. Jo and Eli really got along until he decided to fall in Cinta with her. He loved the pool of brown in her eyes and the black mess of hair that she had always hated. Eli found her laugher to be Muzik to his ears. Her voice was melodic and always on key. Jo always knew what to say to him, until she says the last words Eli ever heard her say. She took none of this seriously. But Eli would do anything Jo wanted. They were at her house at the time, so when Jo got up to get them a snack, he gave her what she asked for. Jo comes back to messages written on her mirror in blood, and balled up Cinta notes Eli never had the guts to give to her. Read the novel to get the story from both sides, and how everything turns out in the end.
Thanks for helping me out! x :)
Life, he believes, is not a dream
As black as the wise men say they are.
Often a gray morning
Foreshadows a pleasant afternoon and soalhenta.
Sometimes there are dark clouds
But it is only on certain days;
If rain makes the Ros bloom
Why mourn and not smile?
Quickly, happily
The soalhentas hours of life go by
Thankfully, excitedly
Enjoy them as they go flying.
And sometimes when Death appears
And the best that anda have gone?
And when the pain deepens
And hope it sinks won?
Oh, even then, there is hope of rebirth
Unconquerable, never die.
Happy with his golden wing
Strong enough to make us feel good
Boldly, afraid of nothing
Face the Judgement hari coming.
For gloriously, victoriously
Courage can overcome despair.
As black as the wise men say they are.
Often a gray morning
Foreshadows a pleasant afternoon and soalhenta.
Sometimes there are dark clouds
But it is only on certain days;
If rain makes the Ros bloom
Why mourn and not smile?
Quickly, happily
The soalhentas hours of life go by
Thankfully, excitedly
Enjoy them as they go flying.
And sometimes when Death appears
And the best that anda have gone?
And when the pain deepens
And hope it sinks won?
Oh, even then, there is hope of rebirth
Unconquerable, never die.
Happy with his golden wing
Strong enough to make us feel good
Boldly, afraid of nothing
Face the Judgement hari coming.
For gloriously, victoriously
Courage can overcome despair.
A child huddles in a corner,
dirty and tired and alone.
He's too skinny, too tired, too pale.
But nobody notices.
His hati, tengah-tengah breaks
as he watches the blurry-shaped people
walk past,
without glancing at him.
Screams echo off the cold walls surrounding him.
Not just his;
There's a few voices in that howl.
But they fall on deaf ears.
Hours pass. Days pass. People pass.
Still, nobody glances his way.
Darkness begins to creep in,
Bringing two Bidadari with tear stained faces and heavy wings.
Silence has brought this,
and sejak the time people notice
it's too late.
The three Bidadari have already left.
dirty and tired and alone.
He's too skinny, too tired, too pale.
But nobody notices.
His hati, tengah-tengah breaks
as he watches the blurry-shaped people
walk past,
without glancing at him.
Screams echo off the cold walls surrounding him.
Not just his;
There's a few voices in that howl.
But they fall on deaf ears.
Hours pass. Days pass. People pass.
Still, nobody glances his way.
Darkness begins to creep in,
Bringing two Bidadari with tear stained faces and heavy wings.
Silence has brought this,
and sejak the time people notice
it's too late.
The three Bidadari have already left.
